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Introduction and new baby!

Posted by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:23 AM
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Hi everyone! I'm new to this stepmom group. I've read lots of books on stepparenting - the smart stepmom, the smart stepfamily, blending by the book (bible)...but have some questions that don't seem to be answered. Quick summary - I'm 28 and married to have been married to my wonderful husband for 1 year and we are expecting a baby in August. I am full time step mom to his two twin sons and adopted 10 year old daughter. His ex is in the army and just got married.

My question is - when the baby is old enough, how do you introduce them to the ex's family? What do they call the ex and her family? The relationship with the ex isn't so great, and I don't necessarily want my child calling her parents papa and and hearing my stepkids call her mommy and the new baby saying it too. I didn't think about how confusing this might be for a baby to come into a home that has step-siblings with two mom's and different family. Any thoughts?

by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:23 AM
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chatter83
by New Member on Jul. 10, 2011 at 5:25 PM

First of all congrats on the up coming baby!  Second of all, don't take this the wrong way, because I had it said to me recently, and it helps: stop stressing about something so far in the future!  You sound like a very smart mom, who has and will continue to try to do the absolute best for all the kids!  So, stand on this fact and never let it go, because there may be more rough waters ahead.  As far as your question is concerned, do you see the ex's family a lot?  I mean you personally spending time with them?  My SS goes out to dinner with his BMs parents every week, but we don't go with them.  Yes they come to the house to pick him up, so we all see them.  My kids know them as their brothers grandparents.  We have always been specific with all of them about the adults roles.  I am a full time SM too, my SS only sees his mom for 8 weeks in the summer bc she lives overseas.  However, my kids all know that he has a mom and other grandparents that they do not share, none of them is confused and none of them has hard feelings about it. 

My advice to you is to take a deep breath and recognize yourself as what you are...A good mom and a good step mom!!

kristielw
by Member on Jul. 11, 2011 at 8:51 AM

wow, chatter83 -  thank you so much for your words. That is just what I needed to hear! Yes, I keep telling myself to stop worrying about what may come down the road. We will be very specific with our son to explain to him that his brothers and sisters have a different mom, stepdad, and grandparents and we will teach him to respect them by calling them mr and mrs with last name. I worry about his curiosity to meet them, talk to them, etc...We have the same schedule it seems you do! Kids spend some weekends with their BM every year but are supposed to be with her during the summers. We NEVER do anything together - its just some phone calls in the morning that happen between the kids and then the drop offs and pick ups. I just think our son will be curious to go with them to see what they do, or if one of his brothers while on the phone with their BM says "wanna talk to my baby brother?" We will just have to discuss those things now with the kids so they know what is proper and isn't!

I guess as long as you teach your child all of the adult roles as they grow, there will be no confusing and for me to just remember that I need to take things as they come and not plan ahead for what may not happen.

Thanks again!

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