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11yo talking about sex on cell phone?

Posted by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 10:28 AM
  • 270 Replies
1 mom liked this

I have talked to my 11 year old daughter about sex before. About abstinance, disease, pregnancy and all that, but the other day, i saw a text on her phone that made me realize that that her and a boy were having a conversation about sex, and i'm having a hard time with what i should say to her about it. I asked her what the conversation was about, and she told me that this boy told her that he had been having "wierd" thoughts about her, like of them making out and stuff. She says she has not done anything, but i am looking for advise about what to say to her, how to react without overreacting. She is my only child, so i haven't had to deal with anything like this before...HELP!

 

by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 10:28 AM
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Replies (1-10):
psych_mom
by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 10:39 AM
50 moms liked this

First of all, I think that I would take the cell phone for a while. You need to talk to her about sex on more than one occasion. You don't just talk about it and let it go. You need to talk to her about what the boy said and how it made her feel and how she responded. If she was responding back to it you need to ask her why. By letting her keep the phone you are letting her keep the conversation going with the boy, but you aren't keeping the conversation going with her.

styler7
by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 10:55 AM
7 moms liked this

 My sons grandma bought him cell phone. 2 days after getting it, I saw texts like this. First thing I did was took the phone away. It's been 4 months and I'm not giving it back. We had all the talks with him, and continue to do it on a regular basis.

This is part of growing up that I'm sooo not fond of.

mom22tumblebugs
by Member on Apr. 18, 2012 at 11:16 AM
16 moms liked this

The boy is trying to say he is attracted to her. 

Tell her to change the subject and text about something else.

Barabell
by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 11:21 AM
31 moms liked this

Ack! It's a hard spot. How did you see the message? Did she share it with you? If not, then I think you should talk about your texting expectations (repeat it if it's been discussed before) and then take the phone away for awhile. If she brought it to you, I would not take the phone away. I'd try to support her through handling advances like that appropriately.

Given that I have a son, I would want to know if my child was texting things like that. If you know the boy's parents, I would consider saying something to them about this situation.

STKsMomma
by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 3:18 PM
12 moms liked this
I have to agree with Barabell, if she brought it to you and then you take her phone away as a punishment it would be a quick way to insure she quits telling you stuff. But other wise the phone needs to be taken away for a while.

Quoting Barabell:

Ack! It's a hard spot. How did you see the message? Did she share it with you? If not, then I think you should talk about your texting expectations (repeat it if it's been discussed before) and then take the phone away for awhile. If she brought it to you, I would not take the phone away. I'd try to support her through handling advances like that appropriately.

Given that I have a son, I would want to know if my child was texting things like that. If you know the boy's parents, I would consider saying something to them about this situation.

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mommaof4girlys
by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 7:23 PM

I honestly don't care if my girls talk lovey dovey type stuff to boys. But, sex, heck no. I would take the phone away & talk to her about it.

psych_mom
by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 8:11 PM
7 moms liked this

How is that going to solve the problem of the boy? I remember boys getting pushy if you ignored things like that.

Quoting mom22tumblebugs:

The boy is trying to say he is attracted to her. 

Tell her to change the subject and text about something else.


becky8431
by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 11:26 PM
5 moms liked this

The text was from the boy to her. She had not responded to the text. I don't think taking the phone is the answer, as it was not her sending the text. I do monitor her texts regularly, and this is the first time the subject of sex has come up. we have talks all the time about sex and relationships. My daughter is a very sociable and flirty girl so i always feel the need to remind her that she is only 11 and way too young to be having "serious"relationships with boys. I will talk to her more about proper texting, but on the other hand, if she is not texting about it does not mean she isn't talking about it in person. SCARY!

psych_mom
by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 11:33 PM
15 moms liked this

Thank you for the clarification. You should still talk to her about how the text made her feel and things of that nature and let her know that it is okay to text back and tell the boy that she does not want to talk about that and that she will not talk about sexual things with him. She needs to know now how to set boundaries with boys.

Quoting becky8431:

The text was from the boy to her. She had not responded to the text. I don't think taking the phone is the answer, as it was not her sending the text. I do monitor her texts regularly, and this is the first time the subject of sex has come up. we have talks all the time about sex and relationships. My daughter is a very sociable and flirty girl so i always feel the need to remind her that she is only 11 and way too young to be having "serious"relationships with boys. I will talk to her more about proper texting, but on the other hand, if she is not texting about it does not mean she isn't talking about it in person. SCARY!


raven1114
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 2:36 AM

If he was texting her those messages and she wasn't responding in kind then I would talk with her about this. Tell her what kind of texting you consider acceptable and what kind you do not. That if someone sends her a message like that again she is not to respond but is to show the message to you. I would also let the boys parents know what kind of messages he is sending to your daughter so that they can talk with him as well. Do you know how old this boy is?

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