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Tween Titans Tween Titans

Nick (my son 20)..Where are you? Edited

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This is the question I asked him around 6:30 this evening.

His reply "far away"

Me: What do you mean far away? how far?

Him: I'm over 365 miles away

Me: Nick, what the hell are you talking about? You're kidding, right?

Him: No. I'm on my way to New Hampshire.


Well WTF WTF WTF WTF! I had ZERO idea he was taking a drive to New Hampshire. I'm beyond livid,upset,angry,ready to cry! He's heading to new Hampshire to see his sperm donor.

He didn't ask. Didn't even let me know he was going.

He said I figured I'd tell you when you called to see where I am.

Where the hell have I gone so solidly wrong?

ETA****

No where in my post did I say I bash his bio dad. No where in my post did I say I flipped out on him. I saved the flipping out until after I hung up the phone.

When I found out he was driving I said Okay I'll let you go so you can drive. Call me when you get there and he said he would text me. Which he did.

He's met his bio dad before. His bio dad and I met in Utica when my son was 18. We met half way so Nick could spend a week with them. Did I like it? Absolutely not! But I did it. We then met again a week later. I picked him up and we came home.

I never kept my son from his bio dad,I don't bash his bio dad. It's not my style to bash bio dad in front of my son.

Yes he's an adult but his actions show other wise and no it's not just because of this. It's been a constant struggle to set my son on the right path. He likes to do things the hard way. His car was not fit for an 8 hour road trip. He has an oil leak,which left his car with literally no oil the night before. Had my DH not been on the porch and heard it knocking my son wouldn't have had a clue. His tires are not the greatest and his transmission bangs into third gear. He has bills that he is behind in that need to be paid.

Had he come to me I would not have flipped out. I would have said he should wait until his car was fit for a trip,had his bills paid and planned it out. He didn't even have the money to get there. His sister transferred funds to his account. His "uncle" drove there with him and don't have money either but will supposedly have the money to get back. I hope he does.

As for my comment about me going solidly wrong. That was in reference to him just up and going and not saying a word. It's about respect which he shows little to none of.

To the poster who commented about DNA. I agree. He certainly has his bio dads DNA running through his genes!

At this point I just pray he gets some safe. I know I will worry until he does.

Thanks for all of the comments. Even though I don't agree with a majority of them, I appreciate them. It gives a different perspective.

by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 9:03 PM
Replies (31-40):
randomosityblog
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 12:47 PM


Quoting Wyldbutterfly:


Quoting mIsSStot:

Did he tell you why he was going to see him so sudden and out of the blue ? Maybe something really bad has happend and your son is saying goodbye in person rather than missing out on this chance if say the bio dad is dying ? I realize he lives with you and you want him to be safe but if it is such a case as goodbye he may have not really been thinking real clearly about any thing else except getting there before it is too late ! Just an idea but I may be totally wrong .


He said he was going to see his sister. It supposedly has nothing to do with his bio Dad.

So what if it does? It's his right to meet him.

bryawidz
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 12:58 PM

My husband is 22. His father is a "sperm donor". He knew his mother would be pissed if she found out they were talking. So he didn't tell her until after the fact. But our situation might be a little different because my husband's sperm donor was a teen when his mom got pregnant and she was not. So his family kept him from him, then when he was old enough to see my husband, Dh's mom already had a new lover that Dh knows as dad. And after we told her that we have spoken with his father, she told us the same story so we knew he wasn't making it up. I bet if your son went to see him, he honestly just has questions for him that he felt  you couldn't answer.

juju40
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 1:16 PM
1 mom liked this

 I'm right with you mom..I have a 21 year old even though he's an adult he needs to let me know where's he's going to be just a a text telling me "mom I'm going out with friends"..If he doesn't I start to worry....hang in there mom ...

Quoting Wyldbutterfly:


Quoting ihatebluesclues:

Just something a normal 20 year old may want to do.. They need their freedom as adults and need to learn from their choices as well. Are you certain he is not going to tell him what a POS "father" he has been???

At this point I'm not certain of anything he is going to say or do.

I realize he's an adult but my God, show me some respect and let me know what you're doing. Especially if it involves driving to another state!

