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Has anyone homeschooled against the other parent's will?- UPDATE

Posted by on Jan. 12, 2013 at 10:32 AM
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UPDATE:

 IT must have been a miracle, I'm not kidding you at all.  Complete turn around/

DS's dad and I sat down yesterday and discussed the issues for almost 3 hours while ds played in the McDonalds play area.  He said that his concerns were that I was going to be too soft on ds and not make him learn, and that my work schedule would become a problem.  We were able to work it out and he is ON BOARD! Maybe not fully, but he says "We gotta do what we gotta do."   He even offered to handle the math part. surprised  I don't know what has happened here.....but it's definately better!   The sports thing still isn't resolved, however, and he did say that if ds wants to play sports that he will just have to not take him on those weekends, but he wasn't opposed to him playing anymore.





I am  a single parent, as you may have guessed from the title.  I've got a 5yo ds who is currently enrolled in a Montessori style charter school, and I was planning to homeschool after he went through a couple of years, but we have just been informed of a tuition raise, and homeschooling will have to start after this year.  His father does not agree.  He FIRMLY believes that the only and best place for any kid is public school so they can "be around real people, and learn how REAL people live."  Because obviously the people he is currently around are fictional...confused

His father is 100 miles away, does not support any of ds's interests in sports or music (he's still not speaking to me because yesterday I said ds wants to be in soccer and that he'll have to take him every other saturday) despite the fact that ds has even tried to tell him what he's interested in.  He seems to be stuck in the mindset that this is a control game.

Has anyone HSed without support, or with even opposition from another parent?  Want to share stories?  I am a member of the HSLDA and my state's home education association, and my job will not get in the way of schooling, since the hours range from 3:45pm to 9am.   I am currently taking college classes, but I've got a good sitter that supports homeschooling who will watch him during the day for me.

by on Jan. 12, 2013 at 10:32 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Bleacheddecay
by Leader on Jan. 12, 2013 at 2:08 PM
1 mom liked this

My husband was against it. It terrified him. I asked him if it would cause him to be hateful to me for a year while I tried to do what I felt was best for our kids or if he would divorce me over it. He said no. So we certain provisos we tried. Even though he continued to be terrified he quickly saw that we were all getting along better as a family and the kids were learning more.

No one in either family supported homeschooling.

I've never dealt with a divorced husband who is vengeful and angry about homeschooling. Happily my ex died before we started.

AutymsMommy
by Helping Hands on Jan. 12, 2013 at 5:19 PM

It's illegal here, even if you have sole custody. Here, you have to have a signature from both parents. Otherwise, it goes to court (and from what I've heard, the court usually sides with the "safe bet" - public school).

I've heard these rules are fairly common in many states. Check your laws.


I am a Home Schooling, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Stay at Home Mom. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities and nosy, involved parents. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it anywhere near my children. Now for the controversial stuff: we have traditional gender roles, we're Catholic, I'm Libertarian, he's Republican, we're both conservative, and we own guns (now there's no need to ask, lol).             Aimee














Ecoseem
by Welcome Squad on Jan. 12, 2013 at 6:01 PM

From what I can tell, if he takes me to court I will probably have to send him to a traditional school.  However, I am not required to have his consent in issues due to my sole custody, and they covered that in the hearing for the custody.  I'm less concerned about legal issues and more about my son being bullied by the other side of the family.  He has been mocked by his grandmother (yes mocked, I had taken him down to their house and witnessed it) about his clothing and hair decisions already.


* Edited because I used the wrong "they're".

TinasTribe
by Helping Hands on Jan. 12, 2013 at 6:06 PM

Look at the leagal ramifications.  And then use the don't ask don't tell policy with blank answers for example:"How is school?"  "Great!"  Do you like your teacher? "She is the best!!!" How are the other kids in youru class (if you join a co-op its his class right?)  "Great Dad there are tons of great kids who I get to have fun with!"   that should cure his curiosty and from the sounds of it thats as far as an uninterested parent would take it. He might from time to time ask how his studies are going, just tell him "great in math but he is struggling with xyz"   You arent lying, your child is answering his questions, and if legally it isnt an issue he can go blow snow :) 

BramblePatch
by Helping Hands on Jan. 12, 2013 at 11:16 PM
I do not have to have my ex-abuser-scumbucket-drunk azzhole's permission and he does not even have visitation rights however I built educational control into our agreement as a precaution...as well as split costs on curriculum uo to $1000 per child per year. He is not happy but he won't fight mr
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zandizane
by Testing the waters on Jan. 13, 2013 at 12:33 AM
My husband was against it but i took ds out of public school anyway. He can't stay mad at me for long so i wasn't worried lol. Now he can see how much ds has learned since we started hs'ing and he is totally on board :)
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leighp1
by Welcome Squad on Jan. 13, 2013 at 7:36 AM

Here is my story.  My daughter was 10 years old when we started homeschooling.  My husband was against taking her out of school.  My parents were against taking her out of school, but because of medical reasons, I decided I knew what was best and my husband said since I was the one that had to deal with it, it was ultimately up to me.  She is 11 now and last year she took the state tests and received 5's (which are the highest grade) on both reading and math.  My parents have now come around and now are concerned about any ideas of sending her to middle school next year (they want me to keep homeschooling her).  My husband still has doubts, but sees how far she has come and has and will continue to support whatever decisions I make.  Ultimately it is up to you (just make sure legally you are allowed to do this).  Looking back, I wish I would have homeschooled her from day one.

luvmycutebaby
by Stacy on Jan. 14, 2013 at 2:11 PM

If those are your main concerns, I would look into PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome) resources. That's the real issue. A good place to start is Richard Warshak's book Divorce Poison. That type of behavior is really damaging to kids as I know you know.

Quoting Ecoseem:

From what I can tell, if he takes me to court I will probably have to send him to a traditional school.  However, I am not required to have his consent in issues due to my sole custody, and they covered that in the hearing for the custody.  I'm less concerned about legal issues and more about my son being bullied by the other side of the family.  He has been mocked by his grandmother (yes mocked, I had taken him down to their house and witnessed it) about his clothing and hair decisions already.


* Edited because I used the wrong "they're".


Precious333
by Helping Hands on Jan. 14, 2013 at 2:14 PM

my dh is opposed as well, however he is allowing it because the school district we are in right now is terrible, I went to that school and its gotten a lot worse, so he is not forcing them to go to that school. However, when we move he says they will have to be put in public school (unless a miracle happens).  I'm not sure what to say with your situation. I hope there is a legal way for your to homeschool. Maybe if you are with a charter?

Ecoseem
by Welcome Squad on Jan. 19, 2013 at 11:35 AM

Update

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