Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Tween Titans Tween Titans

all about chores

Posted by on Mar. 2, 2012 at 7:08 AM
  • 11 Replies

i have a chore chart system for my SD 12 and DD 5 its basically what needs to be done everyday for example

Sd is .....brush teeth 2xs.....read 30min....homework/study (if any)....shower....make bed/get bookbag ready for next day/lay out clothes for next day....Daily chore (sweep kitchen floor) and rinse all dishes and put in soapy water....and wednesday she has to pick up the dog poop and take out the garbage. All has to be done by 8 (except reading at 9)

DD is...brush teeth 2xs....read...homework....get ready for school in 15min....eat breakfast 15min....daily chore (which is my choice usually shoehallway or bathroom) and wipe down kitchen table/chairs.

plus they both have to clean up their rooms and take stuff that is theirs upstairs.....SD has to do her own laundry and put away...DD has to help with her laundry on weekends

if stuff doesnt get done they get an X. If they get more than 1 .X a week per item they get a sad face at the end of the week they are aloud 1 sad face each week. At the end of 2 weeks if they only had 1 sad face or less each week they get to pick a small prize from the prize box (SD hasnt recieved any prizes since school started....DD gets 1 every 2 weeks)

I have now added that if they have any Xs for the day then they dont get lunch/after dinner snacks the following day. If they have enough energy to run around and play they can take 5min to do their chore. But on top of that the stuff has to be done right to get a check.

SD is very lazy and does half ass at everything so im TRYING to get her out of that.  Like last night she claimed she swept the kitchen floor (keep in mind i cant watch them do their chores everynight i have a 6month old and 2 yr old as well) i told her theres no way so of course she starts with the attitude cause she wants her snack but i said no its an X (i have given chance after chance for 3weeks now for her to get this right)i then swept the floor and got a big pile of kitchen floor crap lol so she got an X

I also have a star system that i choose how many stars for the month like last month was earn 20 stars get the prize (usually something $5 or under or a special treat out with me) i choose when to give the stars it could be anything from helping me around the house, to helping with the baby/2yr old while i cook dinner, to getting good grades, or being kind and helpful to someone else, getting good reports from teachers etc. Once again DD always gets the prize and SD got it once but thats cause i basically gave it to her (the prize was disney on ice tickets were bought so didnt have a choice) i guess im just trying to get her to stop being so lazy and actually try at life.

Am i asking to much? its not like i dont say/remind ok get your chores/stuff done....she wants to do her things on her time which is fine but have it done by 8 (which is bedtime for the younger 2) and its fine but she just wants to play play play....my DD is 10xs more responisable than she is half the time i dont have to remind her to do her stuff.

i didnt have chores growing up if something was asked to be done you did it. But also i have 4bros. and 1sis. im the only one who turned out to be responisble and not lazy and not depending on my parents and im the 2nd youngest at 28.

so i guess what im asking is am i asking to much? any ideas? and do you give your kids chores?

thanks

 

by on Mar. 2, 2012 at 7:08 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Zamaria
by Silver Member on Mar. 2, 2012 at 8:48 AM
My kids have chores except my 1 year old, and I'm teaching him. I don't think you're asking too much. I think you should make your SD do the chores that she didn't do right again and again until they are done right. My SS used to do the same thing. He has to wash dishes on the nights that I work. If there are dirty dishes in the cabinet the next morning when I get home, he washes them again, plus any dishes that the dirty ones have touched. Sometimes that's almost every dish in the cabinet. He got the point after a few times. For sweeping the floor, if she can't do it right the first time I would make her do it again. If she really is trying and just isn't very good at it, have her run the vacuum cleaner over it after she sweeps. It'll take her a little longer, but at least it gets it done.
That being said, the chart system seems a little complicated. Not trying to criticize, but maybe if you simplified it it would help. Idk how long your SD has lived with you, but I know my SS has been here since he was 6. He's 13 now. We are still trying to overcome bad habits he learned from his BM. He requires more positive reinforcement than the other kids do. He tends to give up very quickly. If he messes up one time, he just doesn't even try anymore. I would suggest that you make your prize system a weekly thing. Two weeks may be a little long for some kids. I would suggest that maybe you get some 1$ items like lip gloss, nail polish, cute notepads, pens, etc. and let your SD choose from those items weekly instead of the 5$ items bi-weekly if she earns them. And your DD too of course. It wouldn't be fair for SD to get one weekly and DD only bi-weekly. And then maybe have a monthly prize if they earn their weekly prize 2-3 times that month. Also encourage her when she does do something right. You probably already do that. It's something I had to learn to do though. I didn't praise my SS enough for doing things the right way because I just expected it to be done right. He needed the praise though. He is dealing with low self esteem because he feels like his BM rejected him. I wonder if maybe your SD is feeling the same way? Step kids can be tough! Mine can be exceptionally lazy too. He always has been, so I know it isn't just because of his age. That's all the suggestions I can think of. Good luck!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
auroragold
by on Mar. 2, 2012 at 10:56 AM

Doesn't sound like too much --  but perhaps stop comparing the two children. No two kids are alike (of course you know that) - and even growing up in the same household with the same parents and the same rules doesn't make them react and respond the same way.

Think about your own siblings and how similar/different you are.


So - is it too much?  Personally, I don't think so.


I'm not big on having "snacks" be a reward, but that's just me. My DD eats lots of little meals so depriving her of a "snack" means she'll be hungry. Of course those snacks are not "treats" either (candy, cookies, etc.)



