Hello! I just joined this site today... I am glad to find a group of Christian Stepmoms that I can relate to. Here is a little about me. I have been married to DH for almost a year and half. I have two stepsons, 9 and 11. This is my first marriage, and I have never had any children of my own. We have 50/50 custody, so the boys are with us Friday through Thursday every other week.
I have been through a lot of emotions, trying to just get my footing as being the second wife and stepmom, dealing with BM and in-laws and being so far away from my own family. It's been a wild ride! But God has been faithful and he has really helped me. I feel like I have grown a lot in the past year and half. But sometimes I still struggle.
For awhile now, I've been thinking about what it would be like to have my own baby... DH and I have talked about it, but the timing just isn't right. We are thinking about waiting for about two to five years. This breaks my heart because I want a baby so much. But at the same time, I feel like this may be the best decision for us and for our furture child.
One of the reasons, is because first of all, we currently live in a tiny house that DH and BM lived in together while they were married. It has a large mortgage and we can't move until it is paid off. We are estimating about two years left on that if we really work hard to pay it off. Secondly, I want to be able to stay home with my baby. In order for us to pay off the house, I have to work. These are pretty good reasons, I think.
But the last reason may sound a little selfish... Maybe some of you Christian ladies can give me some perspective. I long to have a family with my husband. A family that is mine and his and is not interrupted with the drama of his ex. In a way, I think that if we wait until the ssons are older, then they will be more able to take care of themselves, and I can give more of myself to my own child. Also, the longer we wait, the sooner the child support will end, and BM will no longer be continually in our lives.
I don't know if any of this makes sense... or if I am being reasonable or not. I know that DH will always loves his boys and they will always be a part of our family. I love them too and I want them to be involved with their half-sibling one day. I just want my own family to be complete and I want my child exposed to the drama that BM puts in our lives as little as possible.
It's so hard to wait... I am getting older, and I have read that after the age of 30 fertility goes down in women. I feel like crying just thinking about it... I feel like all control has been taken out of my hands, except for the fact that I can control when I have a baby. I feel like waiting to have a child is protecting him/her. But then there is the risk that I may not be able to conceive at all... I know I have to leave it in God's hands.