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Need help talking to SD about her period

Posted by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 12:33 PM
  • 7 Replies

 My SD is 12 and just started her period this weekend when she was over at our house.  Her mom has gone over all the info with her, so I'm not concerned about that, but I'm not sure how to get her to see just how important it is to NOT flush the panty liners or pads down the toilet. 

I noticed last night that there was a pantyliner paper in the trash, and I know it wasn't from me.  So I ran out and picked up some pads since I only use tampons.  I let her know that there were pads under the sink for her to use instead of the pantyliners since they absorb more then a liner, and also to make sure not to flush them down the toilet.  I had the toilet overflow(plus there was no used liner obvious in the trash.  I didn't go digging), so I am positive that she flushed the liner that she had used.  I don't know why but she still didn't use the pads this morning (no pad paper in the trash).  She moved them out of the way to use a liner instead.  But still no obvious used liner in the trash. 

Her dad is totally freaking out about it, in true father fashion, LOL!!  He really doesn't want to say anything to her unless he absolutely has to.  I grew up in a house hold of all females, and so all the 'female' things were common sights.  My mom was very open about all of it, and SD's mom mostly is too.  So I'm lucky with all that.  I have mentioned things to SD on occasion, and just get an 'Ok', and not much else.  I'm sure that she is embarised about it even though she knows it is normal (lord knows I was.  I had 3 periods before my mom even found out about it).  Especially with this being her first one.  This isn't the first hygienic discussion I have had to have with her (using my towel after her shower, and being over to our house for 3 days and not changing her panties, EWW), but all she says is, 'Ok' but never actually changes anything.  Her dad says it is because she is oblivious to things, but I really think it is because her dad has always just ignored anything female related, and just lets her go in the area.

If it were my daughter I would probably go off on how gross and disgusting it is, and how she will have to clean up the mess when the toilet overflows, but I am a bit stricter with my daughter then SO is with his.  Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.  Thanks

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by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 12:33 PM
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jjamom
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 1:49 PM

Ok, well the first thing that comes to mind is that she may only need a liner right now.  Sometimes a first period is very light.  She also may not like the bulkiness of the bigger pads.  They tend to "show more" under jeans or other pants and she might feel embarassed, like everyone can tell she has one on.  Speaking from experience here... :)

Also, if you saw the liner package and not the liner, maybe is it because it's the one she has on?  I was a little confused about that part.

With the flushing, you will definitely have to talk to her about that.  Just make sure that you are very firm about it, but gentle and understanding about what might be bothering her - why she wants to flush them vs. throw them in the trash.  Again, she might just be embarassed...  But, definitely let her know that they cannot be flushed.  If you get nowhere, maybe you could ask her Mother to talk to her about it.   Does she have a bedroom in your house?  Maybe she could throw them in a wastebasket in there instead of the bathroom, and that way her father (or anyone else) might not be able to see what she has to throw away.  It sounds like she might just really be embarassed, and I can really relate to that.  I started my period at 10 and everything about it was really embarassing for me.

Good luck with it :)

shell81
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 5:48 PM

I would sit and talk to  her just like you would your own child. Explain how she can get infections etc.

Talk to her about how much a bill would be if she flushes them and causes a back up.

Just be truthful and tell her how she needs to take care of herself and what will happen if she doesn't. 

      Shell
Group Owner To -
Moms With Blended Families   
& 
Tween Titans
& Big Kids CafeMom Scout

me4stepmom
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 6:41 PM

I agree with the pp.  My mom taught me to wrap used tampons and pads in tp before putting in the trash. 

MrsDavid
by on Jan. 26, 2010 at 1:29 PM

I am a custodial SM to a 10 year old girl, so keep that in mind as I respond.

I think once you go over the proper disposal of these things, if the toilet over flows because she didn't follow the instructions she gets a lesson in unclogging the toilet.  I am betting it will be the last time she flushes them.

At this point, she may only need liners.  Just ask her.  Maybe she has a preference in pads?  Maybe her mother told her she could use tampons?

I think it is so important to keep the lines of communication wide open about stuff like this so that they don't get filled up with misinformation from other sources.

It's so hard being the SM isn't it?

