So last week I posted about my oldest having a condom, crappy but I can deal. Last night..... My 13 y/o lost his damn mind and thought he was grown already and started mouthing off. So I grounded him. (If his attitude and science grade improve he'll be ungrounded in time for his 13th birthday on the 19th) If not, this will be the 3rd year in a row he's been grounded on his b-day. So, back to the story.
Since he's grounded, I took his cell from him. Now, I don't snoop a lot, but if your phone gets taken, it's free range, baby. So I looked through his texts. Most of them were "normal" crap that irritates me, like bad language and being perverted with girls. But I found some to and from his oldest friend that sounded a lot like thery are smoking pot together. And my son is buying it. I don't give him money so he has to be buying it for all of them.
Now, I am not opposed to adults occasionally smoking a joint. I realize it's illegal and therefore a crime. But I don't see the harm in it. I know there are some, but I don't agree with the propaganda. Having said that, WTF is my kid thinking. It's illegal and he's 13!! We've talked to him about the dangers of drugs. ALL drugs. And we've even randomly drug tested them just to let them know that we can. But we've never had the need before now.
I'd hate for him to be grounded on his 13th birthday but how else do I make him understand that his actions have consequences? This is not like talking back or not cleaning his room. My heart is breaking thinking I haven't done my job and made him aware of the dangers of this kind of behaviour and that he may be throwing his life away. I know, it's "just weed" but it's not. It could be so much more than that and I don't know it. Or it could become more so. I hate to be overly dramatic, but what if I'm losing my kid? We've always been so close. He's always talked to me about everything, even things I don't want to know. He always told me when he (or friends) were doing (or about to do) something stupid. Why wouldn't he come to me with something this important?!?
I am completely dumbfounded. My baby broke my heart and I can't fix it. And to make matters worse, I'm not sure I can ever trust him again.
Wow! You have a tough situation on your hands. I can't imagine my almost 13 yr old acting this way, but I'm sure it will come. I have not dealt with this yet, so I'm just writing with what I would do. You probably already know this, but it is chat time with him. You need to be an adult parent and not his friend. Be kind, but stern. Hear him out and then add your part. If he doesn't cooperate then continue to keep him grounded until he is ready for a respectful conversation. Good Luck and remember he is still your baby and you are the parent. Don't forget a hug and love ya, kid!!
Thanks, Shell. We've had this talk before. Apparently he wasn't listening. So I guess we're having it again tonight. I just hate that he's going to be grounded again on his birthday. His 13th at that. I just hope that it's going to sink in with him that he's on the way to ruining a lot of things that can't be repaired, i.e., my trust, his brain cells, his academic future...
Jeez, he's being so stupid to be so smart!
Can you unground him just for one dy on his bday then add another day since you gave him a pass on his bday. The pot I don't agree with at all. I was a teen once and I know kids do drugs shit I did meth, acid, and pot. If it was my kids I would scare the hell out of them by taking them to the police station but that is just me. I don't want my kids to do the shit I did and follow in my foot steps. I would also let him know drugs or not that you are always there for him cause it seems like you are ok with it but not ok with it.. Not being rude it is just how your post sounded.
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Quoting shell81:
Can you unground him just for one dy on his bday then add another day since you gave him a pass on his bday. The pot I don't agree with at all. I was a teen once and I know kids do drugs shit I did meth, acid, and pot. If it was my kids I would scare the hell out of them by taking them to the police station but that is just me. I don't want my kids to do the shit I did and follow in my foot steps. I would also let him know drugs or not that you are always there for him cause it seems like you are ok with it but not ok with it.. Not being rude it is just how your post sounded.
We're considering letting him have his party. I did meth and coke too. I have explained to him the bad things that happened because of my bad decisions. We talked to him and I explained it to him again. I've told him everything that he'd be throwing away not just if or when he gets caught but just by doing it.
He can't have his phone back for a while or hang out with those boys anymore or go anywhere near the neighborhood where he got it. If his grades are back up and his attitude is better then he can have his party. I am worried that eh won't get over not having his 13th party since that's kinda a really big deal. We shall see...
This is such a tough age and I am not making excuses for your sons actions. However I have been there done that with my 18 year old.
There is so much peer pressure and bullying going on these days and kids fall prey to it all of the time. The important thing for you to do here is keep them lines of communication open with your son. He may not even reply to you and act like he is not listening but he is hearing you. Trust me.
My son is now 18 years old and when I say I've been there I have and then some. I know my son has smoked pot because he was busted for it twice. I know he has drank because I have smelled it on him. Kids will try these things. I know it's scary but be very open and honest with your son. Even about the trust issue you now have with him. Trust is something that is earned and right now you have none because he lost it and lost it all on his own. Tell him he has to earn it back.
As for un grounding him. I wouldn't., You told him he is grounded so stick to your guns. You give them an inch and they will for sure take a mile. Yes as parents we don't want our kids grounded on their birthdays, BUT it was his actions that got him there, not yours.
Many times I have felt , where did I go wrong when it comes to raising my kids. It's not that we were wrong. In all honesty it's kids will be just that, kids. And they do , do stupid things. Some far worse than others.
As for the pot talk, it can all be a lie. Kids like to feel important amongst their piers and will say something to sound cool. One way to be sure is to have him tested. Hang in there Mom it does get better. For five years I wondered what happened to my son. He has now come back to me a young man. I am not saying n it's all roses and sugar these days but it has gotten much easier. I wish you a lot of luck. I know it's hard but hang tough. You are in for one hell of a roller coaster ride.
Welp, his dad tested him before I got home. It was a weak positive and he broke down and confessed. His dad gave him a stern talking to and when I got I home, I lost it. I broke his phone when I threw it (because he lied to me). Yes, I do feel like an ass. That was so not how it played out in mind.
Anyhoo, I said my piece. I yelled. I cried. HE cried. A lot. And I think he gets it now. He is grounded from his phone until his grade is up and his attitude improves. He cannot go ANYWHERE without a parent or grandparent (or s/o of said parent). And that's his parents not a parent that will give and/or sale him weed. He's going to be (surprise) tested again on his birthday and if all is well he can have a party the next weekend. Hopefully he was listening.
When all was said and done I got the best thing I could have ever hoped for: respect. From both my son AND his father. His father was never much on telling me I was a good mother, in fact, it was just the opposite. But last night he told me my speech was impressive AND better than the one he gave and that I had done well. Yay me. I really did need to hear that right then.
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Am I to old fashioned?
- Kriket2202
on Feb. 9, 2010 at 11:43 AM