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Respect

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 7:40 AM
  • 11 Replies

I do not know how to get my daughter to show me more respect. 

My boss that I work for (in home daycare) told me that she did not like the way my daughter talks to me and she said that other parents have told her that too.  My daughter is not there that often and when she is there is when she walks to the daycare from school and then I take her home.  I was sad and embarrassed that my boss said that to me.  I was also a little angry because her third child (4 years old she has 2 older and one younger) does not always speak to me with respect. 

How do I get my daughter to show me more respect?  My daughter is a very open and honest person, and like me she "tells it like it is."  She really is a good kid but there are times when we "but heads."

What to do?

by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 7:40 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Zamaria
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 7:43 AM
Maybe explain to her that she is always welcome to voice her opinion, but she needs to watch her tone of voice and choose her words more carefully. How exactly is she being disrespectful?
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3gifts.from.god
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 3:49 PM

 I tell my kids they get 1 re-do per conversation. When they get sassy or disrespectful, I say re-do, or try again. They know that's the signal that they have crossed the line. They actually have to re-state whatever it was they were saying to me or I walk away. You really need to think about where that "line" is for you, and make sure the kids know not to cross it. And then of course, just know they are going to, over and over and over again. I am pretty sure this is a lesson that takes 10 years or more to teach though, so hold on and go for the ride..

SuperLooneyMom
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 3:59 PM
I am the wrong role model of a mom to correct any disrespectful behavior. My ds did that crap two nights ago and I straigtened his butt out. I sternly remind my kids they will not talk to me they way they do. They will obey and listen to what I say and request. Anytime they get out of line the corner is my first option then I spank. I don't recommend that to any other kids. It's just how I have to deal with my kids. As I said tho I am not a model mom for discipline.
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RayneofTerror
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 10:18 PM

perhaps sit down with her and say that you are always willing to listen to wot she has to say if it is said in the proper tone at the appropriate time. explain that in life she will not be taken seriously by anyone if she can't learn to control her tongue and learn social niceties. 

hollydaze1974
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 10:36 PM
Wow, I think I'd be more pissed at my boss for telling me I don't have control of my daughter when she trusts you to take care of other children! Do YOU feel she treats you appropriately? All parent/child relationships are different. I taught sarcasm to mine really early and someone who overheard us might hear disrespect, I hear witty reportiore.
IMO, if you feel comfortable with your honest, tell it like it is lil girl, then it isn't you who has the issue. It's your nosy boss.

Take a week or two and really listen to her, see if you hear disrespect or simply an overly honest child.
tobemomofthree
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 10:38 PM
Do you have an example of how she has been disrepectful recently that would have brought this to your bosses attention? I always tell my kids it's not WHAT YOU SAY, IT'S HOW YOU SAY IT. like your daughter, my son is very open with me, but he knows that bridge is only open if he has chosen the right way to say it.
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RayneofTerror
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 2:39 AM

i like how you think lady :D 


my kids and i call eachother buttface and stuff and say eachother smells. it's how we love on one another. it works for us. but other people think it is rude and disrespectful when we say crap like that to eachother. 

Quoting hollydaze1974:

Wow, I think I'd be more pissed at my boss for telling me I don't have control of my daughter when she trusts you to take care of other children! Do YOU feel she treats you appropriately? All parent/child relationships are different. I taught sarcasm to mine really early and someone who overheard us might hear disrespect, I hear witty reportiore.
IMO, if you feel comfortable with your honest, tell it like it is lil girl, then it isn't you who has the issue. It's your nosy boss.

Take a week or two and really listen to her, see if you hear disrespect or simply an overly honest child.


lilysmom606
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 7:42 AM

A huge thank you to everyone.  I am going to take some of the suggestions, such as saying to her to re-do her conversation.

 

Yes, I am pissed off at my boss.  My daughter and I are sarcastic to one another but we do not mean it. 

I do not tell me boss how to correct her children when her thrid child is disrespectful.  I just think to myself that this is her problem.

Yesterday, my daughter came to their house and my boss saw that I had colored my daughter's hair and she was wearing a shirt off to the shoulder with a tank top showing (reminds me of flash dance).  My boss immediately commented on her hair and I told her I colored it temporarily and then I am going to have chunks of color put in later.  I thought she was going to explode.  

Hair does not bother me, since my daughter lost her hair several times due to cancer, chemo and radiation.  My boss knows this but she seems very judgmental of me.  I do not say anything about her life stlye and messy house. 

I know she is going to say something today about my daughter's hair and cloths and I choose to ignore it and be there to care for the children at daycare.   I amc convinced that she has the problem.

KTMOM
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 7:53 AM

Telling it like it is, to a parent, in a disrespectful or inappropriate way, is definitely not OK.  I would make sure that there are consequences for being blatantly rude, and be consistent about requiring respect in how she speaks.  ALL kids can get sassy at times,  I get it, but we do not have to allow it, because it will get even worse as they get to teenage years.

BatGirl33
by on Nov. 14, 2011 at 2:21 PM

You know, there is an argument to be made here, on ALL sides. I have precocious children myself. At times, kids will say things others may not like. I personally think its a matter of requesting that your children respect you, in manner, in tone, and in deed. I think the most important of these are that your kids respect you in deed. My children are welcome to voice their own opinions, but when I speak they understand innately I mean business. I don't know what your daughter is/ or has said that your boss may be referring to, but if it is something derrogatory about you, your workplace, or another person perhaps this could be an opportunity to point out to your daughter this is hurtful, etc. Otherwise, I would kindly ask my daughter to speak to me more "privately" about her thoughts and feelings. I would not openly accept a comment like this from another individual other than to say something very brief, like.. " Thank you for telling me you feel this way." I would not acknowledge any fault here.  I have a rule with my children, we are allowed to be honest, and respectful but we don't want to hurt another person with our words. Words have power, and kids model what they're hearing, let your kids as well as mine hear honest, and gentle words whenever possible.

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