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Bullying? Any Suggestions? Not sure if I handled it right

Posted by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 7:07 AM
  • 13 Replies

So my DS is starting middle school next month.  He's more of a book kid than a sports kid.  He's smart and sarcastic.  He had some trouble with getting picked on last year.  I went on facebook yesterday and he was signed in.  I know, 11 is too young, but I know the password and I check his account everyday to see what he's doing on there.  Almost everyone in his class is on the site.  Anyway, I go on and the kid who he has known since kindergarten types on chat "do u no ur gay".  Now I know this kid.  He was always shy.  When he started scouts, my son helped him out a lot getting to know the other kids.  His mom is a PT teacher at the school.  I guess in the last year, he has gotten over the shyness and has been mean to a couple of kids. 

 

So I type,

did you know you could get reported for cyber bullying? This is xxx's mom. I could report this to facebook and your mother.  An apology is in order or I will report this post
 
He says Opps srry
 
I say"  it better not happen again.  Online or in school"
 
Again a sorry.  I said thank you, he said ur welcome.
 
So did I do the right thing intervening?  Should I just have let it go and l,et my son deal with it?  I feel like it was right, but I don't want them thinking mommy has to fight his battles.  HELP
 
 
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 7:07 AM
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Replies (1-10):
marsh48433
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 7:25 AM

That would of been hard but I think (because he's young enough) you did the right thing.  You may have stopped this boy in his tracks and hopefully he thinks twice about doing it again.  You may of not only helped your son but any other kid he was picking on.   Did you talk to your son about this?  He might get upset w/you but I still think you did the  right thing.

auroragold
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 7:44 AM

 I don't know if it's right/wrong or otherwise but think "in the moment" I would have done pretty much the same thing. You had a split decision to make and I think it was handled well.

As a PP asked, have you mentioned it to your son? I would...

KTMOM
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 8:05 AM

I probably would have done the same thing. 

blooize376
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 8:25 AM
I probably would have done it too ( my daughter called a felow classmate a jerk and I revoked her page) but at 11 make sure u talk to him about it bc they may just start saying stuff at school. If not the kid online someone else he knows who caught wind his "mommy"stuck up for him. I also have a son who is more the emotiional type, not too sporty, more a gamer and school smart, but already getting bullied by the neighborhood kids, I go right out in the street with the kids and call em on it , needless to say it has lessened
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Wyldbutterfly
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 9:10 AM

 Well, I know your gut instinct is to protect your child. However, me personally would not have handeld it via Facebook for all to see. I would have went directly to his Mom. Sadly, a lot of his friends and peers will see that and think "mommy is fighting his battles".

Please understand that I know exactly where you are coming from, from personal experience. It hurts and hurts deep to know someone is intentionally hurting our child.

marsh48433
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 9:42 AM


Quoting Wyldbutterfly:

 Well, I know your gut instinct is to protect your child. However, me personally would not have handeld it via Facebook for all to see. I would have went directly to his Mom. Sadly, a lot of his friends and peers will see that and think "mommy is fighting his battles".

Please understand that I know exactly where you are coming from, from personal experience. It hurts and hurts deep to know someone is intentionally hurting our child.

If I remember right and I may be wrong because I am not FB savvy......the "chat" window is private w/whomever you are chatting with.....so there maybe a possibility that it wasn't viewed by others, which is great!  Otherwise, you are right and this may cause more "bullying".

itsallabtthem84
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 12:06 PM


Quoting auroragold:

 I don't know if it's right/wrong or otherwise but think "in the moment" I would have done pretty much the same thing. You had a split decision to make and I think it was handled well.

As a PP asked, have you mentioned it to your son? I would...


jdrabbit01
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 2:42 PM

Thank you all for your feedback.  It was kind of a heat of the moment situation.  It was on chat, so only the boy and I could see the exchange.  And I did speak with my son.  He wanted to report him.  He's a strict by the rules kid, which is great, but gets him in trouble sometimes.  I said it was the first time he did it and I gave him the option to apologize, which he did.  I also told him if it happened again, online or at school, there would be consequences.  I know the kid and he's a little punk trying to fit in with the popular kids, so I'm pretty sure I squashed it.  It's a fine line with my son.  I want him to stand up for himself and talk to the teacher if need be, but sometimes he goes into tattling mode when it doesn't concern bullying or teasing.  He wanted to report a girl from his class for using the n-word on facebook.  While I definately don't agree with the use of the word, it's unfortunately kinda common in our area.  It wasn't being used to be mean to someone.  It was just a what's up type thing to one of her friends.  I felt like he should mind his business.  I used to be pretty good at this mom thing, but it's starting to get a little fuzzy as he gets older.

fineyouguyswin
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 7:48 PM

We all struggle as they get older :O)

TwinSoccerMom
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 8:08 PM

LOL! Great way to describe how I think most of us parents probably feel a lot of the time as we wade into the tween and teen years.

Quoting jdrabbit01:

  I used to be pretty good at this mom thing, but it's starting to get a little fuzzy as he gets older.


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