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Tween Titans Tween Titans

Turning TomBoy!!

Posted by on May. 4, 2012 at 12:41 PM
  • 6 Replies
My daughter is 10 going on 20 and people allways mistake her for being like 14 or 15. She has started developing quickly and I think it is bothering her cause over the last year she whent from being a girly girl to a total tomboy. She even now has short hair and gets mistaken for a boy at times. That bothers her but she will not dress like a girl anymore. I kinda know how she feel because untill I had her I was a total tomboy myself. She is so beautiful and I wish she would show people how pretty she is. She wont talk to me about what happened to make her change all of a sudden and it has me worried. I dont know what to do. Should I push the girly clothes on her or let her ride out the tomboy thing and hope she out grows it? I know how hard it can be spending your life as a tomboy, I did it and I dont want her to go trough it. Please help. I love having one son and one daughter. Its perfect that way. But its starting to feel like I have two sons...
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by on May. 4, 2012 at 12:41 PM
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M4LG5
by Valeri on May. 4, 2012 at 12:53 PM
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Okay....i have to admit that i do not like the word tomboy.  It tells us girls that if we like dressing like that, we are dressing like boys.  If we want to play with toys like Spiderman, we are playing like boys.  Sorry...it's just a word that gives me the heebeejeebies.  The reason is because I grew up loving sports....did sports all through college, majored in physical education, had short hair and everyone said I was a "tomboy".  So, it was like I couldnt' be a girl that just liked this stuff....i had to be a girl that was like a boy.

Anyways, what she is wearing doesn't define her beauty.  You still have a daughter no matter what she is wearing or doing.  My oldest daughter is most comfortable in boys basketball shorts and boys basketball shoes.  She plays rough and that's her....that is who SHE is.  If we are talking about outer appearances....she is beautiful and is told that a lot but she hates girly girl stuff, she won't wear anything with ruffles but she still takes care of herself.  She is confident in who she is because i do not give her the idea that how she is dressing is wrong.

Why don't you want her to go through this "tomboy" phase?  What is so wrong with it? 

At 36 years old, I find myself enjoying the company of women as friends but LOVE hanging out with the guys and talking sports.  I will NEVER define myself as a 'tomboy' because i do that.

M4LG5
by Valeri on May. 4, 2012 at 12:55 PM

I also wanted to say that I have twin girls.  All 3 of my girls are in sports almost all year round....they love it!

As for my twins, one likes dresses and art.  The other one prefers skirts and shorts and LOVES superheroes!  For the past few halloweens she has been spiderman, batman, and is going to be iron man this year.  I also make these for her cakes.  I made an iron man cake and we bought her a spiderman bike.  It is who SHE is. She is still beautiful.  She is still a girl.  That is just what she likes.  You should encourage her to be herself instead of trying to define her.

Mrs.walshmn
by on May. 4, 2012 at 1:01 PM
Its not that I have a problem with her playing sports or likeing to work on cars with her dad or that stuff... I love that she has no problem getting out there and doing stuff... She has takin it to a whole knew level that worries me. She does not care about her aperence at all... Her hair and skin is always greasy cause she does not wash it right and she does not care... And I know its not cause she is lazy... She not... She is allways wairing a hat and its making her face brake out bad and she cares less and less about the way she looks ( and I dont care about looks... I dont) but she use to take pride in picking out her clothes and doing her hair and now its a fight to get her to even put on clothes that match and to get her to run a brush throu her hair. My worrie is in how much she has changed... I know my daughter is beautiful. She would be if she was wairing a trash bag. She is the most beautiful thing in the world to me. But she isnt to herself anymore.
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M4LG5
by Valeri on May. 4, 2012 at 1:09 PM
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Quoting Mrs.walshmn:

Its not that I have a problem with her playing sports or likeing to work on cars with her dad or that stuff... I love that she has no problem getting out there and doing stuff... She has takin it to a whole knew level that worries me. She does not care about her aperence at all... Her hair and skin is always greasy cause she does not wash it right and she does not care... And I know its not cause she is lazy... She not... She is allways wairing a hat and its making her face brake out bad and she cares less and less about the way she looks ( and I dont care about looks... I dont) but she use to take pride in picking out her clothes and doing her hair and now its a fight to get her to even put on clothes that match and to get her to run a brush throu her hair. My worrie is in how much she has changed... I know my daughter is beautiful. She would be if she was wairing a trash bag. She is the most beautiful thing in the world to me. But she isnt to herself anymore.

Then don't assume that what she is doing means she is turning into a boy or a tomboy.  In your post, you talked about her being a tomboy and that worries you and you have two sons instead of a daugther and son.  In your post, you were trying to define her.  In this one, you are more worried about her hygiene which is valid. 

Keep it to that....her hygiene....not that she wears a hat or doesn't dress up anymore or doesn't look "beautiful" anymore or whatever.  Talk about her hygiene and the importance of it to stay clean, to brush her hair daily, etc.   If she is wearing a trash bag....keep telling her she is beautiful.  Keep supporting what she is wanting to be without suggesting or thinking that she is turning into a boy.

Wyldbutterfly
by on May. 5, 2012 at 5:53 AM


Quoting M4LG5:

Okay....i have to admit that i do not like the word tomboy.  It tells us girls that if we like dressing like that, we are dressing like boys.  If we want to play with toys like Spiderman, we are playing like boys.  Sorry...it's just a word that gives me the heebeejeebies.  The reason is because I grew up loving sports....did sports all through college, majored in physical education, had short hair and everyone said I was a "tomboy".  So, it was like I couldnt' be a girl that just liked this stuff....i had to be a girl that was like a boy.

Anyways, what she is wearing doesn't define her beauty.  You still have a daughter no matter what she is wearing or doing.  My oldest daughter is most comfortable in boys basketball shorts and boys basketball shoes.  She plays rough and that's her....that is who SHE is.  If we are talking about outer appearances....she is beautiful and is told that a lot but she hates girly girl stuff, she won't wear anything with ruffles but she still takes care of herself.  She is confident in who she is because i do not give her the idea that how she is dressing is wrong.

Why don't you want her to go through this "tomboy" phase?  What is so wrong with it? 

At 36 years old, I find myself enjoying the company of women as friends but LOVE hanging out with the guys and talking sports.  I will NEVER define myself as a 'tomboy' because i do that.

I LOVE this reply but I also get what the OP is saying. My DD has been called a boy on numerous occasions and picked on heavily over that fact. It's upsetting as a parent to hear and see it.

On that note my DD is content with herself and her appearance, finally! That I am so very thankful for.

psych_mom
by on May. 5, 2012 at 1:35 PM

It could just be a phase that she just doesn't care about her hygiene, but it could be that some kids have picked on her or said something to her. Honestly with all the other post that mom's have put about the issues with kids not wanting to shower and things like that, my guess would be that it is just that. Kids change yearly it seems like once they hit the ages of 9, 10, 11 and up. They keep us on our toes. What she doesn't want to do now will be completely different in a year. You will be begging her to stay out of the shower because of the water bills.

If you do feel that it is something more (and from your post it sounds like you are worried that it could be) keep talking to her and if you feel that it is necessary, find a counselor or someone else for her to talk to. You are her mom, you can tell if she is keeping something from you and when she is lying. Don't turn a blind eye to those cues. If you truly feel that something has happened to make her suddenly change her appearance then don't give up easily. Make sure that you have beat the subject to death before you say that it is enough.

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