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Hello :) New Here- This is our story.

Posted by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:22 AM
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Howdy :)

My name is Sarah and I'm 27 years old. This past June my DH and I were married in a very private, intimate ceremony (literally just the two of us and the most wonderful JP), that same day I was blessed to have my 5 year old stepdaughter joined in that journey. I am lucky to have a wonderful relationship with my SD. Sadly I can't say the same when dealing with BM. For the first 2 years I wanted so badly for things to just be civil, but sadly I've had to distance myself from her in any way of communication because of threats and actions on her part.

When I first came into this relationship, I knew there would be struggles and I knew at times it would be hard, but I put my faith in both God and my DH that we would conquer anything that came our way. I will say that the first two years were the typical jealousy and drama things, nothing overly major until BM got pregnant again and slowly started to almost "forget" she had a wonderful daughter to care for. The climax of the issues though happened a few weeks before our wedding day. I was at home cleaning and my DH called me in a panic saying that I needed to drive to location and pick him up (DH works in the oilfield and is always in the middle of nowhere). I picked him up and we raced the 2 hours to SD while he explained to me that BMs then bf had sent him a text saying we needed to come get SD because BM had threatened to take pills. DH went and talked to BM and was shocked at what he found. He removed SD from her home and shortly after that we consulted with our lawyer our best plan of action. It was a couple weeks later that DH went to talk to BM again and confirmed his suspicions that she was using. She begged him not to, that she would change etc. He gave her 6 months to get her stuff in order then they could start to talk about SD going back after she could show us a year or so of a steady job, being clean etc. BUT SD would NOT be in her care until then.

Sadly, she didn't follow through and when that 6 months expired we went to the lawyer and primary custody was officially removed from her. She still has visitation, however there are no set days, weekends or holidays.. It's all at our discretion. She moved back home, then came back about 6 weeks later for her on/off bf and ended up getting pregnant with baby #3 and before christmas she moved back home. Since there was no set holidays and DH is constantly trying to allow for BM to have a relationship with SD he gave her Christmas day, but since she had decided to move back home with her parents DH gave her the 22nd-29th so that she could visit with her grandparents and BM (all under the GP's roof) and we would do our Christmas on the 30th. The day before SD was due to come home BM asked DH if she could have an extra week... that she wouldn't see her much now etc. DH gave her an extra week and I felt like our family was playing second fiddle to her life... again. It caused a huge blowout between DH and I... I truly believe in part because as a SM it's easier for me to see from the outside of the situation and see just how much manipulation is going on.  The other part of me was very hurt because I felt like BM didn't care about SD and DH having the opportunity to expand on their relationship, because to her it didn't matter, she had already had her Christmas... BUT SD is back home now and here we are.

I find myself lately having less and less sympathy for BM, as every action and reason for her being in her situation is her very own doing. That makes me feel like a bad person and at the same time I'm struggling with boundaries and not letting her actions affect me and my marriage to my wonderful DH.

Phew... if you're still reading this thanks for taking the time. :) I look forward to meeting you all :)

I hope y'all have a blessed day :)

by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:22 AM
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Replies (1-2):
djscinnabun
by Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 3:33 PM

Welcome Sarah! And thank you for sharing your story :) I'm Katie, also 27, mother to a five year old daughter, pregnant and due in August, and stepmother to two stepsons ages five and nearly three. The boys (and our family as a result) are victims of manipulation and attempted alienation at the hands of their mother, sadly, though we hope in time all of our lives will gather the peace and quiet of stability. We expect to be back in court shortly in hopes of gaining due equal placement, since MI law has changed in defense of parents discriminated against by the court when one presents claims of abuse, now requiring proof of her allegations to substantiate claims so as to try to reduce a manipulative parent's ability to play the system. Hopefully we can provide enough evidence to prove her crying wolf regarding him abusing our children (which even the state investigated and ruled unfounded repeatedly) to discredit any doubt as to why equal placement shouldn't be established. Anyway, I look forward to getting to know you! God bless!

sonshining
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 6:56 PM

Welcome to the group. You sure have your hands full. Go to God to guide your steps. And there's nothing wrong with being firm, standing your ground when it comes to your husband and your marriage. Of course you want what's best for the child, but NOT at the risk of your marriage or your mental health! God Bless, Monica

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