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Well Its Official.....I am the worst Mom in the world!

Posted by on Mar. 28, 2007 at 11:13 PM
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I dont know where to begin. My son is bipolar, ADHD, depression and possibly ODD. He started new meds a couple of weeks ago, and I thought things were going good. The last couple of days he has been having manic episodes, flipping out breaking things,throwing things and threatening all of us. This afternoon it started again.....breaking things, spitting in my face, calling me horrible names.....F*cking Bitch, Whore, Cunt you name it. The police came and tried to get everything straightened out. He seemed calm while they were here. 30 minutes after they left it started all over again. I just dont know how much more I can take. This time he put some holes in the wall, slammed my foot in the door, tried to break my fingers, pushed me over the bed and into the wall, then he grabbed my arm twisted it behind me and shoved me into the wall, at one point he held a club up and said that he was gonna bash my brains in. My daughter called the police back, this time when they came they saw the marks on me and asked if I wanted to press charges. What do you say to that? That is my son and I love him with all my heart. I finally said yes. You should have seen the look he gave me. It killed me. I had my own son arrested. I am trying to help him and save the rest of us too. My youngest daughter is terrified of him when he flips out. We all are. He is 14 but he is 6'1" 220 lbs. He cant keep terrorizing us. I know he has problems, but am I enabling him? I dont know. My ex MIL said to stop trying to protect him so he can get the help he needs. He is on new meds but definitely needs counseling. He has been through a lot. All of my children have. The abuse they have witnessed from their father to me and then transferring to them. They have been through more than any kids should have to. Then he says he wants to live with his Dad. First of all that will never happen. I had to get an emergency protective order against his dad for beating him up in November 06. His dad is abusive  and has drug problems and alcoholic. So someone PLEASE tell me that I did the right thing and that he wont hate me forever. I hope he knows how much I love him and would do anything for him. They did call me from the juvenile detention center when he got there and I got to speak to him for a minute. He said he loves me and just kept asking WHY? Why did I do it? All I could say is I love you Jake!! He said I love you to Mom and then the phone went dead. I feel like the worst mom in the world. I hope he forgives me..........Cry

by on Mar. 28, 2007 at 11:13 PM
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by on Mar. 28, 2007 at 11:20 PM
You are not a bad mom. The kid has problems and the med change probably set him off. I have to say that I would have done the same thing (pressing charges). Its hard to deal with a kid that is all those things to begin with. But it sounds like he is a really big 14yo and could definatly hurt you or your daughter in one of his rages.

I am sure he will forgive you. It may take a few days for him to calm down and realize (because he probably doesn't now) what he did to you and what he could have done.

Keep your head up. Hopefully once these meds have had a chance to get into his system he will calm back down.
by on Mar. 28, 2007 at 11:25 PM
  Haven't you ever heard of tough love? If not you better study up because if not someone is gonna end up hurt real bad one of these days. You did the best thing you could have done, dont you dare regret calling the police.This may force him to get the help he really needs.Maybe a stay at the hospital where they could monitor him and adjust meds to where they need to be. But also he is gonna have to want to get better. Never feel bad for getting your child help. For tonight your child is safe and you and your family is safe.  Eventually your child will understand you did this out of love. 
by on Mar. 28, 2007 at 11:32 PM
Oh What a night you have had.  Not only that what a life.  I am a mom of children who have a lot of prob. too.  You are not a bad mom at all.  I agree that it's most likely the med. change.  If he's taking med for depression separate from the bipolar.  You really need to check this out.  I just found out today that it can really interfere.  I am also bipolar, I am 37 and have always had this, as long as I can remember.   I only found out the truth of it this last fall.   Looking back as a child, I wish that my mom would have just done something to help.  So you are doing something.  One step at a time will complete a journey.  You do have to protect yourself and others.  You even had to do this to protect him.  Look into more tomorrow.  Maybe, you can even put in an emergency call right now, to his Doc.  He may need a bit of hospitalization..  Hold you head up and know that you are in my heart.
by on Mar. 28, 2007 at 11:44 PM
My Dear Friend,
I have been through the exact same thing with my daughter about four years ago. She was fourteen at the time. We had just gotten dx maybe 8 months prior. It turns out she was on the wrong meds.
But I had my daughter arrested once, and tried to do it a second time. Because I brought her to the police station they told me they couldn't take her, but they did give her a court date. It was tough. But it was the right thing.
We had to hospitalize her for about a month to get the old meds out of her system. We wanted she see how she would be without any meds. From that point, we were able to find the right medication and the right disciplinary approach.
Four years later, she is doing so much better. She's been on the honor roll, part of the academic team, holding a job, planning for prom and graduation, and looking at colleges.
She stops taking her medication for awhile, but when she sees her life without it... she gets back on.
I promise you, you are doing the right thing. I told myself that loving my daughter meant being willing to risk her hating me, if it meant stopping her from doing the wrong thing.
Chin up and stay strong. I say you're a great mom.
by on Mar. 29, 2007 at 12:39 AM
This is not Michelle, this is her son Aaron and I also have bipolar disorder. My mom showed me this post and when i read it all i could think was that you were absolutely right in what you did. I decided to reply to this because I figured that it would be particularly reassuring coming from a son who also has bipolar. You did more for your son in pressing charges than you could possibly imagine right now.  Even though he absolutely hates you right now when this is all sorted out and settled down and your sons bipolar is under control, he will realize that this was the moment that showed him no matter what his mom is there for him, and that things can get way out of control but even if they are out of control there will still be consequences.  This will motivate him to control his bipolar better than anything else possibly could. I'd like to leave you with a quote i hope will help you. "It's always darkest just before the dawn". 
by on Mar. 29, 2007 at 1:29 AM
Way to go, MOM!!! 

