Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Getting Married in 3 Months - Worried

Posted by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 3:55 PM
  • 9 Replies
  • 408 Total Views

OK ladies – I am getting married in 3 months to a faithful, sweet, supportive man. We have been dating for about 2 years. He brings two sweet kids to the table – 5 and 3. They will not be living with us and will be with their mother (remarried) most of the times (we live out of her state). So the arrangement works (effective next year) every other Christmas and 2 weeks in the summer.

From a Christian perspective I have struggled with the decision of marrying a divorced man. My family is not really ecstatic about our marriage (which is hurting me) because this obviously is my first marriage and something that I want to be truly special. This man has become my best friend. He loves me and really tries to make me happy at every cost. He has said over and over again that he wants to start a family with me (and that it's a blessing he gets a second chance); but, now with time crashing in, I am getting nervous about the vows. Is this normal?

I am 29 and know what a commitment this is to make. No one wishes for a divorce, and I definitely don’t want that to be my fate. However, I fear the worst. I have thought about calling it off – but, I know this man loves me with all my heart, and of course I love him too. The thought of issues down the road are really weighing in on me… as we get closer to our wedding date. Any bit of advice here for me?

by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 3:55 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-9):
LiveInTheNow
by Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 6:41 AM
1 mom liked this

No one ever expects to marry someone who has been divorced. I was also with DH for 2 years before we got married. We are now happily 2 years married. I can tell you it is never going to be easy, especially with them around less often, but if you love him and he loves you I dont see what the problem is. I definitely dont like the sound of you so easily wanting to call it off, but this could just be a bad case of cold feet. Weigh your choices of being with him or without him. Do your pros outweigh your cons because they should if you're going to pursue this and please dont go into this with the outlook of possible divorce. Otherwise, you are tearing down what hasnt been built. I know it doesnt seem like much help coming from me, but being with DH was the best choice I ever made. When I decided I wanted to be with him ( long before we were married ) i had to quit my current job and move in with him. I was unemployed for over a month. But when we made our decision we both knew what we wanted....to be with each other. The best advice I can give is to be good to his kids, be good to him, and pray often. Best of luck to you!

whatIknownow
by on Aug. 14, 2014 at 8:41 AM

It's not clear to me what you are afraid of. Are you afraid that because he divorced his first wife, that he might divorce you too? Is that what you mean by "I definitely don't want that to be my fate?"

Psalm51.10
by New Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 2:23 PM

My family is causing some issues - making me feel embarassed about my marraige. To the point of saying, that I am breaking everyone's hearts. It weighs on me.

Zamaria
by Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 5:25 PM
I'm wondering why your family is against it specifically. Just because he has been married previously, or are there other issues, maybe issues with the first marriage? I don't want to be a downer here, but I have to be honest, if your family is against it you should give their concerns some consideration. I know from experience. Unless they are just not people whose opinions and views you normally respect, listen to them and consider what they're saying. Some families can be in general overbearing or typically have very poor judgment. If that's the case with your family you should ignore them and make the best choice you can on your own. But usually they have your best interest at heart and often they can see things that we can't see clearly since they are somewhat removed from the situation.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
whatIknownow
by on Aug. 14, 2014 at 6:19 PM

I don't understand their objection.

Was he fully divorced when you met him?

Quoting Psalm51.10:

My family is causing some issues - making me feel embarassed about my marraige. To the point of saying, that I am breaking everyone's hearts. It weighs on me.


Psalm51.10
by New Member on Aug. 15, 2014 at 3:22 PM

My mom has caused all my boyfriends to leave. Specifically, this time she is upset he has children and pays child support. And, tells me she is "looking out for my best interest."

sonshining
by on Aug. 21, 2014 at 6:31 PM

Ok, don't listen to your Mom. Listen to your heart, listen to what God has to say to you. Read the word. Close your head and heart to all negativity. From what you posted, I don't see any red flags. No man is perfect, all come with something, some issue, some flaw. What is his biggest? That he's divorced? Has kids? Pays child support? Can you deal with these? Cold feet are understandable. But don't let your Mom say she is looking out for your best interest, I don't see that.

Honeymooner
by New Member on Sep. 18, 2014 at 12:30 PM

I recommend you get the books Dating and the Single Parent and Smart Step Mom and devour them quickly. Even though you are about to get married, the Dating book has a lot of thoughts about whether or not you are ready to marry, prepared, if this is the right person, etc.  The Smart Step Mom is a harsh dose of reality about what it's like to be a step mom.  I've only been married a year, and I can tell you that your situation of having them just occasionally sounds heavenly. LOL!  :)  When you have them with you though, you really do need to be prepared.  Congrats on your marriage.  If your husband is serving the Lord and genuinely wants to live for Him, and you do too, that's a great start.    Also, have you done pre-marital counseling?  I highly recommend that.  Go somewhere where they will do Prepare-Enrich with you.  There is a survey that you take that will give you clear ideas on your differences and where confict will arise.  You might take it and feel great about your plans.  If not, I would not get married.  I know that's tough, but marriage is hard!  And when you start off with a ton of baggage AND exes and kids...boy, it makes it a lot harder.  It can be done with God's help. But, being prepared in every way is very wise.  I have seen others around me go into it less prepared than we were (we did counseling, Prepare/Enrich, Read all the Smart Step Family Books, and we continued in counseling), and I can testify that the preparation was so worth it.  I haven't been shocked by much.  This is long, and I'm a newbie here.  I should shut up. LOL!  Keep us posted on what you do and how it goes.  :)

LiveInTheNow
by Member on Sep. 20, 2014 at 7:18 AM
1 mom liked this

 I have The Smart Stepmom! I loved it. It definitely offers a different perspective on things and a lot of advice.

Quoting Honeymooner:

I recommend you get the books Dating and the Single Parent and Smart Step Mom and devour them quickly. Even though you are about to get married, the Dating book has a lot of thoughts about whether or not you are ready to marry, prepared, if this is the right person, etc.  The Smart Step Mom is a harsh dose of reality about what it's like to be a step mom.  I've only been married a year, and I can tell you that your situation of having them just occasionally sounds heavenly. LOL!  :)  When you have them with you though, you really do need to be prepared.  Congrats on your marriage.  If your husband is serving the Lord and genuinely wants to live for Him, and you do too, that's a great start.    Also, have you done pre-marital counseling?  I highly recommend that.  Go somewhere where they will do Prepare-Enrich with you.  There is a survey that you take that will give you clear ideas on your differences and where confict will arise.  You might take it and feel great about your plans.  If not, I would not get married.  I know that's tough, but marriage is hard!  And when you start off with a ton of baggage AND exes and kids...boy, it makes it a lot harder.  It can be done with God's help. But, being prepared in every way is very wise.  I have seen others around me go into it less prepared than we were (we did counseling, Prepare/Enrich, Read all the Smart Step Family Books, and we continued in counseling), and I can testify that the preparation was so worth it.  I haven't been shocked by much.  This is long, and I'm a newbie here.  I should shut up. LOL!  Keep us posted on what you do and how it goes.  :)

 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)