As for the thoroughness of the chores, have you worked with her on it so that they meet your expectations? I learned (the hard way) that MY idea of a "clean room" and DD's idea of a "clean room" were two different things!  We had to have a meeting of the minds on it.


BTW - it was the same with me and DH when it came to cleaning!


Just some things to think about

steelcrazy
by Silver Member on Mar. 2, 2012 at 11:14 AM

What Rora said.  lol

Also remember that what a 5 year old thinks is an awesome prize a 12 year old will most likely find lame.  You can't expect the same things from both of them and you shouldn't reward them in the same way either.  Besides being different people, there is a huge age difference there.  Find out what the 12 year olds commodity is, and use it.  Would she like more computer/video game time, having a friend over for the afternoon on the weekend, more phone time?

tomsjennabean
by on Mar. 2, 2012 at 11:16 AM

the snacks they dont get are like junk ice cream...candy ...cookies etc. .....if they get the x's they could have like fruit...veggie sticks....grahm crackers etc.....but SD loves candy and thats really the only thing i have control of to take away.

I have had talks and showed her how to do these chores.

 

Also the chore chart might sound complicated but it really isnt.....SD just needs everything written down...like if i say go clean your room she doesnt know what to do so i have to list the stuff that needs done...like pick up dirty clothes/put in laundry basket...make bed...pick up toys and put away etc.. Same with school work if she doesnt have homework she doesnt understand that studying is homework too thats why she has read/homework/study.

I have also tried the weekly rewards but DD was the only one getting them and i felt bad for SD for not getting them...But at the same time its not FAIR to DD if shes doing what shes supposed to be doing and SD isnt but gets a "prize" anyway.....Thats not how life is you have to work hard to get what you want.  When she does a good job i tell her good job but im not gonna say it if its not a good job....She does redo it when its a bad job.

tomsjennabean
by on Mar. 2, 2012 at 11:19 AM

we dont really limit tv ...computer..phone time...she has different prize than DD stuff she likes nail polish etc..

 

psych_mom
by on Mar. 2, 2012 at 3:42 PM

I would start limiting things like computer, phone and things like that instead of taking food away. At her age she probably needs to have those snacks because her body is growing and requires extra energy coming in. If she is still requiring that you write everything down or show her every little thing there could be a couple of things going on- A) she may be doing it because it requires you to spend extra time with her and this is not uncommon in children that have gone through a divorce and no longer live with their birth mother B) she may need counseling to deal with the fact that she is not with her bm anymore because it could be effecting her in her every day life and it is manefesting itself in this small things, C) she could have a learning disability that goes beyond just her being lazy. Don't just write it off as her being lazy because even lazy kids at the age of 12 can generally get most of these things done without a parent having to give them in depth directions everytime.

mels712
by on Mar. 2, 2012 at 10:31 PM

my kids have chores even more than yours do. they each clean the bathroom 1time each week (cause they pee on the floor) they take turns doing dishes and trash. they also take turns wiping the counters and sweeping the floor. my 12yo is lazy an halfasses his chores all the time. my 9yo asd is usually pretty good when I can get him focused. obviously I expect higher quality work from the older one. many children dont have to do chores and my kids think its so horrible that they have to. I think that 12yo ar kinda lazy when it comes to what parents want themto do

hollydaze1974
by on Mar. 3, 2012 at 12:46 AM
Honestly, I hate charts,never had them, never used them and chores still get done. I'm more of a sticky sweet kind I guess. I have a 12 yr old who does what's asked (although I do have to ask everyday) I have an 18 mo old, as well. Tweens, chores actually get done faster so he can hang with lil bro.
Good luck
tomsjennabean
by on Mar. 3, 2012 at 4:51 AM

like i had already said im not starving the kid....its not "food" im taking away its treats as in junk food as in candy or ice cream (honestly i dont think its gonna kill her a couple days a week not to have junk food) she still gets snacks they just have to be healthly snacks.

I do try to spend time alone time with her and we used to have a great relationship before she started this school year with such an attitude. Im not her mother i could choose not to put up with it i dont put up with it from my kids what makes her any different.

As of her being lazy i know why she is.....We just got custody of her 3yrs ago before that she was living with BM and BM is so lazy she never had a job....never cleaned the house and actually SD lived with her great grandma we basically gave BM a lot of money so she would sign over custody. SD goes and spends the summers with BM so by the time she gets back for the school year its like we have to retrain her on EVERYTHING from showering nightly..brushing teeth..and "chores" and we have been going through this every school year.

As to limiting computer/tv/phone time i dont see the point....she does have to ask before going on the computer...she doesnt have a cell phone so any phone calls are in the living room and the tv is on most of the day mostly for background noise. I mean if shes on the computer i do make her get off after an hour for a little bit but then she could go back on same with my DD. And they really arnt on that much anyways to take it away from them.

dazguti
by on Mar. 3, 2012 at 11:11 AM

I agree with a couple of previous posters...the method/incentives need to be vastly different for the two.  I have 5 boys ages 5 months to 13 years and everything in between lol... And what works to motivate one does not work for the other.  For the 13 year old, he cannot enjoy any privileges until chores are done for the day. Privileges include games, computer, t.v., playing outside, etc.  So he pretty much wants to get them done so he can have his free time.  The little charts and prize boxes stopped motivating him at around age 7 or 8.  As far as you requiring too much of them, no, I don't think you are.  

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN