Still adjusting to being a childless stepmom - It's not easy. Who has advice?
I've been a stepmom for seven months....and 2 weeks....and 3 days. I'm joking on the exact days, but sometimes being a stepmom is so difficult that I feel like I could know exactly how many days it's been. Perhaps it's completely selfish, but I have a hard time not taking things personal when it comes to matters with my husband and his daughter, my stepdaughter. I never thought I would be sharing my newlywed husband with a child that was born years ago, and is not my biological child. She is a wonderful little girl and our relationship is actually quite good. But I have never been a mother before and when she is at our home, I don't get as much couple time and don't get as much me time, and this is difficult to adjust to.
These are the times when I feel the most misunderstood: When I am more strict than my husband. Since I am the "outsider" looking in, I can see things that are not good behavior that my husband doesn't see at all. I've made a few changes in our home, which my husband has actually thanked me for, so that's encouraging, but I am still praying for patience for the coming days and years...
I also feel guilty and misunderstood when I am looking forward to her absense. I feel terrible about this - tons of guilt and shame. My stepdaughter deserves to be here every day, but yet I am looking forward to the lower stress level days, which are when she is not here.
I am really looking forward to having my own children, so that I can understand this feeling of unconditional love that a parent has for a child. I feel like I'm supposed to understand this already, but I just don't.
The book "The Smart Stepfamily" has been a wonderful help, as well as the Bible. My husband is very supportive too and is a good listening ear, but I still feel like there's so much he doesn't understand, nor can I expect him to, since he's never been a stepparent.
Anyway, I'm just looking for others to connect with because I am so overwhelmed by all my feelings as as a stepmom.