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11yo talking about sex on cell phone?

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I have talked to my 11 year old daughter about sex before. About abstinance, disease, pregnancy and all that, but the other day, i saw a text on her phone that made me realize that that her and a boy were having a conversation about sex, and i'm having a hard time with what i should say to her about it. I asked her what the conversation was about, and she told me that this boy told her that he had been having "wierd" thoughts about her, like of them making out and stuff. She says she has not done anything, but i am looking for advise about what to say to her, how to react without overreacting. She is my only child, so i haven't had to deal with anything like this before...HELP!


by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 10:28 AM
Replies (141-150):
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 7:37 PM

Omg I can't believe how many people are saying "this is inappropriate she is too young"!  Am I the only one who liked boys by the time I was 11?  I had my first "boyfriend" at 10 and my first kiss at 12.  It didn't mean I was even THINKING about having sex!  Do you ladies remember being 11 at all?  It's perfectly normal!  Obviously you should have open conversations about sex so she knows that's a long way off, but don't freak out that she wants to "date" boys or kiss them.  She's growing up.  Also, I agree with many posters that she should not have a cell phone at 11, at least not one that can text.  My kids will get one when they can drive (and/or pay for it themselves, like a PP said!)

by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 7:43 PM

I would spend more time with your 11 yr. old daughter doing fun stuff which she enjoys and continue talking to her in a relaxed conversations about our female anatomy ( at her level of course ) her feelings about herself, boys, body image, magazine and other peer pressures, and share some of your stories funny stories about how you felt at her age and what it was like for you regarding this new challenge during your tween time.

I always shared with my daughters (2) my real but sometimes silly stories and how my mother reacted and they still remember my stories and like knowing about my challenges during tween, teen and female challenges as I developed . I always act like my daughters mother first..... and friend second..... I wanted them to know I will try and support what you need as you grow up but I will limit what I think is not in their best interest.

by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 7:45 PM
I would be honest with her. My mom told me your gonna be interested in doing things just stop and think before you do. You might think at the time thats the right guy but you are gonna have a lot of guys you are gonna think that about. And if you act on every one you will get a bad name for yourself and that is the only thing guys wilk expect from you. If he is a good guy he will wait till your ready
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 7:46 PM

Trust me, kids are curious about sex. My 10 year old asks me about it sometimes but I have not let her have a cell phone. And she knows that boys are not supposed to talk to her about that kind of stuff. However, it is normal for a boy to have those thoughts. he is the one who needs a talk from his parents. Maybe you should tell them before he gets into trouble too. I would definitely take her cell phone and let her know what is inappropriate for a boy to say and do to her.

by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 7:50 PM

Why in the hell does your 11 year old have a cellphone with a texting plan?  I can understand the thought process behind having a cellphone, but maybe it's time to strip it down to the basics...

by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 7:54 PM

Mom, the fact that you have an 11 yo DD talking with you about this is awesome!! Well done. Don't freak keep the lines open. It's great that you are both proactive and making sure ur not as u wrote overreacting :) Boys and girls as I am sure we both know are just starting to come into there own sexuality at this age. Talking about it (and why not to do it) is awesome and will empower her to make the right choice. Best wishes to you and ur lil DD welcome to the preteen stange fun fun <3


by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 7:55 PM


by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 8:01 PM
I understand why everyone says to take away the phone but just remember when you were a kid and your parents said "don't do that!" and punished you before it was even done. She's going to lash out and wanna do it even more. I would just talk to her as a friend and not as mom. I am not one of those parents that's friends first and mom second but with this Convo, you definitely need to go the friend route. My opinion anyways. Good luck!
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by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 8:03 PM
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That is one reason why I don't think an 11 year old should have a cell phone.
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by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 8:03 PM
1 mom liked this

I can understand how upsetting this can be, however even if you take the phone away they can talk about through other avenues. I think that talking to your daughter and talking to her about what you expectations are for her when she is using her phone are. Remind her that you know that she cannot control what others send to her phone via text, but she has control over how the conversation goes by the way she responds or not. Kids talk about sex, it does not mean that they are going to do anything. But empowering your daughter to make healthy decisions and allowing her to show you that she is listening and can be trusted is important. You would be over reacting if you took the phone away unless this is something that she has done in the past and you already spoke to her about it. I hope this helps.

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