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Son tells lies about abuse, I'm worried about school!

Posted by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 11:54 PM
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Well the day has finally arrived and I'm taking my 5 y/o for psych evaluation tomorrow. Not a moment too soon as things seem to be getting worse. I'm concerned because of all the nightmares, violent thoughts and fears of violent death that he has. Tonight was the worst acting out that I've seen from him yet - he told me how much he wants ME to die and described it, then hit me and kicked me and then laid on the ground (after his time-out) and blamed me for making his whole body hurt (incuding his brain) - all because I wouldn't read him as many stories as he wanted. It's frightening.

At his physical last week, he told the doctor that sometimes his Daddy walks up when he's in bed and spits on him (which of course does not happen). One day when his dad came home from work, my son ran up to him and started telling him a story about me kicking him. What in the world is going on?!  After he said that to his doctor, I suddenly realized that this could be really serious if he tells these kinds of stories at school!! Aren't schools required to report things like that?  I don't know what to do! Should I warn his teacher? "Oh, by the way - my son likes to make up stories about being abused at home, but they're not true - - no really, just ignore him." That sounds really great, huh? Has anyone else experienced this?
by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 11:54 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ddbz
by on Aug. 1, 2007 at 1:07 AM

Hi toylady -
Geez, what will they think of next!
You definitely need to get the psych. involved so that this can be documented by him first. That way, if someone does actually call the authorities, you will be "covered."
Meanwhile, the psych. may be able to prescribe a med to help your boy with his stories.
Good luck!

sunshine68680
by on Aug. 2, 2007 at 4:41 PM
My son has gone to school and told different stories about not eating and being abused and things of that nature. The school did call Social Services and they have been to my house several times it sucks I always feel so horrible afterwards and I tried to explain to my son if he gets taken away that he wont have the same luxuories anymore or freedom and that we wont see each other anymore. I would talk to the guidance counselor at your sons school and explain the situation to her/him and take it from there. I hope everything works out . Im here if you need to talk.
toylady
by on Aug. 2, 2007 at 7:26 PM
That's what I was afraid of. I took him to his first evaluation meeting with a psychologist yesterday. We haven't completed the ADHD testing yet, but set him up for individual counseling due to his other issues. I told the therapist about this, and she told me that they are bound by the same laws as the schools - to report to the authorities if abuse is claimed by the child. That really scared me, because I was hoping the therapist would be our advocate - that she would understand the situation - but now I'm nervous about sending him to therapy! I think he really needs it, though. He needs help that I can't give him. He did tell the therapist a story about another kid beating him on the head and trying to kill him and going to the hospital...and she said, "Is this what you mean?".

I was trying to avoid scare tactics, but I don't think we have any choice. I talked to my husband afterwards, and we are just going to try to scare him with the truth to get him to stop with the lies. The stories haven't been going on that long - just a few incidents, for shock value and attention I assume. Although he's told me a few times that he wants ME to go away, I think that the idea of being taken away from home to live with strangers should affect him. I'm hoping for the best.
rdsword
by on Aug. 2, 2007 at 10:17 PM
i went thru the social services coming to my home because my son said i attacked him and scratched his neck by choking him. The real story is he came at me and i grabbed him to keep from falling over and I barely nicked him.  He too was waiting on an appointment to get into the P- Doc.   I explained to the social worker what was going on and she made a note that he was posiibly bipolar. he got on meds and it helped alot. My son also would hear voices and see dead people that told him what to say!!!! I was totally freaked. Hang in there it should get better.
lovinmykids132
by on Aug. 3, 2007 at 12:13 AM
Are you seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist?  Not to scare you, but there may be more involved than just ADHD.  Get him into see someone who can prescribe meds if necessary.  We got our best help from the closest Children's Hospital.  Before you start talking to the school, quietly find out what the principal and support staff are like.  Some will do their best to work with you, others will not help at all, or make things worse.  When my son was diagnosed my school jumped through every hoop they could and cut through all kinds of red tape to get him the help he needed.  When it was my daughter's turn, totally opposite and they tried to take my friends children away from her.  They are still trying to pay off the attorney fees five years later.
Have you already registered your son for school?  Is kindergarten mandatory in your state?  It is not always mandatory but a lot of people don't know that.  If you haven't registered him yet you may want to put that off.  "You maybe don't think he's emotionally ready yet." if someone asks.  Some boys do better starting a little older.  Of course, you might be ready to share the load by him being in school. You may need to "home school" him until you get a better handle on things.  Of course, school for him right now might be LEARNING LIFE things instead of academic things for a little while.  I'm a public school teacher and I have had to "home school" both of my children at different times.  There is more to life than ABC and 123.  If the stories started recently he may be having some anxiety about being separated from you especially if he is the oldest and hasn't seen siblings be okay with going to school.
I would be careful about "scare" tactics, he might report those as abuse too.
I was taught by a great child development teacher  that you can study all the different techniques of raising a child or treating a disorder and you can spend years trying to figure it out but there is really only one person who KNOWS what the perfect answer is for your child--God.  Ask for his help and he will help you find the answers you need.  My prayers will be with you!  Have a blessed day!  Kaye
richgirljj
by on Aug. 3, 2007 at 12:45 AM
my son was in a self-contained school for special needs kids, and they knew us, so thankfully when my son said his outrageious tales, they knew he was making it up... and we didn't have DCF called on us, but I always think that we will.  However, since we have the diagnosis and all, I am not concerned at all....

