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how much do you do?!

Posted by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 3:33 PM
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how much do you do for your 99'er? my son would get nothing accomplished if i didnt hold his hand practically and guide him through every step. when he gets home from school and has a snack, i have to tell him 3 or 4 times that he needs to sit down, get out his assignment book, and start his homework. we have had the same routine for a couple years now! it's do your homework, mom checks it, then you can play. he still cant grasp this concept. and i need to check on him every couple mins to "urge him along" otherwise, he just sits there and picks his nose...literally...then i make sure that i have signed off on everything, and packed his back pack for the next day. well, yesterday i told him to put all his homework in his folder and put it in his bag...he didnt, so today he got reprimanded at school for forgetting assignments. i told him its his RESPONSIBILITY to make sure he is prepared for school, and he is not aloud to go out and play this afternoon as his consequence. it's the same shit at bedtime too, i have to say "ok, go take a shower now, and dont forget to use soap!", then ok time to go to bed, lights out! then he wants a snack, a drink, turns on the Wii....then in the morning i go through a tiring routine of getting him up, laying out clothes, reminding him to brush his teeth, take his vitamin, put on his socks and shoes....jeez...and my parents think i NEED to be doing all this! they act like i SHOULD be doing all this! pisses me off!

so, my question is this...how much is too much? at what age do our kids need to start becoming responsible for their own homework, chores, bedtime, and morning routines? i mean, i can help, but shouldn't they start being more self-sufficient in some areas?

tell me what you think and how you do it

Amberbig smile minimommy to 3 and one on the way!

by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 3:33 PM
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sweet.p82
by Member on Oct. 30, 2009 at 10:00 AM

My son is 10, and gets up with his Dad at 5:30 am, he is dressed when I get up. He packs his own bookbag, does all his homework with out prompting, and will sometimes pack his own lunch. He has even started picking up his room without me yelling, and can do his own laundry. He won't fold it, or put it away yet, but I can live with that. It's sometimes a struggle to get him to bed on the weekends, but usually does ok during the week.

He just started doing this not long ago, and will be 11 in April, so maybe he's just growing up. Hopefully yours will, too. I would stop doing some of it. Doing his homework and bringing it to school the next day is his responsibility. If you do everything for him he will never grow up and learn to stand on his own two feet. I don't know how old you are, but your parents need to let you decide how to raise your child, and you should not be doing eveything for him.

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HFBMOM
by on Oct. 30, 2009 at 12:01 PM

My 10 year old son usually does his homework on his own, but sometimes I will remind him to do it before his favorite tv show comes on, so he doesn't miss the show.  He always puts it on/near his backpack so he can put it in after his lunchbox the next day.  Sometimes he'll help making his lunch, but not usually.  I remind both my kids to brush hair and teeth before school each day.  My son hates showers and baths, so he never bathes without a reminder.  He puts away all his own laundry and helps with sorting and folding when I ask him to.  He also takes out the trash and generally helps around the house when asked.  We don't have set, specific chores, we take care of the house as needed.

With regard to homework, it sounds like you have a good routine.  You may need to cut out more distractions (no tv or radio on that he can hear) and even sit down with him and work on your own thing, keeping him company.  I will write out my shopping list, to do list, pay bills, or read if my kids need me to sit with them.  It's a good bonding time for us, they don't always need my help, but we do talk about what we're each doing.  It helps give my kids a sense of what goes on in running a house, when they see all that is on my lists, and it definitely helps me to know what they are learning in school.

Julie
Enhancing Lives and Helping Moms Work from Home
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amber0678
by Member on Oct. 30, 2009 at 2:16 PM


Quoting HFBMOM:

My 10 year old son usually does his homework on his own, but sometimes I will remind him to do it before his favorite tv show comes on, so he doesn't miss the show.  He always puts it on/near his backpack so he can put it in after his lunchbox the next day.  Sometimes he'll help making his lunch, but not usually.  I remind both my kids to brush hair and teeth before school each day.  My son hates showers and baths, so he never bathes without a reminder.  He puts away all his own laundry and helps with sorting and folding when I ask him to.  He also takes out the trash and generally helps around the house when asked.  We don't have set, specific chores, we take care of the house as needed.

