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Not sure if I did the right thing

Posted by on Apr. 13, 2007 at 12:15 PM
  • 11 Replies
Not sure if I did the right thing.  It is already done, but would love input for furture conflicts.

My son is 10, he is very bright and quick witted.  He is actually very very funny in an intellectual way and makes the adults crack up.  However, his quick wit is what is getting him into trouble with me.  He has not learned to filter yet.  So, he will pop one off at inappropriate times, or will make a joke that would be fine for an adult but would be disrespectful from a child (even though it is funny).  So on Tuesday he popped off again, and I took Wednesday away - completely.  It is spring break and he had all activities taken away....accept for reading.  Wouldn't you know it right after I punished him, his friends mom called to see if we could watch her son for Wednesday afternoon.

So here is what I did - I gave my son the choice of the original punishment with out his buddy coming over, or to have his buddy come over but he had to be my slave for the morning.  I had a list of 4 icky chores (like cleaning bird poop off the house) that he had to do.  He of course picked the slave bit.

So did I compromise my authority by changing mid-way through, or did I do ok by keeping consequences??
by on Apr. 13, 2007 at 12:15 PM
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by on Apr. 13, 2007 at 3:42 PM

I think you did OK.  Of course the most effective would have been to stick to your origional punishment, but would it have really been fair to punish his friend and friend's mom too?
  I don't know about you but I live about 2,000 miles from any relatives.  Friends that I trust to keep my boys for an afternoon are few. 

by on Apr. 13, 2007 at 8:00 PM
Sounds a bit like my oldest. Unfortunately, we have never really talked to our kids like kids. That's resulted in an impressive vocabulary and sparkling wit that may be out of place for their age. LOL

I don't think you compromised yourself at all. Everyone makes mistakes, it's fools that stay the course. You acknowledged that you may have made a snap judgement and offered an alternative while still giving consequences.
by on Apr. 13, 2007 at 11:46 PM
I think you did the right thing,  Because you gave him the chioce, which in turns is teaching him about chioces, maybe this way he will start catching on to the thinking that there are choice i life that we have to make every day and with these choices there are concequences. butin my opinion you did the right thing.
by on Apr. 14, 2007 at 8:25 AM
Sounds fine to me, you weren't aware that friends needed your help.  I think he still got the message.  A lot of parents wouldn't punish their child at all, kind of drop all charges a that point, so more power to you for sticking to your guns. 

(I have a son a lot like that, the teachers usually tell me it's very hard for them not to laugh!)Wink
by on Apr. 14, 2007 at 10:28 PM
I think you did a good job, from the post I think your son is looking for attention, One thing I would do is provide positive attention when he is doing something good like cleaning his room or doing something you ask him to without havign to ask several times, then ignor or don't laugh when he is telling jokes that are not appropriate, I believe in consequences of behavior, I use to be a Behavior Services Assistant, I have learned alot with working in the field, it works but takes patience and time, I always expect Please and Thank you out of my child and when other children are around I expect them to say it as well, even children who act like they have never heard that word begin to use it with me everytime just by ignoring their request unitl they use the magic words. My son will even remind his frineds to say it when asking me. I hope this helps and good luck.
by on Apr. 16, 2007 at 7:53 PM
I think you did ok although, consistency is best.  However, I  believe that negotiations & options are impowering & let maturing kids know that they too can make decisions about their fate.  I think this is especially important for when they become teenagers.  If they are used to a dictatorship, they may become lemmings and that is not a safe character quality in my opinion.
by on Apr. 19, 2007 at 9:27 AM
 I do that all the time with my children. You didn't compromise your authority at all, because you stuck by your decision to give a consequence for the action.  I think you did great! 
by on Apr. 19, 2007 at 5:13 PM
Ususally when I have to punish my kids I always give them a choice of "time lost" or "manual labor".  They usually try to manipulate thier way out of what what ever they choose, but if your consistant and follow through that's what really matters.  I think you did ok.
by on Apr. 19, 2007 at 5:19 PM
this is a hard one! i think i would have done the same as you. you gave the punishment, but then something came up...not your fault, or the fault of the other child or their mother. by being a good friend, you were about to help her out and still keep to *A* punishment. what could have been an issue was giving him the day off in trade for say Thursday. i think you chose wisely ;)
by on Apr. 22, 2007 at 11:24 AM
I personally don't think I would have given the option. Let the buddy come over, but keep the original punishment in place. Consistency is key.

But then again, I'm pretty strict!
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