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11yo talking about sex on cell phone?

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I have talked to my 11 year old daughter about sex before. About abstinance, disease, pregnancy and all that, but the other day, i saw a text on her phone that made me realize that that her and a boy were having a conversation about sex, and i'm having a hard time with what i should say to her about it. I asked her what the conversation was about, and she told me that this boy told her that he had been having "wierd" thoughts about her, like of them making out and stuff. She says she has not done anything, but i am looking for advise about what to say to her, how to react without overreacting. She is my only child, so i haven't had to deal with anything like this before...HELP!


by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 10:28 AM
Replies (261-270):
by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 8:41 AM
1 mom liked this

My daughter is also 11 and quickly becoming a text fiend. We take the phone away at 8:30 and Daddy reviews the messages. It basically is teaching her, don't text anything you dont want your father to read. 

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 2:25 AM

Quoting Barabell:

Ack! It's a hard spot. How did you see the message? Did she share it with you? If not, then I think you should talk about your texting expectations (repeat it if it's been discussed before) and then take the phone away for awhile. If she brought it to you, I would not take the phone away. I'd try to support her through handling advances like that appropriately.

Given that I have a son, I would want to know if my child was texting things like that. If you know the boy's parents, I would consider saying something to them about this situation.

  absolutely, I have three sons and I would definitely want to know about something like this because it would not be right for him to say those types of things to a girl.   I know that is can be scary to talk to another parent abbout something their child might have done but simply strike up a conversation (non threatening) and talk about how you both deal with kids using cellphones and then move into the direction of what needs to be dealt with.   It is hard to be on either end.  Share with them that you took her cellphone away while you discussed these issues with her as well so they do not feel like you are accusing their son of doing something wrong, simply inappropriate for their age.  Good luck.

I love my boys

  boy kissing mom                                        



by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 9:49 AM

When my daughter and a young man starting talking about dreaming of each other and  him dreaming of having sex with her, I call the young man.  I told him that they both too young to discuss these kinds of things.  That he was to not talk to my daughter any longer on her phone.  I toke her phone from her for several months and we discussed when these kinds of conversation could lead too.  Open communication with your children is the best matter.

by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 8:40 AM
My son is 14, his father an I live apart so know matter who's house he is at we are all over his Facebook and cell phone. He's more into sports and thinking about collage but can still never be to careful. We once seen how mean he was being to a girl and we made him publicly apologize to her and call her to apologize. Kids can be so mean but we made sure to deal with the problem as we both have girls and how they would feel.I know I'm a bit off subject but you have to be all over your kids to make sure they are doing what they should be to grow up to be respectable adults.
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by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 11:25 AM

My opinion:

1- Texting at 11 yrs. of age is too young. It should be only allowed for family at this age and perhaps one or two CLOSE friends of the same sex.

2- Who is this boy? Do you know him and/or his parents? Do you know his age?

Why do I say texting at 11 to friends is too young? Because of these exact issues. The maturity is not there to deal with the incoming texts that may come up (such as this).  Not only that, but texting at this young age opens doors and may set up unsafe situations that a younger, more vulnerable child may not recognize or know what to do with the information.

Consider this: What is the purpose of texting? For an emergency situation? To talk to parents immediately when speaking won't do? Or to be more popular because everyone else is doing it and it's cool? Know the goal you have set in place and be clear to that expectation to your child.

I would NOT take the cell phone texting away- that would imply a consequence or punishment for having done something wrong. Was your dd a contributor of this discussion or on the recieving end? You need to get the details. It could be she was so shocked that she did not know how to respond- and therefore did nothing. (said nothing).Why punish a confused child who was in an uncomfortable situation? (If this was the case.)

I WOULD put a stop to that "friendship" with her and that boy. It doesn't have to be a big dramatic thing. Just cool it with him- say he does not seem to be a good influence, doesn't seem to esteem you highly as a friend, he does not come from the same value-base we do- it's ok, no offense to the boy. It is just that with thousands and millions of people in the whole world...

Also, IF you don't know that boy, don't omit the possibality that he may not be who he says he is...meaning he could be a "creeper" and much older.

It is fine to go back and re-set rules and expectation, too.

by on May. 2, 2012 at 9:01 AM

Wish I had some helpful advice, but other than reminding her that all too many  boys are constantly "cocksmen" and always testing the waters and to be very careful, I know she will benefit from the open and honest conversations you have had with her  and know what she ought to do and will do if and when...

by on May. 2, 2012 at 8:55 PM

I'm not sure if you mentioned this in on of the responses, but is the boy also 11?  That is awfully young to be thinking about having sex and "doing stuff". 

by on May. 11, 2012 at 2:20 PM
Quoting becky8431:

The text was from the boy to her. She had not responded to the text. I don't think taking the phone is the answer, as it was not her sending the text. I do monitor her texts regularly, and this is the first time the subject of sex has come up. we have talks all the time about sex and relationships. My daughter is a very sociable and flirty girl so i always feel the need to remind her that she is only 11 and way too young to be having "serious"relationships with boys. I will talk to her more about proper texting, but on the other hand, if she is not texting about it does not mean she isn't talking about it in person. SCARY!

Exactly and even if she was texting back if the phone was taken away they could still talk and possibly more face to face. So what is the "taking the phone" for? Don't misunderstand, I'm in no way saying that this is appropriate, but what is that really going to do? You can ground her, whooop her, or whatever else is being suggested (which I don't really understand some of the suggestions) there will still be ways and means for them to communicate and/or other unfavorable actions. Just be honest with your child about boys, sex, diseases, pregnancy, and all of that because kids are starting to experiment earlier and earlier I just don't understand why.
by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 6:49 PM
Nope but women can run a lot faster with her skirt up than a man with his pants down. Where would these talk about that kind of stuff of they didn't have cell phones. It would be harder

Quoting becky8431:

Quoting Baby3dueinmay:

Here's my first thought. Why does an 11 yr old have a cell phone in the first place. She shouldn't have been oven one till shes in high school. Think I'm mean or whatever but u brought this stuff on yourself because you gave a child a cell phone.

Yes, i know, because he couldn't possibly have communicated this to her in person right? REALLY? I suppose you also believe that a girl who gets raped deserves it if her skirt is too short!

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by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 6:59 PM

wow I don't understand why an 11 yr old should be having boys text her in the first place. My 13 yr old isn't allowed to have boys call yet. I would take the phone away and explain to her that she should only have girls text her till she's older.

Jennifer Wife to Shaun 2-28-00 Mom to Alexus 2-13-06, Elizabeth 8-30-03, Domanic 6-30-02,Whitney 8-10-01, Mac 10-19-99, Macayla 12-29-98 

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