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Posted by on May. 7, 2007 at 2:06 PM
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I have always been a worrier as long as I can remember. Since having kids, it has gotten out of hand. When ds3(4 yrs) was born, it got so bad that my dr put me on Prozac. I started weaning off several months ago, but last week made an appointment with my dr to maybe go back on it. I am a SAHM, and I have been having this horrible fear of something happening to me during hte day with just my 4 yo and the 2 yo I watch here, leaving me lying there until my older boys(8 and 10) come home from school with ds3 freaking out. I have taught ds3 to use the phone to call 911, but it still just scares me terribly to imagine leaving my kids. I know in my head that its certainly posible, but nowhere near likely. I have no health problems, no sicknesses, no allergies, nothing.

I guess part of it is my mother died when I was very young(almost 3), and yesterday would have been her birthday. I know how easily it COULD happen, and how hard it would be on my kids. UGHHH! Im sane enough that this fear isnt interferring wiht my life, but I still have that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach almost constantly. I know I have to go back on my meds, and I just wish I didnt need them!
by on May. 7, 2007 at 2:06 PM
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Replies (1-4):
officefan01
by Member on May. 7, 2007 at 3:14 PM
Hi. You sound a lot like me! I have the exact same fears! My father died when I was a year old, so I don't remember him at all. In the last few years I became gripped with fear that I would die and my children would have to grow up without me! I was so sure that I was dying that I even wrote letters to each child and my husband to find after I was gone! It got really bad. I knew there was no medical reason for my fear and that it was all in my head. I began to have panic attacks that my husband would have to talk me through. I didn't go to the doctor for it, but I did join a support group at our church. I finally decided that I was giving myself a death sentence and I wasn't allowing myself to enjoy the time I had with my kids. I decided I wasn't going to do it anymore. Now I recognize when an attack is coming on and I get myself calmed down. It wasn't an easy process, but I've come a long way! I'm so glad you've joined the group. I would love to talk to you more. Please message me anytime!
ladybug629
by New Member on May. 7, 2007 at 4:03 PM
Thank you officefan. Im sure a lot of it comes from losing a parent so young. I was talking to a friend yesterday who lost her dad at 15, and she has a lot of the same fears.

My dad(who also suffers from anxiety) gave me a book once and the best thing I got from it was to just accept the fact that that sick feeling is there. Its not going to do anything to you, it cant hurt you, its just there. I do a lot better when we get out and go places, so I try to do that each day. I also have been focussing on enjoying my kids more lately. I layed down with my littlest one today while he was napping. It was so sweet when he just naturally curled around my arm in his sleep. Thats a feeling that will make anyone feel better!
officefan01
by Member on May. 7, 2007 at 4:06 PM
What was the name of the book? I'm glad you are working through your "stuff" too. Let me know if I can help!
ladybug629
by New Member on May. 8, 2007 at 10:07 AM
I cant remember the name of the book. Ill have to find it and let you know. Something about calming your nerves. Its an older book, but had a lot of good things(and some things that I just thought WHAT? LOL).

Have you hit the age your dad was when he died? My mom was 26, and I will be 33 next month. Sometimes I feel like Im on borrowed time, other times I feel lucky to have more time with my kids, others I wonder why I get to have that and she didnt. I think this is a new stage-Im over the feeling of being cheated I had when I was a kid, and now almost seem to obsess(at times) on what she felt, what it was like for her.
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