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juvenile courts? yes or no?

Posted by on Jul. 25, 2007 at 9:38 PM
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I have a son who has been diagnosed with Reactive attachment disorder, Opposition Defiance Disorder, Conduct Disorder, ADHD, and depression.  He has been deemed homicidal 2 times in the last year, spending up to one month in one psych hospital.  He hoards knives, hits people, cusses them out, sticks his finger into the dogs ass, shows his penis  to anyone.  I have been advised by a friend of mine to take him to the juvenile courts and have him charged as unruly.  He is 6 and his behaviors started at 4.  He has been sexually abused, and neglected by his birth mother and her boyfriend.  Any advice?
by on Jul. 25, 2007 at 9:38 PM
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CHCmommy
by on Jul. 25, 2007 at 9:45 PM
I don't understand...why would they want you to take him to court and be charged as "Unruly?" How would this help him? Is he on meds? Is he in therapy? I guess the one good thing is that he is very young and he probably has a better chance than most. Plus, who diagnosed him with ODD and CD? That is usually not diagnosed in children until they are older...maybe 10-12. Is he your only child, or do you have others? Is he adopted or foster? Sorry about all the questions but it is hard to give advice with so little knowledge.
lostangel_77
by on Jul. 25, 2007 at 9:49 PM
he is my step son, and his father sees everything that happens.  His psychologist at the mental health facilities have diagnosed him and he was on respiradal, but the behaviors got even worse.  He is in therapy and he has had 6 therapist that has said that they don't know what else to do unless he becomes homicidal again.  so here we are trying to duck for cover. we also have another 10year old son and 2 , 9 year old girls.  They don't exhibit any of these behaviors. The psychologists are saying that at his age, medication will only make it worse, that is why nothing has worked.  we have a therapist right now who specializes in RAD, CD, AND ODD, and she is even at a loss right now, because the behaviors he exhibits are extreme and nothing is helping
beststepmom
by on Jul. 26, 2007 at 12:31 AM
I would talk to the dr about it, but at that age with symptems so severe. I would think about the safety and well being of my other children first, my suggestion would not be to involve the courts, getting him involved in the juvinile system more than likely won;t help him. I would suggest that he be placed in a psyc. Hospital on a permanent basis where he is watched 24/7 and in no danger to himself or your other children, until they have him under control with meds or other methods, then ussually you can start off by doing weekends visits at home to see how it goes. My brother had similar behavoirs at that age not quite as severe and my parents kept him in the home until he was 13. By that point he had molested me, shot and burned my brother and tried to poisen my mom. The physical and emotional scars he left on us never went away. I know it might feel like you are giving up on him, but it would be the best thing for him and the other children.
SingleMamaof1
by on Jul. 26, 2007 at 12:46 AM
First of all I would not involve him in the juvenile court system.  First question, is he taking anything for depression?  I ask that because anti-depressants are HORRIBLE in children.  Second, don't agree to the conduct disorder because he is too young to have it.  That disorder is mostly given to older kids and adults.  ODD, well I have a hard time with that one.  They say my son has it and its where he's just doing it on purpose but I have yet to find any concrete or clinical information for this disorder.  ADHD is a challenge regardless.  Ask your doctor about Adderall XR for the ADHD.  Very minimal side effects and it seems to work well.  At least that is my experience with it.  Now for the Reactive Attachment Disorder.....with everything you've described it appears that most of his issues probably result from that alone, although it doesn't help when he has other issues either.  RAD children do not know how to feel and CANNOT feel.  That is from being neglected by his birth mother.  I don't have any answers for that but I do know that from your post there is an extreme safety issue going on in your home.  Being that he is so young you may very well have to put him in a place where they can do intense and extensive therapy with him.  It breaks my heart that you have to endure this and that he has to deal with this at such a young age.  There is no easy answer when the behaviors are that severe but my best advice to you is NOT to give up on him no matter how hard it may be.  Right now you and your husband may his only voice to help him to become productive child.  Please if you have any more questions just message me.  I hope I've helped in at least a little way.  Keep us updated.
jmenini
by on Jul. 26, 2007 at 8:59 AM
You may want to consider finding  a different therapist who is not in the same 'suite/hosptal' as the others. There were problems helping my friends son, and even switching doctors didn't help him. It wasn't until they switched to a different mental health facility, did they start getting different answers, and ones that work.

