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To marry or not?

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I was drawn to this forum with hope that I might glean wisdom from others who have been or who are going through a similar situation.  I am engaged to a wonderful, Godly man and have been for a while now. To make a long story short, he has a young, teen-aged daughter with whom I have not been able to establish any kind of relationship, as well as an ex-wife, who is exceedingly unstable (threatening, abusive, hostile, unpredictable).  I had hoped in time, things would improve, but they only seem to be getting more complicated.  We set a wedding date long ago, and as the date approaches, instead of excitement, I feel apprehension and unease.  It feels to me as though marriage, because of all the baggage involved, could potentially bring more pain, resentment, and conflict, than joy.  I don't want that for anyone involved.  He and I both came from extremely painful, abusive and adulterous first marriages, on the part of our former spouses.  The end of those unions about did each of us in, respectively.  The last thing I want to do is bring one moment of pain or stress to his life or that of his children, nor me or mine.  I realize conflict is inevitable, but what I fear is resentment building because of the stress involved for each of us regarding issues with his ex-wife and my inability to connect with his daughter.

We are in premarital counseling with our minister, and so far, it has brought me no real peace.  He seems so sure and determined, but with time, I become more and more conflicted.  I know that just because you love someone deeply, it does not necessarily mean that you should marry.  However, since the beginning of our relationship, God has clearly answered prayers in leading us further down this road together.  Even now, in spite of the dread and fear within me, I feel His leading to not "give up".  Is that just what I want to hear because of the dream I have of finally fulfilling this call I have had in my heart to serve Christ as this man's wife?  I have never known a love like this in my life.  This man has been more of a "husband" to me, in so many ways, than I ever once experienced in all the many years of my former "marriage".

Well, perhaps this post will speak to someone out there who might have something to offer in the way of advice or discussion.  If not, thanks for reading anyway.  God bless.

by on Jul. 23, 2012 at 8:39 PM
Replies (11-11):
whatIknownow
by Member on Sep. 26, 2012 at 7:43 AM

Can you tell us more about the daughter? how much time does she spend with Dad? who has custody? what is her relationship with her father like? 

Do you like her in general? Is she well-mannered, well-adjusted, etc? Is her father involved in her school, social life (does  he know the names of her friends), sports activities, etc?

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