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My 11 year old seems depressed? What should I do?

Posted by on Dec. 30, 2009 at 1:20 PM
  • 5 Replies

My 11 year old daughter seems to be depressed.  I thought is was just one of the those stages, getting ready for puberty, but it has been going on for awhile.  Now even family members and school officials seem to notice it.  We have talked to our Dr. but he just seems to think it's something that she will grow out of.  She has dyslexia severely so she has a really hard time in school.  She has gotten in fights with a few boys at her school over them calling her dumb or fat (she isn't fat, but a little heavier).  I try to make a conscious effort not to compare her to her sister who is almost 15, a straight A student, and very slender.  It breaks my heart to see her hurting but I just don't know what to do.  I don't want to have to put her on medication because I know how those can affect young children.  Depression does run in my family, I have battled with it off and on for years, as has my father.  Does anyone have any ideas?

by on Dec. 30, 2009 at 1:20 PM
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shell81
by on Dec. 30, 2009 at 1:48 PM

Oh yes it does run in families. I know personally. I am bipolar.

I would have her see the school counselor or tell the doctor he HAS to refer you to someone. I would get her help now instead of later. I had hard teen yrs because I was severely depressed and no one got me help. HUGS 

      Shell
Group Owner To -
Moms With Blended Families   
& 
Tween Titans
& Big Kids CafeMom Scout

Nitanni
by on Dec. 30, 2009 at 4:39 PM

Wow, first, I just want to say I'm sorry this is happening. I'm just going to give suggestions. I was depressed at that age for altogether different reasons.

1-Try to help her find out what her interests and talents may be. In other words, find what makes her special and different from others. When you are told you are dyslexic, alot of stigmas come from that. Help her re-label herself, and not believe the hype or stereotype.

2-Crazy as this may sound, there's nothing like a makeover. Sometimes we women try to follow fashion fads and trends that do not suit our body type. Find what flatters her hair and body wise and she will feel better everytime she looks in the mirror. If she gets defensive, make it mother daughter thing, or even something for all the ladies of the family so she doesn't feel put out somehow. AND NO, you don't have to hit salons. There's nothing like doing each other's hair and nails, hitting resale stores for a new look and watching some chick flicks.

3-Remind her that she is loved for who she is. This would help loads if the 15 year old is supportive, too. Love is stock and trade of family, but for a sis to say, "you're okay by me" means more. Crazy, I know, but there it is. 

When I was 11, I got depressed because I have 18 scars from plastic surgery all over me. I was called "burnt toast" and some kids called me "leper" too. I used to wish I was dead.

But my mom saw I was smart, and praised my grades. She saw I could move fast and got me into track and gymnastics. It built my confidence. Oh, guys didn't really notice me much in high school, but I was a late bloomer, I think. Now, when I get male attention, I feel awkward and embarrassed about it! She will get through this, I believe it's a phase, but your love and attention can shorten it and make it a positive outcome.

Hope I helped, I really do. Happy Holidays!

 

tammylanum
by on Dec. 30, 2009 at 5:22 PM

Hi, I have had a lot of experience in that department, i have 4 children 2 girls 2 boys, there is a problem if your child is sad alot. it will not go away without getting to the root of the problem. talk to her councelors at school, her friends and talk to your daughter until she opens up. let her know some things you went through at that age. but let her do the talking. make sure she knows that eveyone goes through sad times talking is the first step .  And also have her write down on paper things that make her happy and things that make her sad 2 columns this really gives insight. I hope she gets better soon Tammy

SHANNYG
by on Dec. 30, 2009 at 5:40 PM

Thank all of you for your support and advise.  I love the make over idea.  The list is a great way of trying to get to the bottom of what is going on. I've tried to get her to open up and she just say's " I don't know".  I worry because I see a lot of her behaviors that I had when I was her age.  I know she eats when she's upset and unfortunatly, I think she is more prone to be overweight like I am.  I know I had serious self esteem issues for years. It's going to be a long road, but one that I'm more than willing to go down for her.   

tntzmom79
by on Dec. 31, 2009 at 8:17 PM

I think all of the pp have great points.  Sorry I don't have any more advice, but please know you're daughter is in my thoughts and prayers.

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