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Homeschooling an ADHD, ODD, and anxiety 9th grader

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Was wondering if there is anyone out there who is homeschooling a 9th grader with ADHD, ODD, and anxiety disorder/phobias? Today I was about to run away from home and if it wouldn't have been for my 2nd grader I might have. My 9th grader is so argumentative and knows everything better and it just goes on and on! We had lots of trouble in her school therefore to keep my sanity we took her out. She was not a bad girl in school, but just always showed up in class late, didn't bring her needed stuff, and started to be disrespectful to authorities. I got several calls a day and it was driving me insane, then she would call and tell me this and that, and it was like I was under her spell or something like that. She is smart but just pretends not to know when I know she knows. When she was in school and we paid lots of money for her books they looked like crap a few weeks later or she would lose them and we would have to buy again it went on and on. Now at least the books look good. She was in counseling for years and we finally took her out, it was a waste of time and mainly money. Nothing changed. She is a little better since out of school though, but not enough! If someone has a child like mine and has any ideas or has tried things that worked, please let me know. If you have never been around an ODD, ADHD, and bug phobia child I am not sure you would know or understand the frustrations that we are dealing with.  We have tried everything the docs suggested and other people suggested, but nothing works for her. She cannot be on meds, they made her crazy and very aggressive and we can't have that with our seven-years old here also. She is easy and does all her homeschooling work without problems. We praise our 14 years old when appropriate and we do all those things to make her feel good, but nothing works!

Thank you, Doris

by on Aug. 7, 2012 at 10:22 PM
Replies (11-14):
tuffymama
by Helping Hands on Dec. 9, 2012 at 3:33 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't know what to tell you that's going to fix it fast, but I can tell you my experience. I suffered for years with severe anxiety, suicidal thoughts, clinical depression, off and on agoraphobia, insomnia, difficulty in my relationships, and OCD. Only in the last few years have I figured out how to fix all this. It turns out I have a congenital adrenal disorder, hypothyroidism, a wheat allergy, and I had candidiasis and lifelong mineral deficiencies. I began by treating my anxiety with Neptune krill oil, an all organic, whole foods diet, and probiotics. Half my symptoms disappeared or decreased in a couple of weeks. I then found out I had candidiasis, which had caused much of my symptoms to begin with. I chose to treat it quickly, prompting a herxheimer reaction, which brought on the lowest of the lows I've ever felt in my life. Lesson learned! (Never try to treat candidiasis faster than advised!) Once I cleared that hurdle, I started on my thyroid, and discovered my adrenal disorder. I now treat that with pregnenolone and progesterone, and take natural desiccated thyroid four times daily. I still take krill oil for my anxiety (and like, every other thing under the sun), and I also eat grain free, on top of organic and whole foods.

I'm telling you all this so you can understand that treating your sweet child's issues is likely not merely a matter of your approach. If her mind is sick, her gut is sick, and that needs to be healed. If you think it is hell living with her and YOU want to run away, just think of the psychological torture she endures living in her own body. A sick gut can come from toxin exposure, vaccines, diet and allergy. It wreaks havoc on the brain, and causes physical and mental pain for untold numbers of people.

I know the stress of dealing with her is horrendous. While you get her hormonal levels checked and overhaul her diet, you may want to take some of the supplements you give her, after you clear it with a medical or holistic practitioner you trust. Ashwaghanda is a great herb for adrenal support, as is rhodiola. 500-1000 mg of magnesium citrate or magnesium glycinate go far in treating anxiety and depression. Krill oil, 1000 mg/day treats OCD, ADHD, asthma, inflammation, allergies and arthritis (and more). D3 from cholecalciferol is wonderful for depression and anxiety. Get her out in the sun for at least an hour every day, and give her the D3 as well. Vitamin C aids absorption of nearly everything you need, so give her 1000 mg or more a day, but build slowly so she doesn't suffer a detox reaction (acne!). Iron is a great supplement for a girl her age. Sundown Naturals makes one that is completely absorbable. Organic produce, clean meats, and no processed food will go far in healing her. Check out the GAPS diet and see if it looks like something that might help. Message me if you like. Hang in there and good luck!
Momof2IA
by Helping Hands on Dec. 11, 2012 at 10:40 PM

