Question about Bipolar

[Littlebit722]

Hi everyone!  We have a 15 year old dd who has bipolar.  We went through he__ last year before she was correctly diagnosed.  She's now on medication and doing very well.  We're having issues with our 12 year old dd and her behavior.  Her behavior has always been pretty bad.  She was in a foster home for a few years and all she had to do was throw a tantrum to get what she wanted.  She has ADHD and is on medication.  The problem is her behavior and tantrums seem to be getting worse.  If she's getting what she wants, she's nice to you.  Almost to the point of acting and talking like a baby.  If you try to parent her, she gets an attitude that more than likely turns into a tantrum.  She says she can't control it and doesn't know where the attitude comes from.  However, if she has a sleepover or something else coming up, she'll control it pretty well.  But a lot of times her behavior gets so bad, it's like she actually hates us.  If you tell her to go to her room until her attitude is better, very frequently she'll come back in about a minute as happy as a clam.  Has anyone else run into this with their bipolar children?  That they can actually control their behavior at times and not other times?  That they can go to school and behave, but not behave at home?  Or do you think it's just behavioral and she's mimicking her older sister's bipolar actions?  Any insight would be appreciated.

Thanks!!!!  Donna

[mmj969]

Hi Donna,

My son has both ADHD and Bipolar Disorder.  He's 13.  I see the anger in him quite often.  I believe that it could be the ADHD causing it in your daughter.  First of all, I have to say that all kids try to manipulate a bit.  When was the last time your daughter's meds were adjusted?  I would set down consequences for the mouthiness for her and stick to them.  If she can control them with friends, then she can control them at home better. The quick anger is normal for kids with ADHD, and the quick recoveries.  I send my son to his room for a few minutes until he calms down quite often.  He sometimes can be up there for just a couple of minutes and comes back downstairs much better. 

I think the bipolar is a longer cycle.  Many times my son's cycles last a few days to weeks.  I can predict problems arising as his mood changes.

Marcia

[motherofhope98]

I'm sorry but that doesn't sound like bipolar or adhd at all.  It sounds more like she needs a good whooping. She's being manipulative.  She's perfectly in control of her emotions if she can turn them on & off that quick.  A true bipolar does  not have control of their emotions hense the need to medicate.

She could benefit greatly from behavioral and attachment therapy. 

[Littlebit722]

Rebecca, I actually laughed out loud when I read your response.  Both my dh and I would love to do that sometimes, lol.  Unfortunately spankings won't work with her anyway.  Plus she came from foster care and a pretty violent background, so we usually use other methods of discipline. 

Marcia, thanks for the response.  Our 15 year old has ADHD as well as bipolar.  We see a lot of the same behaviors in our youngest that we see in our 15 year old.   That's why I'm kind of conflicted.  Is she mimicking her older sister?  Does she just have the ADHD? 

She's actually on Abilify to help us figure out if her behavior is due to a chemical imbalance or if it's just behavioral.  It's so hard to figure these things out sometimes.  I think I'm going to read up a lot more on ADHD. 

Right now she's on electronic lockdown (no tv, computer, nintendo ds etc) until next Monday for her behavior yesterday.  So we'll see how the week goes.

Thanks again for the responses.  I really appreciate it.

[renegadelady]

My 13 year old son has ADHD and ODD and is on abilify he also takes citalapram and that has helped him. He still has meltdowns on occasion but they seem to be less than they were.

[motherofhope98]

Coming out of foster care and from a violent past must be very difficult for her.  If she is not already, then I suggest that you get into attachment therapy with her.  A lot of what you are experiencing could be Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). 

[mad051102]

Everything you said sounds so much like my 10 yr old daughter.  She has been dx with bipolar at age 5.  Her biological mom was bipolar.  We have since had three different doctors agree with the bipolar dx.    Both my daughters are BP and act very young for there age, especially socially.  It comes with bipolar.  They also seem to think they are in charge and do not respond well to any discipline.  Spanking my daughters actually only make them worse.  They get more aggressive or laugh at us.  It is soo exhausting to deal with them.  Right now I'm at my wits end with them.  They are not listening to anything anyone says to them.  They feel they are right no matter what.  They are also getting to the age of backtalking!! Got to love the tweens.  Have you talked to your psychologist or other doctors about your concerns?? It does sound possible like bipolar.  I was once told that my daughter had RAD.  I had to put her in the hospital because she was being so violent to me and I was pregnant(high risk too).  The clinic did notthing to help her but tell her I was not loving her enough.  I will admit that at the time there was not lots of hugs and emotional connections but when someone is being physically violent to you it is hard to turn around and hug them.  The counselor could not see it was a new problem that we need to rebond and thought it was a long term problem.  Before the abuse started we were very close and people never even knew that she was not my child because we were so close.  Still today people are surprise when they find out that the girls are not biologically mine.  Sorry for going on and on....it has been a long week and I guess I decided to vent on here.  Good luck and thanks for listening to me vent.

Mary

[kseevers]

  When I read your post you could have been describing my 13 yr old daughter, I have all of that with bouts of inapropriate behavior or talk. she has high anxiety won't go to her locker at school because of the crowds, doesn't like to be left alone or go in someplaces on her own unless I make her, she can obsess on something til I want to pull my hair out, it could be a certain flavor of soda, a place she wants to go or a paticular food she absolutely has to have  "it"  and won't let up,  acts very young for her age, hasn't started her period yet . She's on a few different meds and I would say by her behavior were due for a change somewhere. Heres a couple web sites that might help BPkids.org (look for an article- Dual Diagnosis) and Depressed Teens.com . catch me for an instant chat sometime maybe we can swap stories of survival !!Good Luck, Kathy

[Littlebit722]

Thank you to everyone!!  Sabrina (our 12 year old) acts so young socially.  I know that with ADHD, they can be younger socially and emotionally.  I didn't really know that with bipolar they can be that way too.  I'm going to talk to her psychiatrist and therapist again about bipolar.

Our fifteen year old who has ADHD and bipolar doesn't really seem to get reality too well a lot of times.  It's kind of like she lives in a fantasy world.  I'll try to explain.  Schoolwork.  She'll do her work, but it's not consistent.  She'll do well, then not turn in an assignment.  She won't study for tests because "it's too boring and takes too long".  Well, no one really likes to study, but most kids figure out that if they don't want to be in trouble they have to do it.  She just won't.  Then she's almost surprised when she doesn't get a good grade.  She's a social butterfly, but when it comes to responsibility, she just doesn't get it a lot of times.   I guess this is part of bipolar too?