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Finding Middle Ground

Posted by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 4:23 AM
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My husband is 13 yrs older than I am, while he was in his 40's it was never an issue.  Now, he is in his 50's and wow, things have changed.  I have so many things I want to do that he cannot do or has no desire to do because of age and his health issues.  It depresses me knowing I am in my prime years (almost 40) and giving up those dreams of things I want to do.  I don't want to "run around with a group of people doing those things (his ex wife used to be a real wild one).  Sky diving, parasalaing, horse back riding, ya know my bucket list... Our kids range from 25 to 6.  The older ones have moved on to college or on their own or have their own family at 38 I was a grandma.  At home is our 13 yr old and 5 yr old.  He can't keep up with their activities, he tries, but age is now a factor.  I love him dearly and always have, but things are changing.  It seems like I am living my life through my kids.  I want to find middle ground, but it just seems impossible.  Thank you so very much for reading this.

butterfly

by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 4:23 AM
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geminitwiins
by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 9:03 AM
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 I totally understand. SO is 50 (51 in Sept) and I just turned 39. I was a Mema at 36, lol. In our house I find I miss doing things at night. We are in bed by 8:30pm most nights. Last weekend we went to the fair (and I know it was because my 18 yr old son is here living with us) and it felt so good to not get home till 10:00pm. Funny but sad. I agree with you though, I love him and I don't want another, but there are things I want to do and I would really like to not do it alone.

So happy to see I'm not the only one with this problem..♥

OhGloria
by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 9:13 AM

 Aalthough I'm the older one in our relationship, we both allow ourselves time to go out separately with our own group of friends.  Most of his friends are from 21 - 26 and mine are 35 - 45 so it does give us some balance.  Maybe you could try that? 

justahousewife
by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 10:57 AM

LOL You make it sound like 50's is old. SO is in his 50's and keeps up with the rest of us. I have a 4yo and 10yo, I have a barnyard full of animals, he has a commercial fishing boat. We hike, camp, hunt, fish all the time. I'm only in my 30's but some days I feel older than he does. His family says in the last almost 2yrs we've been together he's gotten 20yrs younger. He's even more in shape than his 20-something son who was in the army about 5yrs ago. 

Age is just a number. Get active, get passionate and have lots of sex. LOL 

Now when I first met my 50-something man he acted more like what you describe your SO to be, old. But not anymore. 

justahousewife
by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 11:40 AM


Quoting geminitwiins:

 I totally understand. SO is 50 (51 in Sept) and I just turned 39. I was a Mema at 36, lol. In our house I find I miss doing things at night. We are in bed by 8:30pm most nights. Last weekend we went to the fair (and I know it was because my 18 yr old son is here living with us) and it felt so good to not get home till 10:00pm. Funny but sad. I agree with you though, I love him and I don't want another, but there are things I want to do and I would really like to not do it alone.

So happy to see I'm not the only one with this problem..♥

LOL You mean it's not right to go to bed by 8:30? Damn, I'm old. I'm in my 30's and the majority of the year I'm so happy to be in bed before 9pm. But then I start my day at 5-something. With SO on graveyard I will probably stay up till 10 or maybe 11 (mostly because I hate sleeping alone so I busy myself till I'm dead on my feet) and get up at 6-something.

SO could easily stay up till 11 every night and still get up at 5. I wish I only needed 6hrs of sleep to be awake the next day. 

ZmomBare
by New Member on Jun. 20, 2012 at 2:03 PM

He has lots of health issues arising that prevent a lot of activity.  Actually if he would just get up and be active most of them would go away.  UGH

My counselor suggested this week in our session he comes in and we bring it up in a guided conversation so he does not feel picked on.

The biggie is how his ex wife treated him by running around with her friends and he was Mr. Mom.

I do enjoy our time together, just depressed to give up my bucket list.


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