I am a mother of two boys who live with thier father and his fiance. I am getting calls every other day about my oldest who will be 12 in March. He is not doing what he is suppose to be doing correctly. If he is told to load the dishwasher he puts the dirty dishes back into the cupboard. It only happens when she asks him to do something. I just don't know what to do anymore. My kids live another state so I can't be there for them all the time (which kills me). My son is getting attitudes and fighting with his brother (my youngest) which in turn causes my youngest to get into fights at school. If you have any suggestions pleae let me know. My oldest is full of anger and I see me when I was his age.
Bump. I wish I had some better advice. The only thing I can think of with the dishes is when dirty ones are found in the cabinet, make him put them in the dishwasher himself while supervised. Let him know you are checking. My oldest son who is now 14 used to "hide" dirty dishes. After he found out that I was checking and he had to do them anyway and it cut into fun time, he stopped hiding them. And we don't have a dishwasher, so he has to actually wash them.
It's interesting that they're calling you every other day. Since they have custody and know the situation better than anybody else, it seems like it's their job to figure out what's wrong and fix it. Maybe they should try family counseling. Chances are your sons are rebelling because you're not the "mother" they see every day. She'll need to get creative because your older son is probably testing her to see how far he can push. They're so go at it by that age.
I agree with PP. It sounds like it's a pretty minor problem and they should deal with it.... there is little you can do from a distance, and frankly, if I were you, I'd focus my energy on the big picture - getting along with brother is important, as well as grades, extracurricular activites, friends and I wouldn't waste the short time you have with him on local problems.
As far as Dad and stepmom go - they need to set the rules. Perhaps pay him an allowance when the chores are done correctly (I prefer this... make it positive when he does it well), or hover over him while he fixes what he has done wrong.
And yes, if he is that angry and this is only one of many issues... he probably needs some conseling,
It sounds to me that you son misses you - and this is his way of expressing his desire to be with you. You should try and keep in touch with him as often as possible always reassuring him of your love. Outside of that - Dad should grow a backbone and make the child behave, My God he is only 12. I wouldn't be that concern about the dishes - if they take up his food in one of those plates once - and make him eat it, trust me, he will never put a dirty plate in the cupboard again. Good luck
Back at it TUESDAY
- tggr2623
on Nov. 29, 2009 at 6:20 PM