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My anxiety is ruining my life...Looking for support....:(

Posted by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 5:22 PM
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I have had anxiety and depression most of my life. I am currently 29 yrs old. Here is my past which I believe led to my depression and anxiety. First off my dad is an alcoholic. He has always emotionally abuse me, though he never physically hurt me. To give an example he once told me the best thing I could do was kill myself. He gambled and drank so much that for years we lived in a house that had mold, mice, bugs, it was falling down around us.  In my late teen years and early twenties I would cut myself because I was depressed.When I was 22 years old I met my DH. He was only friends with me but when he saw how I was living and how depressed I was he got an apartment and moved me in with him. He then had his two DD's every weekend. In 2007 my DH gained full custody of his DD's bc their BM was living with a rapist. BM pretty much limited her visits and contact with the girls over the past 3 years and I became their main mother figure. At times they aren't happy with this, my DH's family doesn't want me to be their mother figure either. In March 2009 I gave birth to my DD who is 15 months old now. I did work in the past but had bleeding during my pregnancy so I had to stop working and now I am a stay at home mom. (though I would much rather work part time and finish college). December of 2009 we bought my parent's house and took out a rehabilitation loan. We figured we could stay in our current 2 bedroom apartment until the house was finished. We have had numerous problems with the contractor and had to fire him. Then we found out he worked on the house with no permits. He didn't have a license to to get permits where I live. We found a new contractor who estimated the rehab to be almost 30,000 we only have 18,000 left on our rehab loan. So we are still stuck paying rent and a mortgage on a house we can't live in. I can't work because I wouldn't even make enough to pay for child care bc I don't have my college degree yet. In April I found a lump in my breast and of course bc of my anxiety I was terrified but after a biopsy it turned out to be a fibroadeoma (benign). Then this past week I noticed another lump in my breast and I am terrified again :( . My anxiety is so bad I have hard time dealing my daily life.  I also have been having a lot of problems in my marriage. My DH thinks I'm not intimate with him enough and nags me about it all the time. He told me the first year of our marriage was the first year of our relationship. He thinks my anxiety keeps me from living my life. He doesn't understand why I am so afraid about the lump in my breast. Just wondering if there is anyone out there that could talk to me and give me some support.:( I don't know what to do anymore...I can't believe I another lump to worry about.
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by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 5:22 PM
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Replies (1-5):
flightsongmom
by Member on Jul. 12, 2010 at 6:31 PM
So sorry you are going through such a rough time. You don't say whether you have talked to your doctor about your anxiety and depression but that would be the first place to start. God bless.
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futurmil2b
by Bronze Member on Jul. 13, 2010 at 9:36 PM

Have you got a biopsy for the second lump you found....more than likely its benign to.   Sorry you are having a rough time. Stress does bring on a LOT of anxiety and you seem to be going through a lot of stress.  Feel free to PM anytime.

Jay B.

ShellyKaynyc
by Member on Sep. 12, 2010 at 10:22 AM

 I am kind of disgusted that 53 people viewed this and you got 2 replies. I thought this was a support group. here is my email if you wanna talk honey.

shellykaynyc@yahoo.com

 

heather29
by New Member on Sep. 12, 2010 at 1:07 PM

So sorry you are going through so much.  I hate anxiety and can only imagine what your level is at giving what you are going through.  :(  I've had anxiety since junior high and I'm now in my thirties.  So if you ever want to chat I'm always around.  Hope things calm a little. 

caseyloo
by on Sep. 12, 2010 at 4:06 PM

I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time.  I hope things start to get better soon.

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