Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

serious Questions and need advice badly!! updated

Posted by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 11:42 AM
  • 7 Replies
  • 236 Total Views

Here is my questions: what advice would you give to moms whose kids are starting their 1st year in school and are having trouble adjusting but the kids are not.

Here is the back story on these questions. This year in willy's class 3 new girls all new to school and this being their first year. 1-girls mom not really having an issue. The other 2 moms are! They are ready to pull their girls out because 1.)they miss them, 2.) they say they don't like the teacher because she doesn't communicate with them very well, and 3.) they are not happy with the situation. Both of these moms that are having issues have the girls only going 3 days a week. 

I am suppose to be having lunch with these ladies tomorrow to help them discuss their feelings and stand up for what they want/ need. I am meeting up with another mom that just went through this last year. But how do i do that without stepping on toes? What advice can i give them so that they understand and not get upset?I am friends with them all but they(the moms) are having a hard time to adjusting to school. Been there done that. Also learned had to stand up for what my kid needs and what i want from the teacher/aide. I may have crossed the line by asking the aide if she has any advice for me and gave her the back story. But i am lost when it comes to this!!I have been at the school longer than this small group of moms and EVERY1 is turning to me for advice. I don't want to give them the wrong advice! Open house is Thursday and thought that might be a good night to have the moms discuss these issues with the teacher but i don't know if they will. Any day would really work but they seem scared to ask for what they want. Or would like. Since they don't want to step on toes either and rather grumble and think about pulling the girls out. They both realize it is good for the girls but they are not comfortable. HELP!

by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 11:42 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-7):
Stephensmom1214
by Patty on Aug. 31, 2010 at 2:02 PM

Here's the thing: as you know, sending your child "away" for the first time is REALLY difficult!  Especially when you are accustomed to being a part of their various therapies, either in your home, or in a center where you are WITH your kid the whole time.  I really struggled with that too, especially because the only times I really hear from Stephen's OT, PT, and SLP are in the quarterly reports.  That has been really hard for me, but I have plans to get in touch with the PT about some exercises we can do at home (which is TOTALLY not the point!).

Are these moms getting in touch with the teacher at all, or are they just expecting her to tell them everything?  Because I know my teacher didn't used to tell me stuff unless I asked.  NOW she does, because she knows I'm involved, and want to know what's going on.  In our situation, I've noticed that the more involved I've been, the more Stephen's teacher involves me.  I'm not exactly sure HOW to say this to the moms, but somehow, you have to convey to them that this isn't about them, and their comfort level, but their kids.  There is nothing "comfortable" about having special needs kids, so they just need to get over that, although I think they will be happier once they start initiating communication with the teacher.

Good luck, and let us know how lunch goes!

willysmama
by Valerie on Aug. 31, 2010 at 3:10 PM

Thanks for the advice and to answer your question. We all get a commication folder daily from the teacher. i always write back in the folder. And i am involved. But i honestly don't know if these ladies are. I know 1 of the moms wants to be totally involved but doesn't want to say so.

Stephensmom1214
by Patty on Aug. 31, 2010 at 3:35 PM

Yes, I would encourage them to write back, or email (if your teacher does that) or call, even!  I often write notes to Stephen's teacher, especially if I notice something that I'm doing that she may not think to do that is helpful to him.

No offense to your friends, but there comes a point where you just have to put on your big girl pants and get over it, KWIM?  I hope they figure it out and don't pull their kids.  It might be time for some tough love (from you)!

willysmama
by Valerie on Aug. 31, 2010 at 4:57 PM

Yes i know what you mean! Tough love whats that?! lol I agree i think i need to sit down with them and give it to them straight.Teacher doesn't email but she texts and calls.

marklorna
by Lorna on Aug. 31, 2010 at 8:04 PM

The teacher's job is to educate the child.  Not babysit mommy.  The teacher is trained on how to deal with the children and that is her first priority.  She has several children to take care of - not just one.  She wants the kids to become independent and self-reliant.  She would like cooperative and helpful parents.  It is much easier to have a parent come to the teacher with  a question or express a concern than it is for the teacher to track down the parent and try to read their mind.

When Megan was younger or had a change in teachers, I would put together a book for the teacher.  it listed what she did over he summer, what we were working on at home, how we were doing with toileting and the method we were using, how Megan was communicating, allergies, how we wanted her handled at recess and when walking down the hall, etc.  Then the teacher had a good basis of where Megan was at and she could adjust the program for her.  Every teacher that received a book was thankful as it made her job easier and it was easy for a substitute EA to come into the class because she could spend 15 minutes reviewing the book and be up to speed.  I felt better because I had spent the time writing down everything that I thought would help Megan in the classroom. 

peasntatersmom
by Leslie on Sep. 1, 2010 at 2:32 PM

I want to say that I have been in the same place as these moms;  anyone who has been here in this group for a while and have read my posts knows this.  :)   I missed my kids terribly and had issues with Jerry's teacher because she didn't want me to be involved at all and I felt that communication between she and I was severely lacking.  This is his 4th year in her class and we have grown to know each other and what our expectations are.  This makes things alot more comfortable.  I suggest that you assure your friends that it WILL get better.  Change is hard but it is necessary.  Encourage them to write in the communication folder (I love this!)  Chances are they respect your advice and opinion since they are coming to you on this.  Please discourage them from pulling their girls out of school.  That would not be best for the children.  Let them know that their children WILL need to go to school at some point and it is good for them in so many ways.  Finally, make sure they know you are there for them if they are having a bad day and want to talk, let them know that they are not alone.

Honestly, most days I keep myself busy till it is time to go get them from school.  I have come to enjoy that time when I can get some things done and that gives me more time to spend with them when they get home.  That realization took me a couple years to come to though.  :)

*HUGS* and good luck!  Please update!  

Please update on this! 

willysmama
by Valerie on Sep. 1, 2010 at 5:20 PM

Lunch went great! my friend and i talked about what to do and how to get what you want out of it. Told them both to wait to pull the girls out. give them a chance to figure out the girls and the girls to figure out them. It would at least take more than a few weeks. We promised to be there for them and let them vent. But we also said that they need to learn to be open with the teacher/aide. If they don't like what is being said than say something about it right than and there. don't wait!

But when lunch was over we went to pick up the kids. One of the moms that we talked to during this lunch didn't seem to listen or have it sunk in. The teacher spoke to me first than my friend, than one of the new moms(she is the one who didn't seem to listen)and than barely said 2 words to the second new mom. She didn't seem to have a problem with it. But the one who didn't seem to listen left angry. I hope tomorrow night she stands up for herself! I will be there to give her support but i can't make her stand up for herself or for her daughter. We also talked about maybe starting a PTA for our school.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)