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Tween Titans Tween Titans

11 year olds and dating

Posted by on Jan. 6, 2012 at 7:33 PM
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My son is 11 years old.  In just the past week, a 12 year old girl has begun to text my phone in order to talk to my son.  He gave her my #.  Now he's beginning to text with her everyday.  The kids at his school say they have a boyfriend/girlfriend if they just like the person.  What do you think about dating/boyfriends/girlfriends in the tween years?  I feel overwhelmed.  My mommy instinct wants to lock him in his room.  My husband and I want him to be honest and open with us and we know that liking girls is a natural part of growing up.  However, I feel a like I want to say that dating and having a girlfriend is off limits at this age.  Do you think this is being too strict or may encourage him to be sneaky and keep things behind my back?  Looking for advice...

 

by on Jan. 6, 2012 at 7:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
LisaMarie27
by on Jan. 6, 2012 at 11:16 PM
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Well, when you say dating 11 is defiantly too young. But if they are just boyfriend/girlfriend at shool and texting a little I think it's fine. I tell my 12yo DD she can have all the at school boyfriends she wants.. Long as it's just at school :-P
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Wyldbutterfly
by on Jan. 6, 2012 at 11:29 PM
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Personally, I think it's too young.

vermontmoms
by on Jan. 6, 2012 at 11:43 PM
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Personally, I think 11 is too young but my boys are only 8 so we haven't faced this yet. 

My initial reaction would be rip him out of school and lock him in his room for years but the more rational side thinks this maybe pretty normal behavior for that age. 

graycalico
by on Jan. 7, 2012 at 4:42 AM
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Too young for dating, but flirtiness is bound to start. My dd is twelve and acts like she still thinks boys have cooties. Fine by me, but I wonder how she is at school. Lol
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hkfan
by on Jan. 7, 2012 at 7:38 AM
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11 yrs old is junior high around here. I don't necessarily agree with dating at 11 but I don't consider talking on the phone and at school dating. Dating to me is leaving the house with a person you are interested in to do something together. If my 11 yr old son wants to have a school girlfriend.... I'm not going to fight it. A talk may be in order but I tend to pick my battles.

Lorelai_Nicole
by Lorelai on Jan. 7, 2012 at 7:43 AM
1 mom liked this
My oldest dd is 12 and in 8th grade. She doesn't "date" but she does say that she wants to go to the Valentine Dance with a boy. They're daytime dances and the teachers chaperone, so I told her it was okay.

Dating at 11 is definitely too young. However, texting and calling each other bf/gf is not that big of a deal, and pretty common for that age.
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LizS84
by on Jan. 7, 2012 at 9:09 AM
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I don't think its a big deal if its just at school.  My son is 8, and that goes on at his school too.  He tells the ladies that he doesn't want to settle down just yet.  ;)  They're after him, though. 

I wouldn't let an 11 year old go out on a date, though.  I think 9th grade, or about age 14 would be the youngest that I would want him going 'out' on a 'date'. ;)

Strega
by on Jan. 7, 2012 at 9:11 AM
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I agree.

When I was in School "Going Out" was just saying you're Boyfriend/Girlfriend. I'm sure times have changed a bit since then, but our Daughter would come all the time last year talking about her 2 Boyfriends.

I think 11 is too young to actually go out on dates. If my Husband has his way, our Girl will never, ever date.

Quoting LizS84:

I don't think its a big deal if its just at school.  My son is 8, and that goes on at his school too.  He tells the ladies that he doesn't want to settle down just yet.  ;)  They're after him, though. 

I wouldn't let an 11 year old go out on a date, though.  I think 9th grade, or about age 14 would be the youngest that I would want him going 'out' on a 'date'. ;)



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Micky120
by on Jan. 7, 2012 at 9:45 AM
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Quoting hkfan:

11 yrs old is junior high around here. I don't necessarily agree with dating at 11 but I don't consider talking on the phone and at school dating. Dating to me is leaving the house with a person you are interested in to do something together. If my 11 yr old son wants to have a school girlfriend.... I'm not going to fight it. A talk may be in order but I tend to pick my battles.

It seems the norm now at this age that there are "school bf/gf"....my DD asked if she could have a "bf" and I almost drove into a tree....but I am o.k. with it being just at school and just texting.  I had said before with DH, no way no dating until she is 16, etc...my protective mama gorilla inside-but that was before I was in this situation and hkfan has it right, I will pick my battles.  This is going on at this age and if I tried to forbid it altogether it would probably encourage lies, hiding, mistrust. 

My DD is well supervised, she does not go to mall, movies, or dropped off anywhere with just friends and no parent and is also involved in a lot of extra curricular activities so she is busy.  There are other parents in our town that are not as strict or careful as we are.  I know (from monitoring txts/fb) that other girls LIE to their parents and have "bf" and actually scheme with each other girls to go to parks, movies, stay after school for "help"  etc together and then group of boys will plan to meet them there.  What kind of pattern does this set for future for those girls and families?  I am proud that DD came to me and we have communication and the opportunity to talk about things as she "gets her feet wet" so to speak. 

I completely understand the overwhelmed feeling and the desire to lock them in their rooms :) so my advice for what it is worth is let them be school bf/gf, set limits and monitor the situation and pat yourself on the back for raising a DS that feels he can come to you and be honest and open  (just curious, does the girls mother know she is texting your son?)

Cindy18
by on Jan. 7, 2012 at 9:48 AM
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At that age, I think the kids refer to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend when they both "like" each other. I do think it's too young to really have a girlfriend.

Just me, but I also wouldn't like this girl texting my phone. Do you have a house phone that they can use to talk? I know it's not cool to talk on the phone anymore but if he doesn't have a cell phone then that would be it for my house.

Real dating is more appropriate at about 14-15, IMO.

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