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My DS told me he had to go see the principal because his teacher said no more dating.   I found that odd because I remember those years and my other kids went thru it too.  Its "going together" not really dating. 

I sent a note to the teacher because I wasnt sure what was going on.  I drilled my DS if  this girl was in is class "no", did he hold her hand or kiss on her?  He said "eww No!"   But they are going together.   Usually harmless but I didnt understand why he would have to talk to the principal.      The teacher sent me a email saying dating is innapropriate and they will be talking to numerous kids to put ends to it since it is disrupting them to learn.        

I honestly dont know how to respond to this.. I guess these young crushes seem innocent to me and if the kids are in a seperate class how can it be effecting their learning?   My son does not date, doesnt talk to this girl on the phone.. I kinda think its being blown out of proportion.


by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 11:14 AM
Replies (21-28):
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 12:18 PM
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Doesn't dating mean going out on actual dates? There must be some culture confusion going on because I can't see letting my fourth grader going out on dates at all. My kids aren't allowed to date until they are 16- if then. My children are not allowed to have boyfriends or girlfriends either. I agree with the school policy.
by Bronze Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 12:27 PM
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We went through this with DD's Kindergarten class. Yes, Kindergarten. Fortunately DD wasn't involved with it but yes, there was drama because some girls were left out so they were sad/mad and out of that hurt and jealousy came mean behavior.

I get that it can be cute but whe are we encouraging kids so young to act older? Why are we surprised when they act older than they are and then blame it on the media?

I fully support the school's efforts to stop the drama and let kids be kids.
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by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 12:49 PM


I understood better after talking to the principal last year.  And it was exactly that.. the drama.  One girl crying all through class because some boy broke up with her.   Apparently my son was the one who told her the other boy was "cheating" on her.   So I did agree and tried to enforce the rule at home. 

Quoting Thelmama:

The crushes are innocent but if their is drama because girl A is liked by say boy b and c, then competition and such can interrupt class or effect behaviors etc. Look at how drama can feed what happens here on CM alone. Now imagine said drama in a classroom, where under currents of anger and frustration build etc.  That is my guess as to how it could effect learning.  And it may be that it isn't your son per se, but they are cracking down on any kids saying they are "dating" in the 4th grade to try and alleviate the issues.  

It is going to happen. Yes, I remember chasing 6th grade boys on the play ground when I was in school.  LOL, but it never carried into the class room.  Some kids, not yours per se, are really into dating and boys and girls and lose focus on classwork and day dream instead.  I say this because I have friends that are teachers that deal with the problem.  

Now is it fair for your child to have to go to the office when he did, nothing, absolutely not.  Just thought I'd mention as to why it might be they are doing this.


by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 3:29 PM
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Quoting psych_mom:

I would request a copy of the written policy. If it isn't a private school I doubt they can enforce something like this. If they cannot provide a written copy then I would tell them they need to back off and leave my kid alone.

I was wondering the same thing about a written policy.

I was going to suggest pulling out the school handbook and see if it is in the policies or not. If it isn't, then ask if they made a new copy and didn't pass those out. If so, request a copy and check it out. If it's not in the handbook, then there isn't much they can do UNLESS the kids dating are breaking the other rules, such as holding hands, kissing, distrupting class time, etc.

by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 6:59 PM

 Op I agree with you and I would go talk with the teacher and office on this.

by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 7:09 AM
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I spent last year (5th grade) listening to my DD tell me the weekly dramas.  These nonrelationships seldom lasted very long, and always wound up with a lot of hurt feelings and a lot of practice is meanness and other dishonesty.  I can see why the school wants to make a policy against it.  And, if your son is not in the same class as, and was not seen touching, his 'girlfriend', how did the school know they were 'dating'?  There had to be some clue.  My daughter has always spent time sitting with boys at lunch, with no dating, so I don't think mixing at lunch is necessarily a dating clue.

My DDs best friend dated last year (5th grade), incuding watching movies at her house, or his house.  I was horrified!!  If we teach our children that this is appropriate in elementary school, where are they in middle school and high school?  I told both my kids (older DS and DD) that NOW is the time to focus on THEMSELVES.  Yes, have friends that are both boys and girls, but no 'dating'.  Neither one has had any issue with it, even though both have dealt with others having a crush on, and pursuing them. (I had to have the teacher intervene with the girl chasing my son.)

DD in middle school told me two 8th graders at her much smaller middle school were dating.  I said I was surprised.  She laughed and said, "Mom, they don't even sit with each other at lunch.  What it means is that they have agreed to an exclusive pretend relationship.  For as long as it goes on, they will not pretend to have a relationship with with anyone else!"

by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 7:17 AM

As we speak I have a 17 year old who wont come out of her room.. all over a boy pretty much.  The teen years are so hard.   I don remember my DS in 1st grade having a discussion with his friend stating "im living the bachelor life"   When I asked about it he said he didnt tell me he had a gf because he thought I would be mad.  Then later he is holding his head like hes devastated and says to me" Mom please can I not take a shower?  I have had the worst day of my life being dumped".      They start so much earlier these days!  So if I get drama at home I am sure the teachers deal with alot.    I know when he was in 4th grade dealing with this it was no touching or anything like that.  If the teachers or principal even heard them speak the words of a gf or bf etc they were sent to the office and reminded of the "no dating" policy. 

by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:48 PM

My kids have a no dating policy because of us, its our family rule at least until 16. I have seen all their friends go through way too much drama and heartache and game playing. I don't think this early dating is in anyway helping them and I do think with some (I am aware this is not always true)  kids allowing this early dating leads to everything else beginning early. I know my kids appreciate they have our rule to fall back on when kids try to involve them in all this, they just say I am not allowed to date until I am 16 - discussion over. 

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