Things my son said;

My mom and dad only give me two meals a day, breakfast and the lunch I have at school, so if you don't feed me, I'll starve, since I don't get to eat when I go home.

I had 5 other brothers and sisters, but my parents killed them and buried them in the backyard.

I don't have a brother anymore, my mom killed him.

I don't get to eat anything but candy at home.  My parents want my teeth to fall out, so they only give me sweets.

My parents are trying to kill me.....

Oh, the list goes on and on and on... and I have to laugh about it, because otherwise I would cry....

lfpd3831
by on Aug. 3, 2007 at 11:57 AM
i agree with lovinmykids123 i think there is more than adhd going on here. My 2 are bipolar and i am all too familiar with those kinds of lies. I have had DFS at my house numerous times. After they investigate they always found us clear of any abuse but it is hard to deal with. What stopped my daughter was a very large policeman. We had gone thru several DFS investigations and she started with "i;m gonna call 911" i told her to go ahead i was tired of her threats (she was 10) well she did, and they sent out the biggest police officer they had 6'6 big big man. He scared her, sat her down and said that if she called again she better be being abused or he would take her to where she could really see abuse. It didnt totally stop but it helped. She is actually in residential treatment now for her being so severely violent towards class mates as far as the stories well your doctor has to report abuse also, yes the school will report it. You should have an honest talk with the school.  You need to have an IEP done there and have a lot of people involved. it is going to be very hard but there is help

Terri

Taffie1995
by on Aug. 3, 2007 at 6:21 PM
How is your relationship with your doctor?  If your doctor supports you and knows that nothing is going on have him put it in writing that your child is prone to telling such stories and make sure that letter gets into his file at school.  I know because my daughter was prone to the same type of stories. If you just touched her (and mean touch) she would scream "that hurts, you hurt me", she told one person her dad pick her and through her across the room in to a chair. When what he really did is pick her up and set her son in the chair for time out.  We talked to our doctor (fortunately) his specialty is ADD/ADHD wrote a letter to the school and informed them that this was sometimes a problem and let the school know that she was under regular observation and frequently saw him for her problem.  With his help we were able to have her evaluated and with medication and us understanding how to talk to her made the difference.  Be careful about threatening or telling him that someone will take him away. He may cause nightmares and or believe that you don' t want him ( because he sees it as you would let someone take him not that you wouldn't have a choice) which could cause a self-esteem problem later on. We tried this tactic first  and now she constantly need told that we love her and that we would never give her up (she is now 9 and going into 4th grade).
beststepmom
by on Aug. 3, 2007 at 7:05 PM
 I am so sorry for what you are going through. I hate to say though that there are many schools and such that don't report abuse when they need to. My girls were going to school for years with black eyes,sctraches and bruises from their mom and stepdad and unfortunatly the school was believing everything their mom said and not reporting it. 
LOSTMOMNEEDHELP
by on Aug. 5, 2007 at 1:54 AM
I wouldn't recommend that "scare" tactic without talking to your counselor first.  We tried that with my step-daughter, and she fantasizes now about going to live with a foster family.  She says we aren't the family she wants and she wants to find a different one.  She's 14 now.  She's been telling the same type of lies your son has since she was 4.  She still tells them.  The problem is even more complicated by the fact that it's a "split" family.  She lived with her mom until she was 11 when she moved in with us.  We didn't know what were lies and what weren't.  DCFS was called on her mom and step-dad many times by the schools and neighbors.  When she moved in with us, she started telling similar lies about us trying to get DCFS involved again.  She LOVES to be the center of attention.  You need to get help soon though.  My step-daughter went from "just" telling lies about everyone to getting violent with us to try and make some of her lies come true by trying to get us to strike her.  She would even beg for us to hit her and give her bruises.  When we wouldn't do it, she would make up even worse lies about us to tell the school social worker.
Is there any help out there for parents like us with children like this?  My step-daughter has even threatened to kill ALL of us.
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