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I don't know what to do

Posted by on Jul. 24, 2014 at 12:13 AM
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I am 25 with 3 kids 7, 3, and 2. I've started to feel like I'm alone all the time even though I'm a stay at home mom. My husband works 6 days a week and when he's home he ignores me and when he's actually talking to me he's yelling because the house is a wreck. Well I admit my house is a mess. I struggle with keeping g it clean and motivating myself to clean especially lately all I want to do is sit on the couch and watch TV and the kids. I don't even want to get dressed, shower, or leave the house. My husband yells at me about everything and I tell him if he would help me clean I wouldn't feel so defeated but he says that isn't his job and he flat out refuses to help. He doesn't even help with the kids. I don't have anyone to talk to. My mother says leave but I have no way of doing that since I have no family where I live and I have no money. I just want him to love me and pay attention to me and help me with the house and the kids in his spare time.
by on Jul. 24, 2014 at 12:13 AM
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Replies (1-5):
LadyJag
by Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 11:52 PM

 I'm sorry, hon! I wish there was something I could do or say to help, but all I can do is pray for you and give you some "truths" I've learned over the years:

1. You cannot make anyone love you. This is especially true if you don't love yourself.

2. You cannot change anyone but yourself.

3. You cannot change your life unless you change your perspective.

4. You are never "stuck" and there will always be hope. Change IS always possible, albeit sometimes very difficult, and might require courage you didn't realize you had.

Now that I've told you the few life lessons I've learned, I have to ask - have you spoken with your pastor about how you feel in your current situation? He might have access to some resources that can help you.

I hope things get better for you and that you find a way to change this situation that is making you feel so sad.

homextownxgirl
by Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 4:07 AM
Im so sorry that he is having u feel bad about ur self... Iv been there so i know how u feel... Does the kids pick up there toys??? They r plinty old enough to help out some... My granddaughter is 2 and we have her picking up toys and throwing away trash and her 1yr old brother is picking up on that already and has started helping to.. I have 4 kids which i rasied mostly on my own my 2oldest dad is alive and i had to leave him he yeiled at me alot and stuff.. That hun is verbal abuse.. Im sure there is a safe house or shealter u can go to with the kids.. Call the wealfair office or the cops they would know.. Get out of there befor it gets worse.. Much love hun..
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Allthere
by New Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 11:43 AM
1 mom liked this

 Did you have anxiety and/or depression before your marriage and the kids.  If so, how does/did your husband handle it.  I spoke with my ex-husband about my depression and GAD before we got married and he acted like he understood everything and was very supportive.  After a few years of marriage and  while pregnant with my 2nd child, he became not as understanding.  I tried bringing him literature so that he could understand that my condition was one that I couldn't help and that I need him to be the supportive person I thought I married.  Now that my DD is showing major signs of GAD (hereditary, I feel like a crap mom for passing it on), he understands and is all for therapy and meds if needed and all around supportive.  We have been divorced since 2010 and will not reconcile, but I just wish he coudl've been supportive when I needed him but am glad that he is trying to be there for my DD.  Anyway, you need some interaction outside the home with other adults.  Do you have friends that you are able to see.  Even if it is a playdate where they bring their kids and you guys have coffee and talk while your kids are playing, it would probably help.  I guess I have more questions than answers for you, but, I would definitely find some literature for your husband to read and see if he's open to it.  If not, I would talk about possible therapy.  You simply cannot continue this way, without support from someone.  Hopefully, you can post more and maybe some of the other ladies will have better advice.  I just try to take my meds like I'm supposed to and be aware when they are or are not working.  Just keep in minds that you are the world to your kids.  That has kept me from making bad decisions often.  Praying and thinking of you! hugs

KatUzumaki
by New Member on Aug. 19, 2014 at 8:50 PM
With depression and anxiety... Cleaning a house up is as stressful, scary, and tedious as picking a college and college major for someone without mental illness.

I get the same way. Sometimes my husband helps... But if he does, he's pissed about it.

I like to break it down. Like.. Watch an hour of tv then clean for 5 minutes. Watch another hour... Clean for five.

And then I reward myself. Like... When the bathroom is clean... I reward myself with tweeting my eyebrows. The bedroom.. Polishing my toes.

It kinda helps in all areas since the depression makes me not want to even take care of myself.

Took my first shower in a week today. :-/

Fucking depression
KatUzumaki
by New Member on Aug. 19, 2014 at 8:50 PM
With depression and anxiety... Cleaning a house up is as stressful, scary, and tedious as picking a college and college major for someone without mental illness.

I get the same way. Sometimes my husband helps... But if he does, he's pissed about it.

I like to break it down. Like.. Watch an hour of tv then clean for 5 minutes. Watch another hour... Clean for five.

And then I reward myself. Like... When the bathroom is clean... I reward myself with tweeting my eyebrows. The bedroom.. Polishing my toes.

It kinda helps in all areas since the depression makes me not want to even take care of myself.

Took my first shower in a week today. :-/

Fucking depression
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