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new here looking for a little guidance and ear or two

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 1:33 PM
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Right now my life is a living hell on so many levels. I'm going thru a very bitter and nasty divorce/custody battle with my soon to ex husband. and my oldest keeps me on a non stop emotional roller coaster.

I have had my 10yr old daughter in and out of therapy since she was 3 almost 4 yet every single last one of them wanted to put her on Ritalin without even doing a deep eval. so off to the next dr we went. Finally after years of search, me pulling my hair out all most admitting my self for a mental break down, endless tears, screams and heart ache she has finally been diagnosed with Cyclothymic disorder and Cognitive Behavior Disorder with a very slight case of adhd-nos. With this diagnoses I feel like a major weight has been lifted from not just my shoulders but my heart. For I know the last past 2 years I have questioned my self as a mother as to what went wrong what did I do? But I cant find a thing I would change. I had to let that go and come to terms and truly accept that something is wrong with my child. I'm still struggling with the fact that she will have to be put on meds. But if it will make her better then I have no other option. I'm hoping with the team we are starting to build around us consisting of her therapist, pediatrician, and neurologist, and teacher we can find a game plan that will work for us all.

I do have a question for you all, how did you guys actually sit down an tell your child about their condition? My child is such a manipulator I don't want her using this as a crutch when things to go her way.

I look forward to getting to know all of you ladies better.


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by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 1:33 PM
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by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 1:44 PM

I knew for about 3 years that my son would most likely need meds for his hyperactivity and impulsivity and inattentiveness someday, but I did EVERYTHING in my power to keep it from happening because I thought there had to be a way around it.  I was going crazy and the school began to restrain him and I knew I couldn't keep going that direction, so I took him into to get an evaluation.  I had some issues with the facility where we did it at, but since then have taken him to another facility and feel confident that the first diagnosis was correct and that the treatment plan will be successful if I keep it going.  He has to take two meds everyday, but the difference of him NON-Meds to Medicated is like the difference between night and day.  He is happier, he has friends now, he does more than excellent work at school- he is one of the top in his class for reading and math.  We get along better, he is more respectful and polite.  I hope that you will see the positive changes like I did, and remember it was never your fault.  You do all you can as a mom, and you have to be a fighter and get through it, cuz they need you:)

by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 2:02 PM

My son is aware that he thinks differently and he processes info differently. He also has Sensory issues, so he processes sensory input differently. These different processing styles means he does not sync up with the rest of the world, and he has to learn how to sync with the rest of the world cause the world is not going to stop and learn how to sync up with him. For that, he has had extra "teachers", his therapists. We've never medicated, but I would explain that the med will help her brain sync a little bit better with the rest of the world. I never say his thinking and processing style is wrong, just different, and that those differences cause misunderstandings that he has to learn to deal with, sort of translate his thinking style into how the world thinks.

At 10yrs, she most likely already realizes that she is different, so this won't come as a surprise to her. I would avoid using the term disorder though. I never talk in terms of disorder, just differences and how those differences impact my son's world. Sometimes there are positives to the differences also, and where possible, I talk about the positives also. Such as person's with adhd have been found to be better at emergency response type jobs than persons without adhd, so they make better ER doctors, and firemen.

Good luck and your daughter is lucky to have a Mom like you. Never give up!

by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 3:31 PM

We're newly dx'd.  First the severe ADHD dx in August and the Asperger's last week.  We've been doing diet and supplements for a long time and they work pretty good.  We just started prozac, but hope to get him well enough through bio-med to come off of that sometime next year.

But, my guy is only 5 and in Kindergarten.  I decided that for now, he doesn't need to know the specifics.  He knows he gets the sillies and the yuckies and his supplements help him with those.  I call his prozac a supplement because he knows that word.  I said "drug" to my DH one night and my youngest said that drugs are bad and we shouldn't take drugs.  He doesn't really understand the difference between good drugs and bad right now.

I have told his older brother about the dx's though.  I will eventually find him (older brother) a good book to read, a book designed for siblings of these kids - to help him deal with the behaviors better.

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by Group Owner on Nov. 10, 2009 at 7:58 PM

Hi!  Our 15 year old adopted daughter started acting differently beginning in middle school.  Last year in her first year of high school she really got completely out of control.  I doubted myself as a mom too.  We already had her in therapy due to her past, so we started monitoring her.  I was so against medication.  But come to find out she has ADHD and she's bipolar.  She's now on meds and is the sweet girl we know and love.   What a difference the meds made!!!  I mean literally a night and day difference.  Thank goodness I gave in to meds, for her sake.  We sat her down and told her what she had.  We explained that it doesn't mean there's something "wrong" with her.  Just that her brain is wired a little different than some peoples.  We told her the meds would help her so she wouldn't feel all upset, out of control, depressed etc.  We explained that they wouldn't numb her, just help her feel like her old self.  We never mentioned behavior or said not to use it as a crutch (she's a master manipulator too!!).  And you know what?  She never has.  I really believe she's enjoying being her old self again.  She's so happy now. 

by Group Owner on Nov. 10, 2009 at 8:00 PM

I'm sorry, I forgot to say that I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time.  Feel free to vent here if you need to even if it's not about your child.  I'm sure nobody would mind if you talked "off topic".

Take care and I hope things get better for you soon.


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