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My daughter is upset over "Mean Girls" won't talk. Advice?

Posted by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 5:11 PM
  • 7 Replies

My daughter is in her room quietly playing her DS and "insisting" she is alright.  My mother's intuition and sharp eye picked something up at her after school art class today.

I was right.  There is a girl (with big sister) that she is trying to make friends with in that art class.  My dd said, "can you talk to her mom about a playdate?"  I approached the mother last week (with warmth and friendliness)  and got a cold, rude  "uppity" response.  I believe it is these 2 girls in her class that have hurt her.    It hurts to see the painful look on her face and I want to comfort her.


Suggestions? Experience? Strength? Hope?


by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 5:11 PM
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Replies (1-7):
shell81
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 9:55 PM

 All I can really say is let her know some kids can be so nice and some can be so hateful that it is a part of life. Let her know you will ALWAYS be there ANYTIME she needs to talk to you or for you to just have a shoulder to lean on. HUGS

Wyldbutterfly
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 10:06 PM

This is so hard as a parent to deal with and see. Sadly it's a life lesson they learn younger and younger all of the time.

My suggestion is to just be there for her and let her know that sadly she will come across people like this her whole life. Try and talk to her, get her to open up. She has to at least be able to come to Mom.

If they aren't willing to be her friends, it's okay there are plenty of other nice girls out there for her and she will find them. Tell her I said being popular isn't all that great anyway, being a nice person is. I'm sorry for your daughter, I know it hurts.

Mom2BKM
by on Apr. 2, 2010 at 8:52 AM

Your poor daughter. :0(  I know what it's like to watch your kid hurt like this.  Sometimes just being there for your daughter is enough. Letting her know that you're more than willing to listen while she vents is a way to do that. And because your daughter's self-esteem may be taking a beating right now, maybe you can slip in little compliments. IE: "Sweetie, would you mind using your eye for fashion and telling me what you think of this outfit?" I use this tactic and it seems to work well. When you try outright compliments like, "Those girls don't know what they're missing by not having you for a friend because you're so caring, etc." The response I usually get when I do that is eye rolling and, "Mom, you have to say that, because you're my mother!"

 

Good luck. :0( And I'm sorry for your daughter. :0(

cafemom40
by on Apr. 6, 2010 at 1:20 PM

 The apple doesn't fall far from the tree!!! I'm sorry for your daughter and know what you are going through. To help my daughter, I try to get her involved in activities that have kids from other area schools so that she can see there is soo much more out there than the group she is surrounded with. We go to dance class a little ways out so she is with other kids not from her school and also tried some other activities where she got to meet nice kids and see that they are not all like that. It's sad to see this happening, we are now experiencing this same "snobbiness" with my son (Kindergarten) who  wanted to set up a playdate with a boy in class and we got the "cold shoulder" too. :-(  What is it with parents these days???hugs

jns131
by on Apr. 7, 2010 at 10:52 AM

Again I say, she is trying to make friends with the popular girls to be popular herself. She must be in middle school? Right? This is a tough 3 years to make new friends with. Find someone else she can be friends with. Tell her the girl is nice and all? But I would find someone else to play with. Otherwise, this is a slippery slope you don't want to be involved with. Good luck with this one and stay involved. I would also find out why she wants to be friends with this child. You will find that there is something she has and your daughter wants. I know, been there done that. Not happening here. Steer her in a new direction and find a place she can make new friends with.

Classymoma
by on Apr. 8, 2010 at 2:09 PM

Let her know that there's people that will treat people good and some that treat people bad (usually because they feel bad about themselves or simply may be jealous).  She's going to encounter these people, but keep in mind that something is wrong with them and not her. Go for friends that treat other with kindness & respect. And let her know you're always there to listen and answer her questions. Good luck!

glnagffy
by on Apr. 8, 2010 at 2:49 PM

I have went through similar things with my girls. Just be there for her. Let her know you love her no matter what and let her know she is special. They are pretty resiliant. At least mine are. When she gets ready to tell you about it, she will. Don't push her. It will only make it worse. Be very supportive and positive. That's what works with my girls. I know it hurts to see them hurt.

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