Seems like the doctors all chatted with one another, and didn't make decisions for themselves based on what they saw, but what others said. This may not be what's happening in your case, but it may worth considering.

dee2004
by on Jul. 26, 2007 at 11:00 AM
I am so very sorry for you and your family. I have to agree with some of the other posters that I would not involve the courts. I also think you should do some reserach and find a good hospital for him to live at until he can be made to be less dangerous to himself and others-I beleive your other children may be in danger. I would make absolutly sure that the chosen hospital was one where he can be helped and not just hid away. Some hospitals do just that-just keep them doped up and quiet. Others are very good and have wonderful staff devoted to helping the child and the child's family. I truly beleive that is the best thing. I feel that is problems run too deep to be dealt with by you and your hubby. I also think the sooner help comes the better his chance for improvement. Now with that said I realize it is much easier for us to give this advice as it is not our child. I cannot imagine how hard it will be if you choose this course of action. I know it will be devastating for you and hubby to send him to a hospital-the child may feel betrayed at first but as long as you and hubby stay very invovled he will be better off for it. I really beleive it is his only chance from what you have told us. I will pray for you and your family
DandKplus4
by on Jul. 26, 2007 at 11:29 AM

Quoting dee2004:

I am so very sorry for you and your family. I have to agree with some of the other posters that I would not involve the courts. I also think you should do some reserach and find a good hospital for him to live at until he can be made to be less dangerous to himself and others-I beleive your other children may be in danger. I would make absolutly sure that the chosen hospital was one where he can be helped and not just hid away. Some hospitals do just that-just keep them doped up and quiet. Others are very good and have wonderful staff devoted to helping the child and the child's family. I truly beleive that is the best thing. I feel that is problems run too deep to be dealt with by you and your hubby. I also think the sooner help comes the better his chance for improvement. Now with that said I realize it is much easier for us to give this advice as it is not our child. I cannot imagine how hard it will be if you choose this course of action. I know it will be devastating for you and hubby to send him to a hospital-the child may feel betrayed at first but as long as you and hubby stay very invovled he will be better off for it. I really beleive it is his only chance from what you have told us. I will pray for you and your family


I agree with all of this. My heart goes out to you! I could only imagine the fear and hurt that you must be dealing with, as well as him. I hope that you are able to find the right Dr. that will give him the best care that he deserves.
CHCmommy
by on Jul. 26, 2007 at 10:10 PM
I just can't imagine puting a 6 yr old child into a full-time mental hospital.  Ultimately though I would have to think of the safety of my other children.  My God what a tough decision you have before you.  What about a therapeutic foster home, or therapeutic group home until he is stable?  Therapeutic Foster homes typically only have one child and then one of the parents is a stay-at-home parent. 
But then there's still the issue of getting his meds right first. 

I feel for you and your family, and this poor little boy.  I wish the best for you.  Please keep us posted.
FightforShawn
by on Jul. 26, 2007 at 10:54 PM
Lostangel, I can not stress enough how important it is to keep looking for different doctors and opinions. Some of the behaviors you talked about are the same things my son has done. Yes even the dog but he dint stick his finger up its butt he was masturbating the dog. The only difference is my son has never been sexually abused. I have been told more than once that my baby was homicidal. Don't give up on him, please. The suggestion was brought to me to take my son to court, I said no. I looked and looked and told doctor after doctor, therapy and phys over and over what was going on. Finally someone listened and they decided to get him a MRI, come to find out he has a cyst on his brain. Well that got the ball rolling, next we went to teachh and had a evaluation. I found out that he has a form of autism. I can not tell you how many meds he has been on, some worked some dint. He was even put into a group home for a year for threatening to kill his sister. They have diagnosed him as retarded, homicidal, bi polar, depressed, physco, behavioral, mental and one dick-head told me he was crazy and needed to be locked up, I cussed him out. He is only 11 by the way. This has been going on since he was about 2. Please I beg you don't give up on him, it takes alot and sometimes you feel like you are gonna loose your mind but when you have that same child that they tell you is a throw away, look into your eyes and tells you I love you and thank you, its all worth it. Shawn has also been sent to the physc ward. I have had to lay on top of him, all the while he was biting, kicking, spitting on me and screaming how he hated me and wanted to kill me. I simply kept telling him I loved him and I would not give up on him and I would not let him give up on his-self. I would also suggest therapy for your family, together. All 3 of my children go to therapy together to better understand each other and then we go as a family. I also belong to a local support group for mothers. If you ever want to vent or just talk, please feel free to contact me. CGreene001@carolina.rr.comThese kids need us and I just hope you and your family are going to weigh all your options. Again please don't give up on him and contact me if you need to. Shawn still has days but he has come along way, in fact he will graduate from the special school he goes to this summer and he will be starting regular school this year. And they said my baby was homicidal, NO WAY.
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