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Tween Titans Tween Titans

11yo talking about sex on cell phone?

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I have talked to my 11 year old daughter about sex before. About abstinance, disease, pregnancy and all that, but the other day, i saw a text on her phone that made me realize that that her and a boy were having a conversation about sex, and i'm having a hard time with what i should say to her about it. I asked her what the conversation was about, and she told me that this boy told her that he had been having "wierd" thoughts about her, like of them making out and stuff. She says she has not done anything, but i am looking for advise about what to say to her, how to react without overreacting. She is my only child, so i haven't had to deal with anything like this before...HELP!

 

by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 10:28 AM
Replies (31-40):
luvmytwins2
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 1:25 AM
2 moms liked this

what bothers me is she said her daughter is "flirty"....at 11?!

acanadianmomma
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 2:48 AM

Take the phone for a bit and tell her that shes too young to know what respect is for herself. Tell her she will thank you in the end and that this boy should not be allowed to talk to her that way, that she should understand her worth! Tell her it's normal. Tell her to save it, and save herself- that those kinds of conversations are much nicer with someone who loves her.

bgsharrett
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 2:55 AM
3 moms liked this
Why does your 11 year old have a cell phone?
SimplyErathy
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 3:39 AM

i dont have a tween (saw it on the big news headline thingy) but it wasent to long ago i was her age (im 22 now with 2 kids...so yea).

first just be open about it with her. let her know this is not aceptable and if it makes her feel uncomfortable she needs to speak up for herself and tell this boy how it is. remind her that if he gets upset then hes not worth the trouble. have the sex convo often. and honestly i know some might not agree but i would let her watch an epi of 16& pregnant....im pretty sure that would seal the deal. if i had seen that before haveing kids i would not be on cm right now! although my life has been pretty easy and my and hubs are still together. its rarely the case. :) let her know its ok to have feelings but acting on them is totally diffrent and can and will change her life. even without getting pregnant or something it will change her veiw of the world. good luck! im scared for the tween age.....

SimplyErathy
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 3:41 AM
1 mom liked this

you would be surprised sadly :/ when i was even 8 other kids in my class were very sexually open, they would make out, flirt, whatever you name it...and this was back in 1998..

Quoting luvmytwins2:

what bothers me is she said her daughter is "flirty"....at 11?!


wolvesfire
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 4:30 AM
This is normal now. Kids are learning about and trying out sex younger and younger (and I'm only 25 but have a 12 year old sister I worry about who is in 6th grade who also has a boyfriend since 5th which I don't agree with). Take your daughter's phone away for starters. Talk with her and the boy's mother about the inappropriate behavior. Maybe ground her for a while until she learns that is not acceptable. Tell her about all the kids who get charged with porn for 'sexting' each other.
MamaDee83
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 6:54 AM
3 moms liked this
I'm asking this question because I'm legitimately curious ... Do 11 year olds normally have cell phones now? My oldest isn't in kindergarten yet, so I'm out of the preteen loop. Why do they need one at that age?
SunshneDaydream
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 7:19 AM
1 mom liked this

Wait, was the text about sex or just making out?  I'm confused.  It's totally normal for 11-yr olds to start thinking about kissing and dating.  It doesn't neccessarily mean they're ready for sex.  I had "boyfriends" and was kissing and "making out" loooong before I was ready for sex.  I knew there was a line I wasn't willing to cross.  It's probably more innocent than you think. 

SunshneDaydream
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 7:20 AM
1 mom liked this

That being said ^ I don't agree with kids having phones that young.  But I don't have a "tween" yet (I'm not in this group) so I guess I shouldn't have an opinion on that yet...

nebraskamomto2
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 7:34 AM
3 moms liked this

 My 11 yr old son was having inappropriate conversations also and I first of all, took the phone.  My kids have one because their Dad and I are divorced, so they take the phone back and forth.  But otherwise, they don't need to be texting all the time.  I'd also go into your cell account and block the numbers of people that are being inappropriate.  Our job as parents is a lot more difficult with all the added forms of communicating that we didn't have as kids.  We have to stay on top of things and not be naive.  My son said I was invading his privacy by checking the cell phone.  I laughed and said until you are 18 and move out of my home, you ARE 100% my business and responsibility, so I will always be making sure I'm aware of what's going on in you life : )  Also....I'd be having the birds and bees chat with your dd...it's time.

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