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I feel as if my school is trying to get me to pull my son out instead of kicking him out

Posted by on Apr. 23, 2012 at 5:50 PM
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I'm new to this website but have been reading posts for a couple days now, and see some parents in similar situations.

I am currently a teacher of grades 3-6 Language Arts and Social Studies at a VERY small, non-public, religious school.  As a teacher, my son gets to attend at a discount, which is helpful.  Last year he was in the preschool program after having half a year of preschool in a full day daycare at which I was also employed.  At the beginning of this year, he was 4 yrs and 8 mths, which as a non-public school is past the minimum of 4 y and 7 m to start Kindergarten.  For the first 2 months of this school year, I was told that his behavior was a problem.  He started with one teacher that he had had in preschool, then they changed it to two teachers (including the one he started with), then they moved the first one back to preschool and kept only the second one.  This was enough of a challenge, but then I was told that, although he was academically at the top of the class in kindergarten, his social behavior was not ready, and he was moved back to preschool because he was not 5 yet.

My son turned 5 in December, and since he's been in preschool again (now we have been learning the pre-k material for 2 and a half years), he has been declining in behaviors.  I have received complaints almost every day, and because I am just down the hall, frequently get pulled out of class by both teachers and principal to deal with it.  My husband and I formally requested all written reports on him, as he has been asked to leave school twice this year, and has already had at least 1 in school suspension that I am aware of.  And he's only 5! 

I was told that when the class was observed in the fall, there were no written reports on his behavior, although I was verbally told just last week what they supposedly said about him specifically.  I have ONLY received the report from today, written by the principal, which mentions previous behaviors.  I have seen nothing written about the days he was suspended. 

Last week when talking to the principal, who is also my direct boss, she made it clear that she cannot/will not determine if he should leave or not, but then also made comments about children like him who need a special school to deal with these behaviors. 

I should also mention that I just had him tested for adhd, and the dr. said it's purely behavioral.  We have set up a first counseling session to inquire about it, but that is not for almost another month.

 

I'm sorry to vent so much...but what do I do?  This is not just my son's school, it is also my job, which contributes about 1/3 to our income.  I love my students, I enjoy the other staff for the most part, and I like my son gettign the religious environment...but is it better for him to TRY to end out the year another 1.5 months, or jsut end it now?  Either way, I am HEAVILY leaning toward probably cyber schooling in the fall because then I can combine religious homeschooling with a good, free, online curriculum.

 

Any advice?  (Sorry for venting )

by on Apr. 23, 2012 at 5:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Laurin283
by Welcome Squad on Apr. 23, 2012 at 5:54 PM

SOrry, I forgot to mention that at the same time my son got moved back to prek, so did 2 other children who were in a similar situation.  His behaviors include spitting, jumping off of furniture, hitting and kicking (he is in tae kwon do, and while it doesn't cause these behaviors, it makes him stronger, which makes him more of a danger), not listening to teacher/principal, inappropriate language (including penis...which, I'm sorry, is WHAT IT'S CALLED!), running out of the classroom and around the hallways, etc.

 

Today there were 8 children to the 1 teacher, and she lost control to my son and 2 others who destroyed the centers area.

blue52
by Welcome Squad on Apr. 23, 2012 at 5:56 PM
Hugs. The school obviously is going about it all wrong.

I would want to know specifics of what problems he causes in class...but also what is their policy on consequences?
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blue52
by Welcome Squad on Apr. 23, 2012 at 6:02 PM
im guessing that this school being "religious" they have a different outlook and want perfect students. That is not reality. Also, its almost as if they are discriminating against the students who have a disability, adhd, etc.....

I would be highly upset at the way they are (not) handling the situation.
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blue52
by Welcome Squad on Apr. 23, 2012 at 6:08 PM
Sorry for mulltiple postz as im reading yours again. I would not pull him out. I would continue until the end of the semester. IF this principal wants to do something have her put it in writing what problems he is having in the classroom. I would want all reports in writing...

I wonder is this a private school and/or are they exempt from state laws on providing an education to ALL kids??

Do you feel as if they are "bullying" you????

How does your son behave at home???
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Laurin283
by Welcome Squad on Apr. 23, 2012 at 6:12 PM

I agree the school is going about it wrong.  I have made it clear to the teachers and principal that we are consistent with consequences at home and TKD, and both of those places is NOT where the issues are, but they are only at school.  I completely agree that what my son is doing is wrong, but I believe that a strong part of it is boredom.  Not an excuse, but a reality, even after I sent his k level workbooks and they don't use them.  I blame the principal more than the teachers, because she can't even tell me what she wants me to do as the parent.  I have tried EVERY suggestion given to me, from teachers and parents alike,  from changing his diet, to cutting back in TKD classes, to spanking or not spanking.  We have punished with loss of tv, rewards, or toys.  We have changed punishments to rewards for desired behaviors.  We have done timeouts.  I don't know what else to do, which is why we are seeking counseling for him.  But why has it taken all year, and he's getting worse but not better?

