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Anyone feel like I do?

Posted by on Jan. 27, 2011 at 4:12 PM
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Does anyone feel like they shouldn't have another child because of their first and only and even if not the only child they have has special needs? Is this some sort of bad depression or is it normal to feel like this? I would just think having another child when you have such a young child or baby having such a hard time with basic things would be selfish ( not to call mothers who had others selfish, just my feelings concerning me and my son). I recently miscarried and felt a big relief =(. I was being careful but got pregnant anyway and completely freaked out, it was probsbly stress caused in all reality. Will I always feel this way?

by on Jan. 27, 2011 at 4:12 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Crystal8327
by on Jan. 27, 2011 at 4:18 PM

I wish this group was as active as some of the stupid nonsense groups =(. Bump

Amy385
by Angelbaby on Jan. 27, 2011 at 4:54 PM

 No need to bump with a group this inactive especially so close in time. i wish the group was mroe active. I had it going good till i fell behind due to a lot of issues at home (gma fallin, kids bn sick, ect...) If you want you can help get it going again but posting & replying more! The more you do it, it'll encourage others to do so as well!

I have 3 special needs kids. The 1st 2 were "whoops" the 3rd was planned. We were told Kevins conditions were never going to happen again. True it didnt. But my oldest has autism & it seems that now our 3rd does too.

I will not be having any more children, partially due to the fact i dont think i can handle a 4th special needs child, partially because my body is fraile & pregnancy can be a death setence. I almost died to have the last 2.

It will go away. The depression you need help with. There are natural medicine to help & there are perscriptions.

If your son is at a state where he still needs mommy 24-7 maybe not having a 2nd would b a good thing but eventually he might not need you so & those feelings will change.

I know they did with me. I didnt want a 3rd but Kevin got to a place where i was no longer fighting to save his life & decided that it was time to have a 3rd.

Yes i worried EVERYDAY while i was pregnant what could be wrong. Yes i worried EVERYDAY what i was to come.

Have i stopped worring 15 months after he was born? Nope! Truth is, even if he was healthy, id worry regardless!

Crystal8327
by on Jan. 27, 2011 at 5:10 PM

He does need me 24/7 because he is like a little infant in a 18 months old body. I work part time and even that is difficult, it would be financially better if i went full time which my boss always offers but understands its hard enough for me as i have to call out sometimes. I just feel like sometimes it would be better to not have another one because i sometimes feel like i failed as a mother by not having the healthiest baby despite trying my hardest to. My friend disagrees and says he deserves a brother and sister just as much as any other child, I guess it depends how you look at it.

Crystal8327
by on Jan. 27, 2011 at 5:11 PM

and I give you credit, having 3 kids is tough enough even without the special needs.

zolanmel
by Group Admin on Jan. 27, 2011 at 6:21 PM

i didnt find out my firt was special needs(aspergers) intill after i had my second already but i got fixed after i had her. I cant see having another special needs kid.

sammygrl77
by on Jan. 27, 2011 at 6:33 PM
I have 3 special kids, 2 with mild issues and 1 severe. I have gone through times of depression and feeling like I shouldn't or couldn't have more. I'm now on anti depressants and feel better. Now I would consider having another child. If we were in a place to do it financially. I don't think it is selfish either way you choose. Its a personal choice everyone has to make, special kids or not.

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sammygrl77
by on Jan. 27, 2011 at 10:53 PM
I Just read this part. ((Hugs()) you did not fail. I went through a time of blaming myself. Counseling helped. No matter what, do not feel like you are to blame or you failed.

Even when I found out the medical staff was to blame, I found blame by convincing myself That I chose the hospital, I should have asked more questions, etc. Mommy guilt can be horrible. You really should consider seeking counseling to work through your feelings.


Quoting Crystal8327:

He does need me 24/7 because he is like a little infant in a 18 months old body. I work part time and even that is difficult, it would be financially better if i went full time which my boss always offers but understands its hard enough for me as i have to call out sometimes. I just feel like sometimes it would be better to not have another one because i sometimes feel like i failed as a mother by not having the healthiest baby despite trying my hardest to. My friend disagrees and says he deserves a brother and sister just as much as any other child, I guess it depends how you look at it.


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Crystal8327
by on Jan. 27, 2011 at 11:06 PM


Quoting sammygrl77:

I Just read this part. ((Hugs()) you did not fail. I went through a time of blaming myself. Counseling helped. No matter what, do not feel like you are to blame or you failed.

Even when I found out the medical staff was to blame, I found blame by convincing myself That I chose the hospital, I should have asked more questions, etc. Mommy guilt can be horrible. You really should consider seeking counseling to work through your feelings.


Quoting Crystal8327:

He does need me 24/7 because he is like a little infant in a 18 months old body. I work part time and even that is difficult, it would be financially better if i went full time which my boss always offers but understands its hard enough for me as i have to call out sometimes. I just feel like sometimes it would be better to not have another one because i sometimes feel like i failed as a mother by not having the healthiest baby despite trying my hardest to. My friend disagrees and says he deserves a brother and sister just as much as any other child, I guess it depends how you look at it.


Thanks.

Mom2kyky
by on Jan. 27, 2011 at 11:25 PM

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way.  I don't know if it is normal to feel that way or not. My special needs child is my youngest. I will probably not be having any more children, but not due to her having special needs. I feel like children are a blessing and if I have more, great, if not then it wasn't meant to be. 

LilMommaInSC
by on Jan. 28, 2011 at 10:42 AM

I had those same feelings.  My daughter has Rett Syndrome and requires complete care.  She is like an infant.  Then as we settled into a routine with her after her diagnosis we decided to try again.  Our 2nd baby miscarried due to triploidy.  The 3rd pregnancy was a surprise and our son is healthy.  I guess it depends on what you can handle.  It's not selfish to want to have a family as long as you can take care of them.  My daughter is well cared for, loved and adored, and so is our son.  He is a pretty happy kid.  The main thing is to take time to do things with your "normal" child.  Life gets hectic but it can be done  :)

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