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No sex :o(

Posted by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 4:52 PM
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 My husband is 17 years 10 months older than me....I'm 41 and he's nearly 59.   When we first started dating, we had sex ALL THE TIME....sometimes 3 times a night....and in "unusual" places.

Now we've been married for 20 years (together for 23 years) and have two kids, ages 7 and 10.

About 6 years ago, the sex started to fade....less and less every month...then we would go 3 or 4 months between times.....then 6 months.....then 9 months....

It has now been 2 years 3 months since we've had sex!  Yes, that's 27 months without sex!!!  June of 2009 was the last time we had sex!!

I'll admit, I'm not exactly missing it that much....but then again, I do miss it.  I don't miss it because during intercourse, I have pain.....not severe pain, just a nagging stabbing pain in my lower abdominal area....I've been told it's possibly because of ovarian cysts?   I DO miss it because I miss the intimacy with my husband....I miss feeling wanted, needed, loved.  All I've been feeling lately is fat, ugly and disgusting.....and definitely not wanted.   I've asked my husband "is it me or do you just not want to have sex?" and he said he's just always too tired, too busy, blah, blah, blah.  He is NOT having an affair....I know that for a fact.  He's also taking a medication that decreases his sex drive, but he has told me that he does get "horny".....so I don't get it....if he gets that "feeling", why doesn't he act on it?!  Grrrrr!!!

Anyone else experience something like this?  Any ideas, suggestions?  :o/    I'm just feeling very ugly and unwanted  :o(

by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 4:52 PM
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LadyOsgood
by on Sep. 20, 2011 at 5:25 PM

We are in the same boat...im 24 though and he is 49. At first I thought it was his age...then I dismissed that knowing men are still horny even if there is an issue with getting  it up. For us it's hard because we have a 2 yr old and a 4 yr old with special needs. (fast fact: did you know that 85-90% of marriages with special needs kids end in divorce and the rate is higher if this isnt the first marriage)

Could he know your in pain and not want to hurt you...even without really thinking about it.

I know meds do it...my husband and i are both on meds that lower sex drive...this just means we have to really push ourselves to get there.

if he is tired then do it at a different time. yes easier said then done i know...but say you approach him at night and this is what he says then next time get him in the morning...dh and i do great during naptime in the middle of the day though we have both sleep sexed (seriously we ask each other in the morning if we had sex or was it a dream lol)

could you 'jump' him lol start off in the morning getting him interested...a longer kiss goodbye before work...sexy text messages, or emails. when he gets home do extra special things or wear his fav outfit his fav scent totally naked lol anything...

what i'm saying is (from someone who has not only been there but is there) you have to push it. work on it more than him...make him open up. if all else fails see if he can change meds...if its this bad the dr will change it until yall find the right combo...

i wish you luck and i hope some of this helps...

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