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The "Right Thing" To Do?

Posted by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 11:03 AM
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 Jerry was a very sad boy at school this morning.  I'm talking tears, protruding lip and all.  He was very happy until we pulled into the school parking lot, so I know that it was only that he didn't want to be at school. 

I tried to explain to him that all kids have to go to school, how much fun he was gonna have, what a great day it will be!  But he wasn't having any of that.  I thought about what his teacher had told me once about not holding him, not giving in, how I gotta be strong for him.  So I tried to fight the urge to carry him to class, even though he was reaching for me with those eyes full of tears.  Ok, well I thought about fighting the urge..but it didn't take much for me to give in, feeling that he needed me to comfort him for the last few minutes before he entered class.  I wiped his little face and nose and gave him a quick hug and a please don't cry lil man it'll be okay as his teacher was whisking him away to his center. 

So my question is this:  Is it wrong to comfort him?  Should I make him march in there crying and just leave?  Is that what's best for him?  Is that really gonna help him cope with the day?  What would you do?

by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 11:03 AM
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Replies (1-4):
willysmama
by Valerie on Aug. 25, 2009 at 11:22 AM

When willy did that 3 yrs ago. I was told i did it wrong. But i don't think i did, he needed mama for a few mins. It comforted him and me both. I left his school upset and crying because i was told i shouldn't have done that and they made me feel rotten. But as i was coming out his teacher from playgroup was going in and said i did fine. And he will be fine. He knows that mama cares and i wasn't abandoning him. It is a natural reflex to want to comfort your child when they are upset. I went through the same questions and emotions. Willy spent that first day in the principals' office(not because he was bad but because he wasn't use to the setting.) And the previous teacher(from his playgroup) came and helped him get comfortable with the school setting. But the next day when he went in he was fine. At willys' school i have seen first hand some moms that followed the schools' idea of just leaving them when they are crying and screaming. The kids still do that and its their 2 or 3 yr there. But the ones that got comforted now come in just like willy happy and ok with the situation. But each child is different same as the parenting styles of the parent.

mamatware
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 2:32 PM

It depends....ask his teacher today if he kept crying once you were gone, or did he go straight to center and was fine.  If he went straight to center and stopped crying immediately, it's a show for mommy-"if I cry mommy stays with me a few more feet".  Which means that if you just leave him at the door, he will probably stop crying as soon as he can't see you.  If he continued to cry after you left, then maybe he did a bit more comforting.   The answer depends more on what happened after he couldn't see you and you couldn't see him than what happens when you two are still visible to each other.

peasntatersmom
by Leslie on Aug. 25, 2009 at 11:51 PM

I spoke with his teacher this afternoon and she said he was upset off and on all day.  She said that Jerry has me wrapped around his little finger and jumping through hoops for him and it confuses him because they do not jump through hoops.  She said she tested him by picking him up and hugging him and he stopped crying, but as soon as she put him down he began to get upset again.  I do feel that he is needing something, some comfort of some kind.  I told her this and she suggested that I bring something that belongs to me; a bracelet, keychain, scarf..something he could keep throughout the day.  I don't think he will make the connection between me and any particular object, but am thinking of maybe printing him out a few family pictures and putting them in a small photo album.  Not sure if it would even help..but I am willing to try.

I am hoping that this is just because it is the beginning of the school year and he needs to re-adjust to the routine of it all.  There are also 3 new students in his class, making things seem unfamiliar to him I'm sure.  Everyone at the school has been bragging on him, how mature he has gotten, how he follows along with the class to lunch with no assistance, looks at the board during classtime, has not had to be re-directed to center even once so far this year.  These are all things that he struggled with last year.   

willysmama
by Valerie on Aug. 26, 2009 at 9:47 AM

Try a shirt that you have worn the previous day. It has your smell on it. It may comfort him. I send one with willy when he spends the night at grandmee's house and he does fine.

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