First let me say to take a breath.  I have been down this road you are on and I am still on it just a little further.  We went through so many of the same things.  We tried the medicine and it did make things so much worse and I understand the aggression.  The school could not help my ds and only made it worse.  We pulled my ds out in the second month of the 5th grade because it was really going downhill fast and everyone wanted me to add more meds.  I knew he was worse on them but they just wanted to add another diagnosis and another medicine.  I did start on a more natural path and I read so many books.  His symptoms didn't fit into any one thing so I looked for what he needed most first and we deschooled for a while and unschooled.  I knew I was not going to get anywhere without finding out how to help him relax and cooperate first.  I had to deprogram him from the meds, the school and the doctors.  It was a mothers intuition.  I did start with a chiropractor I found that had a lot of sensory experience and I learned all I could.  We had already adjusted his diet to eliminate all processed food, food dyes and high fructose corn syrup.  I then looked for what he was into and did as many subjects around that as I could.  We did so many audio books and netflix movies.  I also used a lot from the HIstory Channell and Discovery Channel.  We changed our schedule a lot until we found one that seemed to fit.  I then knew in my heart there was more with his diet so I found a nutritionist and bit the bullet to have some tests done and found out he had a yeast overgrowth and had several allergies.  The big ones were gluten, dairy, and yeast.  The gluten was many of the reason for the behaivors we were seeing.  HIs body cannot process it and it turns into an opiate in his brain.  So more adjustments and lots of cooking books from the library to try new things.  Once we got that under control we decided to hold him back a year because we didn't feel the stress to catch up on math especially was worth it.  It was easier in my book to hold back at the beginning of his high school career than to do it later.  I explained to him that if he got caught up he could graduate  early.  Then we had a talk about how since he was going into high school he was responsible for his work.  I posted on here a while back about how to help him and a mom responded and told me about giving a child a zero for the day if the work was not done.  I downloaded a grade book another mom had come up with and if my kids do not do their work because they refuse I give them a zero.  I give a little lead for him to get it together but then I show how that zero brings his grade down.  Come report card time if his grades are below what I have set he loses his play station til the next report card.  It has been a process over the past 5 years.  Don't let that discourage you.  The point is to take a step in the right direction.  I just think one baby step at a time.  We do go year round so we can take more breaks and that helps ds.  We do about 3 weeks on and 1 week off.  Summer is light with what they need to work on the most.  We still have bad days but I just take it a day at a time.  I hope this helps and don't ignore your mothers intuition.  You have it for a reason.

Cemommster
by Jenny on Dec. 12, 2012 at 6:57 PM


Quoting southernwldchld:

DS was diagnosed with ADHD/ODD/Bipolar/Anxiety/Depression. We wrapped it all up into Sensory Issues. If we don't do his daily therapy, I want to sell him to the circus. Hell I'll just give him to the circus really. Take him already. 

You have to be strict, you have to have house rules that are visibly posted and fully understood. Praise only when truly appropriate, but make sure your praise is directly related to what was done. No blanket statements. 

I appreciate that you remembered your book, we can finish our work faster this way. 

Thank you for responding respectfully, now I can do the same.

Try to get her into things that interest her. Volunteering with animals is a great mood lifter. My oldest volunteers once a week and it does wonders for her attitude. 

Involve her as much as possible in her own life. Have an open talk where she is allowed to express what she wants/needs and you are able to respond respectfully with what you can/will do for her.

We pulled ds off meds when they put him on depakote at 6. We used a hemp protein supplement that had lots of omega 3. We made smoothies with it, and also added a small drop of vitamin b12. It really helped with mood and attitudes. I keep the b12 in my purse and have been known to put a drop under the tongue of an anxious, hyper kid. 

Do not respond in kind. Nothing gets my teenager more annoyed and stops an argument faster than if I refuse to engage with her. I keep my voice and mood level and devoid of emotion until we've passed the whinefest.

Just some tricks that have worked with us, Good luck Mama!

volunteering with animals is a wonderful idea.  I am going to check in on that, my ds would love it.


 

sally310
by Welcome Squad on Dec. 18, 2012 at 9:09 PM

I deal with some similar issues.  I find that getting the work done early in the day frees up time for walks and outdoor time.  I really believe fresh air and exercise improve mood so much.  My kids then had time to do activities like karate and swimming in the evening.

Diet is also crucial, eliminate as much processed food as possible, whole grains, fruit, veggies and high quality supplements.

Great idea about volunteering.  There are so many opportunities and they give such a sense of purpose and teach responsibility.

Good luck!

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