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Tween Titans Tween Titans

12 year old son won't go to the bathroom (kinda gross)

Posted by on Apr. 20, 2010 at 12:18 PM
  • 23 Replies

So my 12.5 year old DS won't go to the bathroom.  He just won't.  There are some days I think he only goes once!  Last year, when he had his appendix out, the doctor told us that DS had some pretty packed bowels and needed to use the bathroom more.  And I'm pretty sure he does need to go, because when he passes gas it is just disgustingly foul. 

He's acting like a toddler with control issues.  The more he's reminded and nagged, the more he holds it in.  My ex just told me that he spent last night humiliating DS about it...on purpose in order to make him go.  The result?  DS wet his bed for the first time in months.  Obviously the wrong tactic.  The ex has some bathroom issues himself, but the opposite way.  He can spend hours in the bathroom.

I feed him a healthy diet; he doesn't eat much however.  We've tried mineral oil, senna and Miralax, but nothing seems to help.

Do I take him to a psychologist or a pediatrician?  Do I ignore the problem (because I can't force him to go)?  Has anyone dealt with something like this?

TIA

rock n rollErika in NJ

by on Apr. 20, 2010 at 12:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
bleumonster
by on Apr. 20, 2010 at 5:58 PM

Give him an enema or have the ped office do it. I bet that will be something that he will remember when you ask him to go. I would start restricting extracurricular activities and not allow him to do overnights or have anyone for overnights. Taking away priviledges might be a way to go too. A counselor or psych would be a very good idea. Obviously he is using this as a control issue much like those with eating disorders. If he wets the bed again, let him know that it isn't acceptable and unless he has had a problem with this all along then you know that he is doing it on purpose to get back at you. Then make him clean up all the mess.

strongerthanB4
by on Apr. 20, 2010 at 6:00 PM

 Once he has to go to the Dr. and they have to take 2 fingers up his ass, because he is so impacted. Maybe he will go more. Try sneaking laxatives into his food.

jessica268
by on Apr. 20, 2010 at 6:30 PM

Dont put anything in your sons butt or have anyone else do it. But do take him to his ped doc and ask him or her what you can do.My son doesnt go alot. But if it is just he doesnt want to go there is not much you can do.That is or was my son issue was.But if he has hard stool it my hurt him to poo.

RNsteph
by on Apr. 21, 2010 at 12:53 AM

He might have a condition called "encopresis".  Talk to his pediatrician about it...and he may need a counselor to help him work through it as well.  I had this issue with two of my kids.  It did eventually resolve, but it sure is frustrating!

bjfreeman1
by on Apr. 21, 2010 at 7:59 AM

My twelve year old son won't use the bathrooms at his middle school.  He'll hold it until he gets home.  He says about the school bathrooms, "mom, you don't wanna go there". 

bleumonster
by on Apr. 21, 2010 at 9:29 AM

I kept thinking about this post last night. Is there any possibility that your son might have experienced sexual abuse? Often kids that do react in certain ways that seem gross to us. They will often refuse to bathe or soil their clothes or beds. Refusing to evacuate his bowels sounds like it could fall into this category. I don't know if this could be the case but its something that you might explore. Was there anybody that he suddenly didn't want to see anymore or reacted to negatively? Obviously you would rather it be another explanation and I hope it is. Perhaps there is something physically wrong or some other emotional or mental roadblock.

Wyldbutterfly
by on Apr. 21, 2010 at 10:17 AM

Has your son always been like this? If so I'm thinking along the lines of a previous poster. If he holds it in too long it may hurt him to go. My kids did this when they were younger. It wasn't intentional, but they held it so long because they were busy with something else that it hurt them when they did go.

SpiritedTigress
by on Apr. 21, 2010 at 3:40 PM

I would try leaving him alone. He can pee his own bed, thats fine because I dont have to sleep in it. But as soon as he gets up he has to wash his sheets and bed, then take a shower and wash his clothes. He would not be allowed to pass gas anywhere but his own room. If he doesnt do this then he'd be locked in his room all night.

If that didnt work (making him responsible for his own actions) then I'd take him to a psychologist.

 

crysjuls
by on Apr. 21, 2010 at 3:43 PM
I've heard of people doing this on purpose. Its something phsycological. I would take him to his ped and also a phsyc. Maybe he's trying to deal with something and he can't so he holds it in...? Good luck.
jabakasupergirl
by on Apr. 21, 2010 at 3:58 PM

I agree with this suggestion. As a student of psychology I highly recommend NOT making this something to be punished over I mean OMG its a body function HIS body function, if he is having problems talk to a Pediatrican and a counselor to attack both fronts, physcial and mental. Getting him worked up about it puts stress on him which makes it worse. Its almost like performance anxiety.

Quoting RNsteph:

He might have a condition called "encopresis".  Talk to his pediatrician about it...and he may need a counselor to help him work through it as well.  I had this issue with two of my kids.  It did eventually resolve, but it sure is frustrating!


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