My tween is normal

[ivonnex313]

My tween is almost 12 years old.  His name is Joshua.  I notice he does only have fun with friends and argues mostly with his cousins and does not pay attention to his baby brother.  i notice that he wants the cool look with his hair, first he got the "foehawk" haircut, then he wants to grow his hair long and he wears clothes that i think clash but to him are totally cool.  he gets so much influence and the worst are other adults influenicng him to grow his hair long.  I raise him with short hair, well , according to the  other mother, the military hair cut.  she insist that the choice of haircut for my son is extremely short and he should grow his hair like how the children on the disney channel grow it.  I was sooo frustrated and angry.  other adults included themselves in on the conversation. stating, you dont let your son show his individuality.. 

it was next convinced to my thoughts to buy or take a parenting/family counseling class or book to help guide my parental ways to my tween who is growing into a teen and especially since the only experience i have is of the one and only son that i have.  The other parents who very spiritual and in compairson of the actions i was on the lower end looking to them as a "bad" parent.  Or other parents who had older children or more amount of children were critizing or so stated critiqing.   

my tween is now officailly taller than me and he does not know his own strenght.  he wants to wrestle to play and worse when he gets angry and lets out his anger through his actions.  He will yell and talk back  and restate comments or behaviors that i have done to make his point more "right" over mine.  I am a person who at a certain time when i feeling an overwhelm of guilt and self-blame. about, his eating habits, his hygiene habits, the way he yells back with talking back, i wonder to myself , is it my fault or what, is he being tween or is it all me as a bad role model? I do see alot of influence from men and people that i do not approve of.  there is a man who laughs at farts and now my son is doing the same thing. other children are saying, no joshua farts are not funny.  he make jokes that i do not understand.  as a mother i try not to hurt his feelings and have stated to him gently that it really is not funny. 

his father and i have agreed to raise him catholic. he is now enrolled in catecishm. i give him some bible study time where i teach the bible stories and principles to him.  no complaints there on putting effort from the heart. he has received the lord into his heart and now the tuffy part. to apply all the teachings to his actions.  he still must learn the key step to apply the teachings to his life and live the teachings and to show through his actions.

  my son is a tween and his handwriting has not improved.  He has an excellent report card, so i dont complain.  if not, i would be putting time to tutor him.  I think he needs to improve in school wiith his reading and other areas of school. 

my tween looses his temper.  for example i will be driving and he will say, "you are ignoring me, pay attention, then he does not want to speak to me and says, nevermind!!!" I tell my son, "I am driving or i was daydreaming/ thinking about something thing, but okay i am paying attention now so tell me, tell me , tell me"

i worry about my sons weight, he is overweight and i am obese.  that is a hurdle that as a woman or even any man is difficult to deal with.  the severe low self esteem and the public rejection and affecting the love life, the beauty attraction factor.  waiting for true love to cross those enourmous boundaries. 

And that is all that i experience and see from the limited amount of visitation that i have with my tween. 

My tween is into video games, karate, art, electirc guitar music and other stuff that i do not know about.

my tween is normal. and so am I.

-Ivonne A. Menjivar

[shell81]

You are right you both are normal.

Girl I do not see you being obese by your pic. HUGS

All tweens / teens go through things and they out grow them. If you wanted to then yes look into counseling or a book to read. It might help you some it sounds like.  

[yikes2035]

You have a lot going on there thats for sure. 

I have a 15 year old and a 10 year old. 

I had a lot of behavior issues with the 15 year old.  In fact he had stabbed me in the leg when he was 9.  I would say comparing your son with my son,  yours is normal.  He is a Tween which means he is still infantile at times with the desire to be an individual.  He needs his mommy but doesnt want his mommy.  Keep up with the bible training I really, really approve of that.  Also rely on your instincts just because you may do things differently than other parents does not mean you are a bad parent.  Bad parents beat and neglect their kids.  Spanking isnt beating (in fact that is biblical... spanking to discipline and not punish is extremely effective)  and being preoccupied when your kid talks to you isnt being neglectful. 

[meekasmile]

You n Ur son are NORMAL. There r no cut n dry rules to parenting any child.