Wondering if it's too late for my husband and I to have kids of our own. He's 50 and I'm 40. He was married before and has two daughters (18 & 21-18 yr old lives w/us & is in college, not working, not driving). I have no children of my own and married late (37). We are both employed full time. He had a vasectomy years before we met. He expressed in premarital counseling w/our pastor that if he ever felt God leading him to have a child with me, then he would be open to it. He has had financial struggles and we are both in a lot of debt. He has been through the mill raising his two daughters (even though his ex had them a lot of the time, their needs were often not met by her). He had such a bad first marriage and having so much responsibility as a single dad has worn him out. I know he doesn't want to have children again. I struggle with letting it go. I have given it to the Lord (several times). But it is still difficult to accept that I won't be able to have children of my own, just because my husband has already raised two kids and doesn't want to deal with it again. Even though I married late in life, I have always felt that if I were to get pregnant, it would be a blessing and I would change my life accordingly (with regard to my career). Ugh! At this point, it would have to be Divine intervention! (it's nice to vent)
I can imagine your emotions! DH had 3 kids when we married and I often wondered if he really wanted to have more kids with me.
I hope that you and your dh can work it out. My dh is 52 and we are ttc our 3rd child together. It is not perfect, but we are trying to trust the Lord that if He wants us to have more children, He will give them to us. Keep praying for unity for you and your husband. Be honest with him, but talk to the Lord first so that He can temper your words and prepare your husband's heart.
My heart goes out to you!! I can feel your longing and the unloved feeling that you express in the lack of a baby in your life and a lack of understanding from your husband. My guess is that makes you feel unloved by him. I want to encourage you... I am sure your husband loves you very much. You said that you have given this all to God.. leave it with him... Our Lord created the world. He placed a baby in Saras womb when she was well past her baby-having-years (;} ) If it is his will, he will change your husbands heart or cause a miracle to take place between you. Sometimes, God has things take place in his own timing and sometimes he allows us to go through things to better us for his kingdom. Again, my heart hurts for you. I care. Praying for you !
MomHas17 (you really have 17 kids??)
Wow...thank you so much for praying for me! That is awesome! I sincerely appreciate your words of comfort and encouragement. I have no doubt that my husband loves me; starting a family all over again for him is just very daunting. I get that. I waited so long to marry. I dated a lot and my life became so full and rich when I became an aunt to my sisters' kids. I really felt content. I didn't want to marry someone until I was absolutely sure it was God's will for me. It's just that lately I've been realizing how much I'm missing out on being a mom myself. I'm just a late bloomer I guess. It's sometimes hard being the stepmom and not having the same authority or voice in the child's life (although she's 18 now). My husband says I have a voice...but it's not the same. I think too much on what may never be and I should probably quit that because it's not getting me anywhere :/
I so appreciate your heart. Your feelings are real and yes, us ladies can find a rut in discontentment. " Godliness with contentment is great gain. " That is what Paul said. You probably won't see the fruit of the voice you breath into your daughters life until years to come. It is a very quiet whisper when we are step parents. I read that we can not blend families in a blender, But we must put these kids into a crockpot and slow cook our relatioships...I really like that ... I am a new step mom to 5 , ages 17-5. PLUS, I have 12 birth children of my own, seven which are still at home. I am an experienced mother and find step parenting a whole new realm. Trust me, it is not going to bear fruits today , it will be in the years to come that these kids look back and realize it was me who was the consistant constant in their lives. I am willing to wait on that and just love them as Christ loves. I sense you are doing that with your step daughter. Just want to encourage you to think great things of your efforts and allow God to use you in his way and in his time. Hugs,
Momhas17
11boys&6girls
I read your reply on Monday at work and cried. I had to wait a few days to respond...I can't sit and cry a work, you know? My 18 yr old SD and I get along really well, although it has taken a lot of hard work on my part to get to this point. I have been fortunate though; she's a good kid...young lady. The challenges we have had had to do with personalities clashing, vying for our place in the home and such. Now my husband and I are teaching her to drive and she prefers me over him! lol. She often reminds me how much better she is without her mom even though it hurts...she knows her mother is not a good person. And she occasionally says "well you are more of a mom to me than my own mother". So I do see some fruits already...thank God. I get discouraged with her at times...watching some of the choices she makes, but I know it could be worse and I have to remind myself she was not raised the same as me. She's still a good kid and doing well in college. She's a new Christian (having accepted Christ at camp last summer, so I know I have to be patient...but it gets hard sometimes. I sooo appreciate your words of encouragement. Helps to know other people in similar situations. I never had anyone to reach out to when I first got married, with two teenage girls living with me! lol
Meet Kelseyciarah
This Virginia mom never wanted to get married or have kids - but now she's a happy a SAHM of two little ones!
Wondering about ss bm
- Fweetiekat
on Jan. 9, 2012 at 3:12 PM