Laurin283
by Welcome Squad on Apr. 23, 2012 at 6:18 PM

It is a small, religious school where I pay tuition, (I think we are technically parochial, not private), but as long as I pay tuition my son in entitled to attend.  I feel exactly like I am being bullied, and made to feel like a failure as a mother, because each time I am told what the problems are, and I lay out what we are doing at home, and am getting no useful suggestions in return.  When I asked her what she wants me to do, to quit and pull him out or continue on and work with him over the summre even more, she told me "I can't make that decision for you."  And i told her that she's the one who is goign to have to, because I'm not just going to quit like that.

On a separate, but interesting note, I had a problem with bullying in one of my classes with her middle child, a daughter, and 2 other girls ganging up on a 4th girl...and all I got in response was defensive almost yelling about how the girl being bullied started it .. and this is after 2 other teachers, 2 students, and the girl's mom came to me ab out the issue!

LostTheSlipper
by Guidance on Apr. 23, 2012 at 6:23 PM


Quoting Laurin283:

SOrry, I forgot to mention that at the same time my son got moved back to prek, so did 2 other children who were in a similar situation.  His behaviors include spitting, jumping off of furniture, hitting and kicking (he is in tae kwon do, and while it doesn't cause these behaviors, it makes him stronger, which makes him more of a danger), not listening to teacher/principal, inappropriate language (including penis...which, I'm sorry, is WHAT IT'S CALLED!), running out of the classroom and around the hallways, etc.


Today there were 8 children to the 1 teacher, and she lost control to my son and 2 others who destroyed the centers area.

If he is using his tae kwon do in an agressive manner outside of his class you should tell his instructors at TKD. They won't tolerate that crap and should be aware they need to emphasize in class that that's NOT okay to do. If he can't learn to use control outside of the dojang, then maybe he needs to be pulled for awhile if a talking to and possible actions from his instructors doesn't work.

Also, if other kids are experiencing similar issues I'm somewhat curious about the teacher. What is going on the reason this is happening or the reason he and others think they can get away with this?

Laurin283
by Welcome Squad on Apr. 23, 2012 at 6:34 PM

His instructors are aware, and we are working on it from the angle.  I've found that since we had to cut back on classes anyway (due to husband's work schedule and only one car), he doesn't do as well as he was when he was going 3 times a week.  Even if he acts up at the dojang, he takes his punishment well (time out or pushups), and is FINE afterwards.

At home, these behaviors were almost nonexistant, but in the past couple weeks they have been increasing.  At school, he says he does it because he wants to go home, he hates school, etc.  We have tried explaining that this is not acceptable, and doing it is not how you get to go home...but then the school asks me to leave and take him home twice now, so isn't he getting what he wants through the wrong behaviors?

I just dealt with a fullon tantrum over something as silly as he wants an orange RIGHT NOW instead of waiting for his dinner.  And also doens't like the choices of sit and read downstairs or go play upstairs.  I have been told it's purely behavioral and he's seeking that control.  BUT why and how do we deal with it?  The sschool doesn't seem to be doing anything except making it worse.

wendythewriter
by Helping Hands on Apr. 23, 2012 at 7:08 PM
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Well, until I got to your last comment, that the behaviors are starting to appear at home, I thought it's not ADHD. My boys both have it, and the key to ADD/ADHD is that you see the symptoms both at home and at school, not just one or the other. Which would indicate the problem is with the school.

You're in a real tough spot here. The principal is your boss, so you're made to feel like you can't stick up for your son. She probably doesn't want to tell you to quit and pull him out because she's probably afraid if she does, you might have grounds for a lawsuit of some sort later.

Frankly, I'd go in and be blunt. My kid deserves the same treatment as any other student - if other students would have written reports, he should to. If he doesn't, then they are not doing their job and that is their problem to solve, not yours. I would tell them that until I get the same written proof of my son's behavior that any other parent would get, I will not be pulled from class again to deal with this. I'd also make it clear that you've done everything you can think of to resolve this, and they are not working with you.

Don't look at it as she's your boss anymore. In fact, I'd go so far as to tell her that if she wants to talk to you about your son, the boss/employee relationship needs to be set aside and she needs to discuss this with you with the principal/parent relationship - including scheduling an appointment and sending home written reports.

gratefulgal
by Welcome Squad on Apr. 24, 2012 at 3:30 PM
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Could it be that he is bored? I mean 2 and a half years of preschool is alot, and maybe if he was at home you could teach him to his level (you said he was doing very well academically). Once he was actually learning something, the behaivor problems might stop. PLUS, you being right there would limit his ability to cause trouble.

 

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