"Who can protest and does not is an accomplice in the act" Talmud 


My disability is invisible....what's your excuse?  http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/ 




nosborne
by on Jan. 26, 2010 at 3:09 PM


Quoting jjamom:

Ok, well the first thing that comes to mind is that she may only need a liner right now.  Sometimes a first period is very light.  She also may not like the bulkiness of the bigger pads.  They tend to "show more" under jeans or other pants and she might feel embarassed, like everyone can tell she has one on.  Speaking from experience here... :)

Ok, I guess it could be that she only needs the liner right now.  I was going by my experience where I needed to change my pad every hr for my first couple periods, and didn't understand why she would want to use a liner where it would almost definatly leak thru.  I know that I hated/hate pads.  That is why I just use tampons.

Also, if you saw the liner package and not the liner, maybe is it because it's the one she has on?  I was a little confused about that part.

Sorry, I didn't say that right.  There were 2 liner papers in the trash, but no used liner obvious in the trash.

With the flushing, you will definitely have to talk to her about that.  Just make sure that you are very firm about it, but gentle and understanding about what might be bothering her - why she wants to flush them vs. throw them in the trash.  Again, she might just be embarassed...  But, definitely let her know that they cannot be flushed.  If you get nowhere, maybe you could ask her Mother to talk to her about it.   Does she have a bedroom in your house?  Maybe she could throw them in a wastebasket in there instead of the bathroom, and that way her father (or anyone else) might not be able to see what she has to throw away.  It sounds like she might just really be embarassed, and I can really relate to that.  I started my period at 10 and everything about it was really embarassing for me.

She shares a bedroom with my daughter who is 8.  Sometimes I think that DD knows more then SD though.  I don't think DD would be bothered by it at all, but I'm not too sure which would be less embarresing for her, her dad seeing it, or my DD.

Good luck with it :)


Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers

       I will nurse him, MOM I AM!!!!!
nosborne
by on Jan. 26, 2010 at 3:18 PM


Quoting MrsDavid:

I am a custodial SM to a 10 year old girl, so keep that in mind as I respond.

I think once you go over the proper disposal of these things, if the toilet over flows because she didn't follow the instructions she gets a lesson in unclogging the toilet.  I am betting it will be the last time she flushes them.

I'm all for that.  I just don't know if her dad would go along with it too.  I guess the only way to know for sure is for it to actually happen again (and me not unclog it).

At this point, she may only need liners.  Just ask her.  Maybe she has a preference in pads?  Maybe her mother told her she could use tampons?

I don't think that she would have developed a preferance in pads yet.  This was her first period.  Her mom doesn't like tampons at all, so I doubt she would let her daughter wear them.

I think it is so important to keep the lines of communication wide open about stuff like this so that they don't get filled up with misinformation from other sources.

Yeah, I talked to my SO (her dad) last night.  He said that he is going to tell her that if she has any questions or needs any thing to ask me, but under no circumstances should she flush anything.  Her mom and I have also told her that if she has questions while at her dad's she can feel free to ask me.  She is just pretty quiet and reserved, especially right now with going thru puberty, and so I don't know if she will actually come to me with anything.

It's so hard being the SM isn't it?


Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers

       I will nurse him, MOM I AM!!!!!
PhillyinFrance
by on Jan. 28, 2010 at 9:52 AM

I agree with PPs, you really just need to gently explain the rules - remind her that if the toilet gets clogged, it will be 1) embarassing and 2) costly.   But I wouldn't panic yet...  maybe she is throwing the liners away elsewhere?   (Gross, but I have seen someone dispose of them in a drawer in their room)  If she is embarassed, she may also be disposing of them elsewhere (like the kitchen trash, etc.).    Explain the rule is to change them every x hours or she can get an infection, etc. etc.

I think it is sufficient to buy a few different pads - light, med, night, tampons... put them in the bathroom, and tell her to try them, and to let you know (well in advance) of what needs to be replaced etc.  If she is shy about talking, you might tell her 'send me a text with what you need, that way I won't forget when I go shopping'...

I'd suggest you bring up the subject at other times.   One day when my DD was talking about dance or gym, I asked her if the girls complained when they had their period - and she said Oh yeah... 4 of us had our periods at the same time, how awful, blah blah blah... and we did talk about how it might be best to bring extra pads that day to change right after class and wear baggy dark sweatpants... and how you have to be careful even days before because at a young age, periods are very unpredictable, etc.   All those little conversations can give them lots of helpful information to de-dramatize the topic.

And frankly, I wouldn't get dad involved - she's probably as shy as he is!

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