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Need Help with my almost 15 yr old? Im gonna lose my mind & patience

Posted by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:43 AM
  • 11 Replies

My ame is Shauna Im a 33 yr old mom of 3 kids ages 14 1/2, 10 1/2, & 8 1/2. I got divorced from their dad about 3 yrs ago. Wel e share custody they are with him a week & then me a week. It works out percectly like that & has for 3 yrs now. Well myoldest is a huge daddys girl (always has been) she is perfect when shes with him but when she comes home to my house shes a monster. She talks back to me & my boyfriend, she lies, she stole $25 from my boyfriend, shes mean to her brother & sister etc.. I dont know what else to do? I have punished her in every way, I tool a parenting class, I have had talks with her. Im at my wits end. She starts high school in  a month & Im affraid shes gonna get even more out of controll. I talk to her dad but he says she doesnt behave like taht athis house (he gives her anything she wants & she basically has no rules there) Please help me? Thanks for our time

Shauna

by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:43 AM
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Replies (1-10):
me4stepmom
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 1:06 PM

Does your ex believe you that she acts that way at your house?

EllieB83
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 1:40 PM

Maybe she doesn't need punished.  It could be that she is just acting out for the attention.  I would try to spend some one on one time with her daily and see what's up.  My kids aren't teenagers yet, but I remember being there not too long ago!  Just try going for a walk together or getting ice cream or going to the mall.  You might be surprised by how different she is.

girlsclubmom
by on Jul. 13, 2010 at 8:12 AM

You are in a tough spot and I do not think you can punish her out of this behavior. She needs to want to change. I agree with the women who said to spend some quality time with only her. Look for reasons to compliment her - try to make her want to please you. Best of luck!   

smsprice
by on Jul. 13, 2010 at 11:38 AM

I do try to spend 1 on 1 time with her. She will either listen to he ipod or text on her phone & when I take them away she wont say a word to me cause shes mad. I have done everything to make her happy. She tells her dad she hates me. I dont know if she blames me for the divorce or what. She knows that her dad had multiple affairs on me & then left us for the mistress ( hes marrying her in Sept) she looks at him like he is god! Hes never around he works all the time, so his girlfriend is the 1 that takes care of my kids. My other 2 kids dont like her at all. But myoldest thinks she the best. I dont get it, I have done everything for her & she still treats me aweful. 

smsprice
by on Jul. 13, 2010 at 11:40 AM

He has yelled at her for th way she talks to me but he tells me that its my problem to deal with espicially since she doest behave like that at his house

Quoting me4stepmom:

Does your ex believe you that she acts that way at your house?


girlsclubmom
by on Jul. 14, 2010 at 8:01 AM

Wow - it sounds like your dd may need some counseling. It can be confusing to the older girl when a father cheats like that. Sounds like she is blaming the victim here (you) - maybe being nasty to distance herself from you (subconsciously)so she is not rejected by hi. My friend is going through this with her 16 year old and through counseling that is what has come out.

 

smsprice
by on Jul. 14, 2010 at 12:41 PM

I keep asking my ex if we can put them in counceling & he says No that they are fine. I cant do it without his approval. He still likes to have the control in what goes on in all our lifes by using the kids

Quoting girlsclubmom:

Wow - it sounds like your dd may need some counseling. It can be confusing to the older girl when a father cheats like that. Sounds like she is blaming the victim here (you) - maybe being nasty to distance herself from you (subconsciously)so she is not rejected by hi. My friend is going through this with her 16 year old and through counseling that is what has come out.

 


GailMarkle
by on Jul. 14, 2010 at 4:05 PM

Wow!  I cannot tell you anything that hasn't been said already.  My thoughtsw are that she is just going through the rough teen years, the parents-are-so-embarrassing-and-uncool stage.  She isn't wanting to spend time with you.  It seems like you aren't doing anything wrong and there may not be a solution.  Keep doing what it is that you are doing.  She may surprise you when she gets older by thanking you. 

smsprice
by on Jul. 16, 2010 at 1:57 PM
Well yestrday she snapped! She got into a fight with her sister &grabbed her. I ran in there she tated yellng at me she treatend to hit me & run away. I had to do what was best. I sent her to live with her dad
EllieB83
by on Jul. 16, 2010 at 3:58 PM
Hmmmm...I just don't know. I am not sure what it is with guys and control, my ex is the same way! I think with all that has gone on between you and him, and with your daughter being aware of it, counseling might be the only way to get to her. It almost seems like she is punishing you and blaming you for the split and why he had an affair. I don't know what else would be causing her to act this way. What about when school starts again...maybe you could ask the school counselor to check on her? That way you probably wouldn't have to have his permission.
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