How to maintain marriage (long)

[momma1013]

I dOnt have much time for my back story b/c I am on my phone. SD moved in with us this past June. DH never backs me up when it comes to her. He says he will but rarely follows through. SD has been with her BM for Thanksgiving. I told DH to make sure she started laundry (I was out w/ my parents and DD-they live 12 hours away and this is their last night here). I asked b/c everytime she comes from BM's house, we have insect problems (fleas/roaches) and I don't want her to bring anything in. We were not going to tell her that is why, just that she needs to get laundry done so it doesn't pile up.DH did not follow through at all.

I am so frustrated b/c I feel like it will always be him and her against me. He is a good partner when it comes to our child. So, is this it? I just have to persevere 5 more years until she turns 18 and graduates? I am so depressed about it. Also, I am 28 wks pregnant, so it's just been hard. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[JustMe1183]

Good Morning Momma1013,

I'm sorry to hear about the struggles you are facing right now :-(. Have you clearly communicated what you need from him? Our need are obvious to us. I was having struggles with my own stepchildren and I was kind of just expecting DH to know that I needed more from him.

My husband used to on the weekends and that's when the children come over. I was home alone with them from Friday evening after work until Sunday evening. After working all week, it was often exhausting to be the only one parenting on the weekend.

I prayed about how to approach the issue (because it is a delicate one) and finally sat down and opened up, telling him how much I needed him around on the weekends to help with the children and what I needed from him in other areas. He was understanding and did step up to the plate, and continues to do so, praise the Lord!

Now, if you've already communicated that you need him to back you up at all times with SD and continues not to do it, perhaps a third-party (counselor, pastor) could help the two of you get to the root of the problem.

I hope this helps in some way.

 

[TaJaJaMomma]

I have some of the same issues...SD is very irresponsible and DH is not backing me up. I have to stay in prayer. It is tough. SD is a teenager and a daddy's girl (I am too).... So I understand. I work for the same company as her BM and her BM has contacted me at work in the past so our situation can be increasingly difficult. I pray against resentment but that is a very common feeling during the week when she is here. I find myself waiting and longing for the weekend. There are many struggles but with God I know all things are possible. Praying for you and your family.

[sherpuck]

I think that you have to be completely honest and open with your DH.  I think sometimes they  think they know how we feel, but in reality they don't or they only see the surface stuff..Sitting down and having a open conversation about how this is all making you feel, and that is putting a strain on you and it is in turn affecting how you can be as a wife/mom/stepmom...and that you don't feeling this way, but this is what it has turned into...and you are sure he doesn't mean to be doing this, but this is how you see and feels things.

I would even sit down with your SD and tell her how much you love her (this can be hard at times)..and that you want the best for the whole family, but you do need her help (maybe some positive reinforcement i.e pull out some good qualities she might have ( this could be hard to, hang in there)..but to be the best mom you can be you need the help of everyone..

I hope this makes sense...I do have the support of my husband and he does back me up....but there is so much more that goes on between us SM and SK...we are going to be gettting joint custody here ina couple of weeks and it scares me to death..I have a 11 and 8 yr SK...I hate that I resent this coming up...I just continue to pray and ask God to bring me through all this.

Praying for you and your family.

sherry