Monitoring Tween Technology? UPDATE: WE FOUND PORN :(

[QueenCreole313]

1.  Hello all! I'm thinking of installing spyware or similar technology on the computer to monitor my tweens activities. I believe she is using it innocently, but we can never be too sure. I do check her cellphone and the computer history but wanted to know how you all monitor tweens.

Any advice?

Are there any products that you really love?

Thanks in advance!

 

UPDATE: We found out my stepdaughter has been watching porn on her Kindle Fire instead of "reading"! HELP!

[RayneofTerror]

i'm against it because my children are people too. they deserve privacy. 

i don't use spyware, i never would. my oldest has a FB and email and a WoW account. i don't have to know wot she is talking about all the time. her emails come to my phone just like mine and my husbands do because those two never check theirs and i don't want their accounts to deactivate. i just tell her when she gets and email and she gets on and reads it. i don't read the emails. my grandmother raised me and never spied or snooped on me, i was allowed privacy. and my children are afforded the same courtesy. 

Quoting QueenCreole313:

Question, why is everyone against reading emails and checking up on their kids?
I personally don't see anything wrong with it.
Maybe it was how I was raised. My mom worked in law enforcement and would check up on us all the time. She even monitored our phone conversations. I think it kept me accountable,

[psych_mom]

I'm not against it... My kids don't have facebook, email or anything like that. They go on sites that they got from school to play learning games and they watch some things on You Tube, but my husband checks the computer history regularly. When they do have facebook, email and things of that nature, I will have passwords and I will check their email regularly along with their facebook. As long as they live in my house they aren't entitled to any type of privacy. I am training to be a counselor and I am very aware of the things that tweens and teens are exposed to on the internet and I don't want to be one of these parents that are completely clueless if something ever happens. I believe that being proactive and taking precautions is the best way to go about parenting.

Quoting QueenCreole313:

Question, why is everyone against reading emails and checking up on their kids?
I personally don't see anything wrong with it.
Maybe it was how I was raised. My mom worked in law enforcement and would check up on us all the time. She even monitored our phone conversations. I think it kept me accountable,

[QueenCreole313]

Quoting psych_mom:

Exactly, my mother told me and my brother we don't get privacy until we become adults! As long as I was a child her in house I should expect to be monitored. Now when technology allows weirdos to come in contact with kids, why are we monitoring less? I don't mean to judge but it seems backwards to me.

[psych_mom]

I have to agree 100%.

Quoting QueenCreole313:

Quoting psych_mom:

Exactly, my mother told me and my brother we don't get privacy until we become adults! As long as I was a child her in house I should expect to be monitored. Now when technology allows weirdos to come in contact with kids, why are we monitoring less? I don't mean to judge but it seems backwards to me.

[bupkie]

Quoting QueenCreole313:

Question, why is everyone against reading emails and checking up on their kids?
I personally don't see anything wrong with it.
Maybe it was how I was raised. My mom worked in law enforcement and would check up on us all the time. She even monitored our phone conversations. I think it kept me accountable,

There is nothing wrong with protecting your children.  You have to make sure that they aren't being harmed by OTHERS that they are exposed to on the internet.  You have no IDEA what they are exposed to on the internet - unless you check to make sure everything is okay.  We can teach our children how to be safe all we want, but they can still be manipulated by others - whether we want to admit that or not.  

They are OUR CHILDREN.   IT is our JOB to protect them.   Does it mean that we don't TRUST them?  No.  Not at all.  They TRUST US to do what is best for them.  At their age, they don't know better.  That's why they aren't out on their own yet.    

How many kids do we hear about every year that go missing because of people they met in chatrooms, etc?  If some can be influenced by people they don't know, think about the things kids can be influenced to do by people they DO KNOW...  

But, to each their own.  You can close your eyes to it... it doesn't mean that things aren't happening.   Things that you don't know about can't hurt you can they?  But they sure can hurt your kids...  

[wakymom]

We don't use any programs or apps. Ds1 has email that he never uses, and none of the kids have FB or use chat rms. They have to use the computer within our sight and we can check the history if we feel we need to. Ds1 does have a school-issued netbook that the district has restrictions on; we can check his history on that as well.

 

 

 

 

 

[Saille717]

I don't use any kind of tracking programs and don't plan to.  I might if I had a child who I didn't trust and couldn't monitor them personally.  

[lovemykids16]

I've thought about getting a program like that but I see all of my son's activity anyway.  He is not allowed to have facebook, twitter, etc unless I have full access to it. He sees it as stalking but he'll understand when he's older.  I don't think it's a matter of not trusting him, I don't trust others.  Plus the simple fact is that kids that age make bad decisions without understanding what the consequences can be.  I'm not here to be his buddy, I'm here to protect him and guide him.  He has posted some things that I wasn't particularly thrilled with but certainly not the end of the world.  We talked about it and I have made him delete things.  I pick my battles with those things, and I think he's accepted and realized that I'm not going to flip out about every little thing.  He is a 14 year old boy after all.  But when I see some of the things his friends are posting, I just cringe.  I would assume those parents are very trusting and "respecting their kids privacy".  I just hope it doesn't come back to bite them one day.

[Zamaria]

Haven't used any software like that. Any computer use is done on his laptop from school, which is really restricted, he can't even use Facebook from it, and it's always in the same room as we are. He can't get online except at school anyway. As far as cell phones, he has one, but it's really restricted too. It's locked so that he can only call people that I put on the list, and he can't receive calls from anyone that isn't on the list either. No web access on that either. He does have an iPhone that he uses as an iPod, and ge can get online if he has wifi with that. I have it locked though, so he has to get me to enter the password if he wants to get on the web. Same with iTunes purchases. I have passwords to his email, Facebook, etc. He's not allowed to change them without permission till he's 18. I check everything. He's not allowed to make or accept friend requests without permission, even if he knows I won't mind if he's friend's with the person. He still has to check. I get an email whenever there is activity on his facebook account. He's really open and honest with me, but he's a kid. Kids do stupid stuff sometimes, and I want to make sure that he doesn't end up getting hurt or anything because of stupid mistakes online. Yes, he does need some privacy. So he has a journal. Yep! A real, old fashioned leather journal with actual paper in it. And he even has to use a real pen or pencil to write in it! Lol! I don't read it, but if I ever suspected that he was using drugs, drinking, had some sort of serious problem, etc. I would read it in a heartbeat. When he's 18, he will have more privacy, and when he moves out he will have all the privacy he wants. Until then, I'll do my job as a mom and make sure that he's safe!

[Zamaria]

Btw, he has never had a problem with the way we do things. When I ask how he feels about it, he says that he's not doing anything wrong anyway, so it doesn't matter if I check his stuff. He says if he was doing something bad he wouldn't want me to see it though. Lol the only thing he doesn't like is that he can't take the phone or the laptop into his room after 7pm. The iPhone he can, since he doesn't have any web access on it, but he has to have it on the charger across the room from his bed by 8:30pm. He uses it for an alarm clock, and if he doesn't have to get up to turn it off he doesn't wake up on time! Lol