Problem with 21 yr old

[sweetsinglemama]

hi all!

  I'm so frustrated this morning.  Yesterday, I had some money stolen from me. I know 100%. Well the only other person home ws my 21 yr old. I was on the computer & my purse was in the kitchen. Well I find it missing when I go to the store. She denies but has a pack of cigarettes. She says that her friend Courtney bought em. Well I know 2 Courtney's so I ask the one. She says no she hasn't talked to me in awhile. My 16 yr old asked the other one this morning & she said she didn't give her money. She already had it. I can't leave my purse in my own home & not being stolen from. She is 22 next month . Has never had a job & in the past I've had money missing. Not possibly but I know exactly how much was there & then it's missing & she's the only one that was here. What to do?? I've told her about it & she denies it big time!! I sometimes think kicking her out is the only way but sad to say. I've done that & she comes right back.  I'm at al loss & need some advice. No bashing. 

[chgomom]

Hello,

Well you've got to take action here. You know what has to be done, you just need to do it. Starting off this isn't bashing just allot I learned surviving my two teens. Here it goes.

There need to be ground rules and there are no exceptions. Stealing, anywhere anytime is unexceptable. You tell her from now on things are different. If she steals from a neighbor she goes to jail, why should you be any different? I know you love your kids, however, enabling them creates a sense of entitlement that leads to trouble. She can't just take things, anywhere!  You can't follow the rules you need to go. Then as painful as it is you need to follow through only this time you hold tight and don't take her back! Stop enabling her. Get counseling for both of you.

Watch your money and things closely, you really should know what you have and conftront her. If you don't know what you have, she's probably doing it WAY more than you know. You need to realize unless you are tough on this your child could end up in jail or worse. She's really young, I get it, though you need to be consistant and mean it!  

If she doesn't work she should have requirements on what she has to do each day. For example, turn in 3 job applications a day, her laundry, etc. Stick to it and find an outlet, a counselor, a friend, a mom on here thats been through it all.

Also if you believe she has an addiction or anything she needs help for.....get help However, don't make excuses for her. Please google a phrase like, "stop enabling you adult child" and stuff like that. Your situation is common and it leads to much worse unless you stop what you are doing.

Been there and done this, please get help.