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Tween girls attitudes!

Posted by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 6:47 PM
  • 17 Replies

I seriously am at my wits end with my almost 12 yr old.  EVERY.SINGLE.WORD that comes out of her mouth to me is filled with venom.  Nothing is ever her fault and I am the devil.  I could ask her to pick her socks up out of the floor and it would be my fault they are there. 

We have grounded her, taken things away from her, put her in her room for the day and spanked her.  Nothing works with her.  I asked her today if she talked to her teachers like that and she said she didn't.  Her two favorite things to say to me lately are I'm sorry (when she is caught doing something she shouldn't be doing for the 100th time) and I don't know mom when asked why she is doing the same thing for the 100th time. 

What are some of your parenting tips?  She is a mostly A student (other grades are B's), never gets in trouble at school, has friends and is very social.  I am seriously at a loss as to what the heck to do here.  Why does parenting have to be so hard?! 

by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 6:47 PM
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by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 6:53 PM
My 12 yo dd has the same issues. I found out a lot of it stems from how her friends parents allow them to talk to them, they never get punished. Also, there is so much drama at school, its stressful and frustrating. Basically she brings her frustration home and takes it out on her family. When I finally sat down with her and told her I wasnt leaving till she told me what was going on, she broke down and cried and told me everything. I now have a queue for my dd, when she needs to vent and talk, she calls me into her room and it helps a lot.
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by on Sep. 29, 2010 at 12:21 AM

This age group (12-16) are a country all their own:)  No matter what you do or don't do it will always be wrong.

I am having similiar problems with my 12 year old daughter.  Most of our problems occur when it is bedtime.  She has a 930pm bedtime but by the time she gets up and down 50 times for this or that, says good nite and I love you or wants to sleep with me because she is lonely it is nearly midnite.  I have already screamed, grounded and taken away several things.  Just doesn't seem to faze her in the least.   If that were me and my mother I would have been looking at the business end of a broom handle.  My husband and I decided when we started our family that we would not beat on them like we were beat on by our parents.  

I just wish I had some answers myself.  Bless your heart.  Just keep on doing the best you know how, have faith and be patient. Other than that it is all luck:)

by on Sep. 29, 2010 at 8:20 AM

My daughter is the same age and the attitude is about the same. Lately I have been putting a damper on her social life. If you can't show respect when talking to me then NO you can't go hang out with your friends, sleep over or do anything fun until you learn to respect me. That quickly changed her whole attitude! Now don't get me wrong, she slips back from time to time but I quickly remind her and she's usually back on track quickly.

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by on Sep. 29, 2010 at 8:27 AM

My 11 year old is just starting with all of this.

by on Sep. 29, 2010 at 10:01 AM

I am spending today trying to find a parent/child contract and seeing if maybe that will help.  It will clearly outline how she is expected to behave and what will happen when she doesn't.  It will also outline her rights as our child (food, clothes, roof over her head, etc.) and some of her rights as she sees them (sister not being allowed in her room, being respected when respect is warranted, etc.).  I am also going to try to get her back in with her therapist.  She also has ADHD with impulse control issues and possibly ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) but at some point I wonder when the labeling goes too far you know?  I mean I could look over each mental/behavioural disorder and she could have several symptoms of each one but does that mean she really has it? 

by on Sep. 29, 2010 at 10:19 AM

 Have you tried mom and daughter day? To see if she is seeking out attention from you!

by on Sep. 29, 2010 at 10:24 AM

Yes I have.  I do this with both of my girls once a month.  The last m/d day for my tween was horseback riding which she LOVES.  She was an angel that day and then the next day right back to her antics. 


by on Sep. 29, 2010 at 1:49 PM
Draw up your own contract if you don't find one and specify what you expect. I usually tell my DD she's being rude and her attitude will not be tolerated and walk away. She usually apologizes almost immediatly after that
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by on Sep. 30, 2010 at 5:50 AM

Take a close look at who her friends are. It seems that behaviour like that at that age is pretty typical...but sometimes it gets reinforced by peers.

by on Oct. 1, 2010 at 7:05 AM

Oh, I hear you.  What comes out of my 12 yo dd's mouth lately is "I know Mom" or "I will, Mom" but so... sarcastically.  I wouldn't care if those words or any words WERE NOT SARCASTIC!  It' is infuriating, at the least.  We take her phone, DS, tv, computer all away at once (it doesn't help her if we just take ONE thing away as she says "Well, I still have my DS, etc. so they all go (all electronics.  She now doesn't get any back until we see a change in her ATTITUDE.  It's been 4 days now, going on 5.  We are seeing a slight change but I think it's so 'second nature' to her it's engrained so will take time.  I don't know but I do think HORMONES have something to do w/it as she just started her monthly 3 months ago and she's been worse.  Good luck!  Yes, parenting is hard at times, for sure!embarrassed

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