I am very proud of you.  You are standing up for yourself and your other children!  You are doing EVERYTHING you can to stop the cycle of abuse!  Your son has a mental illness and needs help.  And this a great way to get him the help he needs!!!

We all feel guilty from time to time, but I promise you and all these other mom's promise you - you are a great mom!!!  Keep up the good work!!

I'll be praying for you.  Let us know how it goes!!!
by on Mar. 29, 2007 at 1:33 AM
hello~ first of all u gotta know ur not a bad mom....... my son is 19 the 2nd of 6 kids. i went threw that same thing where i called the police and he went to jail, he stayed the nite but he got a taste of it,  things seem to settle down for a while then it started back up with hitting his sisters and actting like he was bigger then me. ur lucky ur son even takes his  meds, mine wont he thinks everyone is nuts nothing is wrong with him. well now he dont drive i cant trust him with his temper, he dont even work,  but i will say he has gotten alittle better, but if he took his pills he would like himself. but im always the blame for  all his mistakes, but after a while u get use to it, and say enough is enough, but i just thought i write u and tell u ur not alone, i pray for u and ur son. hope things  get better for u, keep things posted. but ur doing the right thing. ur not a bad mom tho so just remember be tuff keep ur chin up and believe in ur self and ur son, its nothing u did, or myself, underneath he loves u, they just have a hard time showing  it with this diease.!!
by on Mar. 29, 2007 at 1:38 AM
i forgot to say one more thing dont let him play on his diesae or he will work it to his  fullest, my son did,  then it only gets worse cuz ur feeling sorry for him and there very  smart on picking that up. and talk around him not where he can hear u talking about him. cuz they can pick up that too. i been threw it.
by on Mar. 29, 2007 at 5:44 AM
Being a bad mom would be letting it keep happening and not doing anything about it! You did something about it and that is being a good mom. Even with his diagnosis that is NO excuse to act the way you describe even if the kid has been through a lot. There is still a respect level that a child needs to have for the parent. My son is Bipolar, ADHD, and OCD, with ODD tendencies and he is only 9 yrs old with a pretty serious temper. So, I can relate. I had to teach him to keep his hands to himself and now he does.

Don't down on yourself because you had to do this for him. You did what was right. He has to understand that his behavior has consequences. He CHOSE to behave the way he did so he CHOSE to take the consequence for his actions. He may be angry but he will hopefully get a therapist there and they can closely regulate his meds.

by on Mar. 29, 2007 at 9:07 AM
you did what you had to do. we went though the same thing about 6 yrs ago. i thought i would die inside. we went to our local family magistrate and filied incorgiability papers on our son. i had to go to the school and have them sign the papers then we went to court where the judge made him award of the state. they took him that moment i had to go home and pack his stuff and meet the case worker. he was taken to a transitional home for about 1 month. i could go see him twice a week for 2 hrs each time. he didnt want me there he would tell me i could leave after about 30 min. it broke my heart. he was placed in southwood psy. hospital (for kids just like him) we got to take him there and see the facilitys. he ended up there for 1yr. it was here that he was dignosed with bipolar and had his meds ajusted. this is the best thing we could of done for him. he was so over medicated on ritilyn we didnt know, he was seeing a specialist we listened to them. he is now on lythium. since his stay at the hospital he made honor roll at high school, played 2yrs of football, 3 yrs of wrestling, made a couple of lifetime friends. (big goal for us) i wrote in a jornal everynite that he was away. i will give it to him someday. it made me feel so much better i could tell him how much i missed him but knew he was better off. the jornal was my therapy. keepin you in my prayers.........
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