 

Bgbluford785
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 1:30 PM
Yes he should have told you but would that have changed the way you feel now? When I was 20 I made a lot of crazy fast choices that didn't take me to the best of places but I learned from them and it made me who I am today. Somtimes you hae to let them learn the hard way, we can't always make their choices for them, only be there for them when they fall down. I hope you feel better but he is a big boy.
pmcs
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 3:50 PM
Its natural tp be curious about your biological parents. Although telling you his plans would have been considerate.
pmcs
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 3:51 PM
Its natural tp be curious about your biological parents. Although telling you his plans would have been considerate.
Larisa72
by Member on Apr. 20, 2012 at 4:28 PM
2 moms liked this

To the OP: You have a right to be upset as: 1-he is living under your roof (parents do NOT have to provide housing after a child turns 18, so he should be thankful and more respectful), 2-had he shown more maturity in the matter, the 2 of you could have discussed it beforehand and you wouldn't have been blind-sided, and maybe he would have waited until he had the money situation under control.]

To the people who don't think that he needed to tell his mom: If an "adult" child is being accorded the privilege of free housing in his/her parents' home, that "child" should have the decency to let the parent know when they are heading on a road trip.  I'm going out on a limb and saying that we are all parents here....just because a child is older than 18 doesn't mean that you stop being a parent and stop worrying about them.  AND, if that adult child is living in your home, you are going to tell me that you wouldn't expect some freaking courtesy as in that child letting you know when he/she was going on a road trip and wouldn't be home?  If that's the case, I feel bad for both you and your child(ren)....by thinking this is ok (not letting your parent, who is letting you live in their house after you are legally an adult and should be responsible for your own housing, etc.), you are pretty much stating that your children will be allowed ot do anything and you aren't going to give a damn.....good on you (and yes, that's sarcasm, in case you don't get it)

workoutmom2b1g
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 5:13 PM

Sorry  but whatever feelings you have toward his "sperm donor" are yours and not his. Hes an adult and gets to make his own decisions on his life and BD. I'm not trying to be harsh and I'm sure you are hurt, but its not about you. Its probably something your son has ALWAYS thought about. This is coming from someone whos Sperm donor wasnt around either. PLease support your son and his desicions even if they hurt you. HAve a drink and think rationally, even if it takes a feew drinks!! LOL {HUGS} And remember your son LOVES you and his TRUE Father who raised hiM!! Everyone is curious about where they came from and are entitled to find out! 

Quoting Wyldbutterfly:


Quoting Sunshine2plus2:

 If he is 20 I dont think he has to tell you!

He does if he's living under my roof! It's common courtesy.

Not to mention a HUGE slap in the face to me and the man who raised him. While his sperm donor, never did anything for him or paid one dime in child support. Has maybe seen him a dozen times in his 20 years!


workoutmom2b1g
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 5:15 PM

I bet he didnt tell her because he knew she was going to and probably has already reacted like this after having just discussed it before hand. 

Quoting Larisa72:

To the OP: You have a right to be upset as: 1-he is living under your roof (parents do NOT have to provide housing after a child turns 18, so he should be thankful and more respectful), 2-had he shown more maturity in the matter, the 2 of you could have discussed it beforehand and you wouldn't have been blind-sided, and maybe he would have waited until he had the money situation under control.]

To the people who don't think that he needed to tell his mom: If an "adult" child is being accorded the privilege of free housing in his/her parents' home, that "child" should have the decency to let the parent know when they are heading on a road trip.  I'm going out on a limb and saying that we are all parents here....just because a child is older than 18 doesn't mean that you stop being a parent and stop worrying about them.  AND, if that adult child is living in your home, you are going to tell me that you wouldn't expect some freaking courtesy as in that child letting you know when he/she was going on a road trip and wouldn't be home?  If that's the case, I feel bad for both you and your child(ren)....by thinking this is ok (not letting your parent, who is letting you live in their house after you are legally an adult and should be responsible for your own housing, etc.), you are pretty much stating that your children will be allowed ot do anything and you aren't going to give a damn.....good on you (and yes, that's sarcasm, in case you don't get it)


Mamaoftwingles
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 6:30 PM
1 mom liked this

Hugs, Mama.  I think it means you didn't go wrong at all!  You've raised a free thinker, a young man who knows what he wants and is going to check into something he feels like he needs to.  This isn't a negative reflection on you.  Hugs...breathe through it... it'll be OK.


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