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Phone vs Facebook

Posted by on May. 24, 2010 at 12:23 AM
  • 13 Replies

Wow, things have really changed when it comes to tween's communication. Used to be, you called a friend on the phone or you spoke to them in person. Now, my 12 yo dtr rarely speaks on the phone, but she is at the computer for hours every day. She is passionate about writing and spends alot of time writing stories and creating drawings. However, at any moment, she is also chatting with various friends via IM. It can be midnight and sure enough she'll be on and her friend will be on also. There is one in particular who seems to be on 24/7. You know, I would never think to allow her to be on the phone at midnight, but these IM conversations are always going on. I have talked with her tons about needing to be very careful what she puts out there in cyberspace and I do monitor her. Most of it is just innocent tween goofiness. The other part though is she is prone to have "crushes" which again, are innocent and tend to be on/off again at any moment. It just concerns me as far as the availability of chatting at any time regarding any random thoughts one might have. Anyone else have opinions/thoughts?  Thanks!

by on May. 24, 2010 at 12:23 AM
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by on May. 24, 2010 at 9:02 AM

I think setting boundaries is key . . . Heather has never wanted to sit at her computer for hours on end, but if she did we would set time limits.  Her big new way to stay in touch is texting.  We have rules about when her phone is off limits and when its bedtime the phone stays out of her rooom and out of temptation so it can charge.

by on May. 24, 2010 at 10:36 AM

My personal opinion is just as I don't spend the night on the phone or PC, I don't let my kids have those at night.   My feeling is that they should be sleeping at those hours, and I think there is more of a tendency to take inappropriate pictures or get dragged into inappropriate behaviour like sneaking out in the middle of the night.   I set few limits otherwise, as long as grades and behaviour are OK, but on school nights, no PC and the phones are charging by the door - and even on weekends, no phones and PCs in rooms when they are going to bed.

As far as the phone goes, if they don't leave it by the door when they go to bed, I take it away for one day... simple, but very efficient!  They are so used to having it, that even if they grumble about the rule, they don't take the risk of a day without the phone.

by on May. 24, 2010 at 10:46 AM

My daughter still has a bedtime - 9:00 on school nights and I usually let her stay up till 10:30 or so on weekends.  After her bedtime, she can watch DVDs in her room (she doesn't have cable), but other than that, no electronics.  Not only do I fear the staying up all night chatting or texting, but it seriously interferes with sleep b/c of the kids who don't have any boundaries and b/c it's overstimulating.

I think setting limits and sticking to them is the key.  Let her know what is allowed and expected and don't hesitate to take priviledges away if she abuses them.  And, definitely don't fall for the "but all my friends text/chat/whatever late at night, and I'll miss everything".  So what?  They shouldn't be and you are being a responsible Mom by not allowing your daughter to.  JMHO.

I had the same rule growing up, no telephone after 9 pm. 

by on May. 24, 2010 at 4:45 PM

 My kids are not allowed on network sites like facebook or myspace until they are at least 17. We have limits on computer time anyway and it's mostly used for school projects. We have a house phone they can use, since until they are old enough to get jobs a pay for a cell phone, they don't have one of those either.  There are also certain tiimes of the day where they cannot be on the phone like when doing homework or dinner time, and if chores are done first. This way I don't have issues of texting during dinner, not getting homework done or anything like that.

Diana, Proud Girlfriend of an Officer

by on May. 25, 2010 at 9:00 AM

my daughter is also Im or texting but I only allow it at certain times and DO NOT allow a computer in her room


by on May. 25, 2010 at 2:50 PM

We only have one main computer that she uses and it is in the kitchen. Either I or my husband is always around (and awake). She is only on real late on the weekends, when we are all up. Most of her time is spent seriously writing stories. She is very creatinve and always coming up with new ideas for characters, etc. She also enjoys the "drawing" features on the computer.

by Lorelai on May. 30, 2010 at 12:35 AM

 Alexis has a laptop--that was her father's (my ex) doing. And she has a cell w/texting, and a Facebook page. She is allowed only her real-life friends on FB, and her page is private...As far as computer time, she knows what the limits are. And, when I tell her it's time to get off, she'll pout for a sec but she does it without argument.

Boundaries are key here. Set time limits for computer time, and make sure she abides by them. Even on the weekend, midnight is awfully late for a 12yo to be online.

by on May. 30, 2010 at 12:57 AM

My daughter (11) has a cell, but we have disabled texting & picture messages on it. It's not that we don't trust her, we just don't want the tempation there.

Facebook is a no-no until she is AT LEAST 13. Those are the rules of FB and we refuse to lie about her age just so she can have an account.

Sure - you're thinking she could just make her own account & lie about her age. True, however the beauty of her email is that I have filters set up. Only approved people are allowed to email her. All other emails get bounced to ME! Therefore, I see what she's trying to sign up for.

Gmail has IM, but only my sister is on gmail, so that's the only person my DD can IM.

We limit the amount of time the kids spend on the computer daily. Right now, it's about 20 minutes a day. Now that school is out, it might be a little longer. But the computer is in the kitchen and they are not allowed on it past 7pm.

Hope that helps!


That's right.... I BLOG!!!!

by on Jun. 1, 2010 at 2:12 PM

Wow maybe your child knows my child! She live on the computer with her friends. It just seams to get later and later that she stay up talking to friends. I know this is a bad trend that I have to fix but I stay up late too working in my online business So I have to change my behavior before I can convenience her that my limits are fair. I have full access to her facebook and know all her friends.She has stronger boundries then me so I'm not too concerned about her having a facebook account and we have already talked about the dangers of the internet and what we do to keep our personal information private. So her real name is not on her facebook account or any personal information or personal pictures.

by on Jun. 1, 2010 at 7:12 PM

I agree with several posters here.

a) No internet in the bedroom - if it can be seen they will be more circumspect.

b) No tv in the bedroom. Would love to also say no computers, but some of the school textbooks are on cd-rom, and she prefers to do homework in her room. She gets really good marks, so can't really complain.

c) Your daughter sounds so much like mine, wondergirl, writing and drawing up a storm always, even though she is 14 now. When they have such a yen, they need an outlet for it. Limiting their creative time just frustrates them.

d) I am on her facebook, but I don't really look at what she is doing, because she tells me anyway.

e) Even though she ims most people, one friend is a phone person and they can spend an hour or two on the phone at a time, not everyday, tg.

f) Yes, I also work really late, but my point is she has school in the morning, so better get her duff into the bathroom and then to bed. Her brother finishes in the bathroom before 9:30, so then it is her turn. Doesn't always work but she tries to keep to it and we reinforce good habits work better.

Good luck


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