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Get them to open up

Posted by on May. 4, 2007 at 1:30 PM
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Hello Ladies, I was wondering what you all do to get the kids to open up and talk to about things...

Are there any topics to you as far as your step children are concerned that are off limits, meaning you don't care to talk about certain things with them...

Lets get the sharing started.
by on May. 4, 2007 at 1:30 PM
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TN2WV
by New Member on May. 16, 2007 at 6:31 PM
As a new stepmom of grown kids, I need some help with this myself.  I have a stepdaughter that is 18 and a stepson who is 21.  They live in a different state and we don't see them very much at all.  In my opinion, They have a very strained relationship with their dad.  I feel their mother has done a wonderful job at raising them, and I have been learning more and more that she has done it on her own as I did my kids.  My husband their dad has a lot of family and self issues that has caused him to distance himself from everyone, including his kids.

I just would love to start a friendship with them.  I know they would love to know how their dad is but I also know they (the whole lot of them) are very introverted and don't open up to each other... which is totally different then me... and my kids...there is nothing that we don't discuss and we totally have each others back.  My parents are the same way, we are very open with our love, emotions and concerns. 

When I do see my stepchildren they are very connected to each other but to no one else...My husband has told me that nothing has ever been discussed with them, his problems, their parents divorce, their mom's re-marriage and another divorce, our marriage...nothing.  It's like they are just pulled along without any input.  He just plopped me right in front of them with any warning.  I was so stressed over it, I had a migrane and was throwing up an hour before I met them.

I would love for them to be comfortable with coming to visit us.  Of course two of my kids are all over wanting to meet the new siblings.  I know it is hard on his kids to know that he is a very active participate in my kids lives and that he has fully taken on the grandpa role to the grandkids.  I want that for his kids and for him - I know he loves them soo much but has never been able to let go and trust himself to accept love.  With my daughter especially she will push the envelop and make her stepdad get involved. (she's like her mom :-). My youngest son does the same.  Now my middle son is mom's protector and doesn't have any desire to bond with my husband.  He would be the first to be here packing his stuff up and giving him the boot.

My husband is so great with my kids and the grandbabies...I want him to be involved with his kids - I want him to walk his daughter down the isle, be his son's best man.  I want him to be one of the first to hold his grandchildren.  His dad was denied all this and I can't bear for him to miss out on it.  But how can I help get this to happen if I turn out to be one of the bearers?  I will stand back but I won't walk away... I love him and in turn I love his kids, and the grandchildren that one day will come.

As I write this I think I have pretty well convinced myself that I can't do anything to gain any type of relationship.  So really if you have advise please share with me, if not join me in prayer for the whole lot of us!
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