With regard to homework, it sounds like you have a good routine.  You may need to cut out more distractions (no tv or radio on that he can hear) and even sit down with him and work on your ownthing, keeping him company.  I will write out my shopping list, to do list, pay bills, or read if my kids need me to sit with them.  It's a good bonding time for us, they don't always need my help, but we do talk about what we're each doing.  It helps give my kids a sense of what goes on in running a house, when they see all that is on my lists, and it definitely helps me to know what they are learning in school.

this is great advice, thanks!

Amberbig smile minimommy to 3 and one on the way!

amber0678
by Member on Oct. 30, 2009 at 2:21 PM

oh how i wish my son could be a little more like this! i am 31 yrs old. my parents tend to "butt in", i suppose, when it comes to nathan. when i had nathan i was a 21 yr old single mother, and we lived with my parents for the first 4 yrs of his life. so they feel as if they've helped raise him, which indeed they have. however, i am his mom and i do occasionally have to assert my position! although it is ahrd for me to call them out when i feel they are overstepping their boundaries as grandparents, and i often feel as though my authority as a parent has been undermined as a result....wow thats a whole other story, huh?!

Quoting sweet.p82:

My son is 10, and gets up with his Dad at 5:30 am, he is dressed when I get up. He packs his own bookbag, does all his homework with out prompting, and will sometimes pack his own lunch. He has even started picking up his room without me yelling, and can do his own laundry. He won't fold it, or put it away yet, but I can live with that. It's sometimes a struggle to get him to bed on the weekends, but usually does ok during the week.

He just started doing this not long ago, and will be 11 in April, so maybe he's just growing up. Hopefully yours will, too. I would stop doing some of it. Doing his homework and bringing it to school the next day is his responsibility. If you do everything for him he will never grow up and learn to stand on his own two feet. I don't know how old you are, but your parents need to let you decide how to raise your child, and you should not be doing eveything for him.


Amberbig smile minimommy to 3 and one on the way!

FamilynFriends
by New Member on Nov. 3, 2009 at 9:21 AM

My son is now sixteen (daughter is 10) but our situations were very similar.  I was even younger and a single mom living with my parents and son.  Once I moved out, married, had another child...I still found them "butting in".  They mean well, as you said they helped raise him.  BUT, it has to be addressed, you are the parent and your son is old enough to see he can get his way with the grandparents.  They really are undermining your ability to work through these things with your son.  Tell your parents first how much you appreciate every thing they have done for you but that you think you are ready to stand on your own two feet with your son.  Ask them if they would still be willing to offer advice IF you ASK for it.  They shouldn't feel put out by this and hopefully it will let them know although you do appreciate their advice sometimes you need to learn to be mom on your own.  this conversation with my parents actually solved a lot of these issues with my son.  This is not easy!   Honestly...my mom was still upset.  But she stayed out of things and soon my son realized he was not going to be "babied" because my parents thought he should be!

Good Luck!!!


http://www.WomensDreamTeam.com/mrossell


Moms Helping Moms Work From Home!

Cenedra64
by on Nov. 4, 2009 at 5:29 AM

My daughter is 10 but she's very independent on getting herself motivated and dressed in the mornings.   It's the little things sometimes she needs help with still.  She is starting to 'bud' and that scares her.  She refuses to wear a training bra. Even told me she'd cut it up LOL Thank goodness there's not much there right now.   She is amazingly smart and motivated but she'll revert back to babyish stuff.  I think it's a transition period for kids.

lesliesam
by Member on Nov. 12, 2009 at 12:40 PM

I started my kids off as soon as they could walk.teaching them responsibility. At first it was putting things away and helping me. They are 9 and 10 now and they do every thing for themselves. they even do laundry and cook dinner. My son is ADHD\ODD so he has a schedule to follow to help him stay focused. I never have to remind my daughter or get on to her over what is expected. Daily chores are a whole other issue. I have to fight with them to get those done.

All you need to do is check to see if he's dress appropriately and did use soap taking a bath. He is old enough to be responsible and do things on his own.  My kids school tells them they are old enough to do certain things without mommy's help and this is expected.

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